Kick Start Your Life TODAY with Marlo Thomas

Go ahead and call me crazy; call me silly; call me a dreamer; call me whatever you like…

The Today Show is starting a new series.  It’s called Kick Start Your Life TODAY with Marlo Thomas.  They are looking for stories of people who are looking to get themselves out of ruts. If they select our story, experts may be able to help or suggest ways we can move forward on our projects.

What I really hope would happen is that they get excited about what we’ve done, ask to see the book, love the book, help us get it published, and promote the book on their show, having us as guests on their show… asking us back frequently…

Yeah… Go ahead and call me crazy; call me silly; call me a dreamer; call me whatever you like…

Marlo, just call me!

.

Do Not Pass GO; Do Not Collect $200

Well, we’re working on (what I think is) the seventh revision of the friendship book.  We’re trying to get it onto a “self-help/how to” publisher’s shelf.

The acquisitions editor (for the publisher who is currently looking at our material) likes what we have, but doesn’t quite understand why she likes it.  The book hooked her the second she started reading it.  She likes the tone, the voice, the messages, the concept, and the feel to it... but after saying all that, she adds that she’s not sure she can sell the book to her publisher — because it doesn’t follow their cookie-cutter, self-help formula and format.

So, I’m challenged by someone telling me, “I love the book, now change it.” 

“We’re looking for something that has something new and unique to say and has the ability to grab its readers, but it needs to fit our standard vanilla, one-size-fits-all marketing box.”

Yes, statements like these make my head hurt and my eyes roll upward.

She explains that her boss, the publisher, doesn’t understand the structure because it doesn’t have the usual “self-help/how to” feel to it.  Once I explain the reason the book is set up the way it is, she understands and likes the concept.

Her other comments — about her publisher — led me to believe that “her publisher” is focusing on the form and structure of things, and not the essence and substance of the material of the book. 

It became clear to me that, although our test readers love the book the way it is, “publishers” are only focused on how a book can fit their “tried-and-true” marketing and promoting methods to make money.

So, to be picked up by publishers, we have to change a book that people love, into a book that publishers can sell. 

I am struggling with this process, on several different levels.

On the Positive Side:

The book is definitely evolving into something more usable for workshops and presentations.  It’s definitely more marketable to “self-help/how to” publishers; and it’s more structured and easier to follow for readers.

Through the reflections, discussion points, and learning exercises, we're able to explain key concepts and the natural flow of relationship; thus, the book’s concepts and flow.  We’ve turned into tour guides for the readers, guiding them down a particular path, pointing out the nuances and important spots along the journey through the book.

Through these “self-discovery” sections, the book broadens its focus to encompass all types of relationships — not just friendship — so it should have a broader reach in the marketplace… we hope.

With this change in the book’s format and focus, I’ve changed the title.  With a new title, focus, and structure, the book can be pitched all over again — to publishers who've already sent “encouraging letters of hope” the first time around.

On the Negative Side:

I can’t help it.  I liked the smaller, more intimate version.  It was much more creative, artsy, unique, and personal.

The readers were free to infuse themselves into its pages, without someone whispering in their ear where to go, what to feel, or what to think.

The book allowed the readers to be themselves, without any interference, criticism, or judgment from the voice inside the pages of the book.  But now, with the self-discovery section, we’ve added another voice to the array of voices in their heads… telling them what they should do, what they should feel, what they should think... 

This was not my goal.  This is not my vision, but it seems that people are more comfortable being led down a specific path, than to explore the path on their own — at least that's what publishers believe.

If that is, indeed, the case, we’ll be happy to be their tour guides.  We’re just as good as the next guy.

And then it’s the thought of starting ALL OVER, AGAIN with publishers.  It’s going back to where my nightmares start and end… going back to the part I absolutely hate Hate, HATE!

Gosh!  To start all over again is my GO TO JAIL card. Do not pass GO; Do not collect $200.

.

I Don’t Hear You!

People don’t hear what they don’t want to hear.

I’ll admit that I’m no different.

I just sent out a new query to an independent, family-owned publisher that specializes in K-12 teaching resources.

I sent this publisher sample chapters of our children’s book with its “discussion aid” supplemental materials for teachers and parents.  Our book (which is the first of a planned series) focuses on developing children’s confidence, self-awareness, and social consciousness — key elements to combat insecurities and bullying.

