Letting Go

A co-worked just lost her father.  She came into work today, to help get her mind off of the emotions she’s experiencing.  I sat with her for a bit, to see if there was anything I could do for her.

She asked, “When will I stop crying?  It’s not like I didn’t know this day wasn’t coming.  He’s been ill.  I thought I had prepared myself for it, but when this day finally came… I wasn’t ready...”

When will she stop crying?  There’s no easy answer to that question.  As time passes, the pain will dull; but, then, something will trigger a memory, and she’ll find herself right back to today’s pain. 

Going through the stages of grief takes time.  It’s important to know that and take each day as it comes. 

As long as we know what we’re going through, we can find a way to function through it.  That’s all we can do — function through the grief.

Depending on the type of relationship you had with your loved one, you will experience these stages differently than others.  Usually, when people learn of the loss, they will react with shock and denial.  As the shock wears off, unbelievable pain will replace it.  They may feel guilt and remorse over what they did or didn’t do… what they should or shouldn’t have done.  This feeling of frustration gives way to anger.  They may lash out and blame others for the tragedy.  During this time, they can start to isolate themselves and become depressed.

But, as time passes, you’ll start to adjust to your “new normal” without your loved one.  Things will feel calmer and more organized. Your depression will begin to lift slightly.  You’ll start working through things again.  Your mind will start functioning as it used to.   After a while, you’ll learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. 

This doesn’t mean that you will be instantaneously happy, carefree, and untroubled as you were before the loss.  It only means that you are moving forward and defining a new normalcy of life for yourself… after the loss.

Letting Go


I remember you taking me to school
You carried my books part of the way
Your hand patted me on the back
As you pushed me through the door


I didn’t think I was ready but you took no notice
You knew it was time to let go
You slipped your hand away from mine
And let me go on without you


I remember you teaching me to ride a bike
You stayed close to me
Your big hand covering mine
As you helped me steer and balance


I didn’t think I was ready but you took no notice
You knew it was time to let go
You slipped your hand away from mine
And let me go on without you


I remember you teaching me to drive
You sat next to me
Your hand covering mine
As I tried to fit the car into the space


I didn’t think I was ready but you took no notice
You knew it was time to let go
You slipped your hand away from mine
And let me go on without you


I remember you teaching me the hardest lesson
It was on the day you died
When I took your hand in mine
And found out how hard it is to let someone go


I didn’t think I was ready but you took no notice
You knew it was time to let go
I slipped my hand away from yours
And let you go on without me

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