Although our book can be purchased and enjoyed by young readers and parents without the discussion aid, this companion book helps teachers, parents, and young readers gain insight into the characters and issues they’ve encountered in the story.

Through these interactive discussions, parents and teachers can work together to instill core principles, practice decision-making techniques, and  build self-confidence in their children at an early age — which will increase their  ability to adapt to their ever-changing and challenging environment.   

Of course, I thought that this was really a great concept and something teachers and parents could use to help their children experience various situations and emotions in the safety of their imagination.  With the guidance of their parents and teachers, children will be given the opportunity to discuss emotions and develop and practice decision-making techniques.  They will also have the ability to see and feel the consequences that come from both good and bad decisions.

I was — and still am — excited about this concept.  So, with great hopes, I sent off my query and proposal to this independent, family-owned publisher that specializes in K-12 teaching resources.

The publisher’s response:  “Thank you for submitting your book idea to us. Unfortunately, we do not publish in this area.”

WOW!  “…we do not publish in this area.”

Telling me something like that is like waving a red cape in front of a mad bull!

Why do we have parents, teachers, and children struggling with insecurities and bullying issues in our school system on a daily basis?  Could it be that, unfortunately, publishers do not publish in this area?

I can’t stop shaking my head, simply because I don’t want to believe this.   The publisher must not have understood the concept, because how could an independent “family-owned” publisher specializing in K-12 teaching resources not be interested in this concept?

No.  I don’t want to believe this, so I emailed the publisher back and asked if they aren’t interested in this concept… within their professional network, would they know who I can turn to, in the publishing industry, who would be interested in a series of books that would help develop children's confidence, self-awareness, and social consciousness?

I doubt that I will get a response from them, because...

People don’t hear what they don’t want to hear. 

.

Hostess of Memories

On the eve of another birthday, I’m reminded exactly how long I’ve had the desire to write...

Here’s one of my first pieces that was actually published in a local newspaper.  I was teenager at the time.  Gosh… if only I pursued this dream that many years ago, I wonder where I would be today.

Anyway… the piece is called Hostess of Memories.

The yard was filled with flowers and tall grass that waved in the wind. Hidden behind a tree stooped a little girl who was hunting her cat, which in turn was stalking a bird.  A car's horn blasted somewhere in the distance and the game was over.  In search for another prey, she eyed a butterfly which flew too high for her to catch.  Finally, she reached her destination....

She loved this house.  It was old and breaking down, but it still stood tall and strong.  Everything it touched would excite her.  Even the trees that surrounded her castle were special.  In a tree, she would sit very still on her wooden throne and hear the wind sing to her as the flowers and grass bowed down to her.

Sneaking around the corner, she would creep pass the old man in the rocking chair.  His snoring helped cover the squeaking floorboards under her; but, just about passed him, she would notice that the snoring had stopped.  Embarrassed that she got caught, she would shyly turn around to talk to her grandfather.

When she was younger, she used to be afraid of him.  Hands behind his back, he'd stand above her with his stern eyes piercing through his bifocals.  His gruff voice left her cold and frightened.  As she grew to know him, his eyes turned from stern to tired.  Even his bifocals lost their sharpness.  Now they would silently slip down to the tip of his nose, where they would rest.  He still would stand tall and fearful, but she knew that behind his back he held a box of cookies to be shared.

Hand in hand, they would walk inside.  Their castle was dark and musty.  The only sun that would come in was through the stained-glass window above the stairs.  With this light, the stairs gave off a magical silence that spread throughout the house.  When the house was alive with cousins, uncles and aunts, she would climb these stairs and let sounds of laughter and smells of cooking float over her.

Lying in the colorful shadows, she would spy on her family.  Through the window, she would see Grandpa rocking and nodding.  Her uncles, resting their feet on the shaky banisters, would joke with each other, while her cousins ran around, yelling in the yard.  Soon, she would get tired of being invisible and would run to join the others playing in the yard.

But she liked the house best when it was still and quiet and she had it all to herself.  Alone in the living room, she would climb onto Grandpa's favorite chair.  Bouncing on this green cloud, she'd look through the stack of magazines and newspapers that were in easy reach of the chair.  Hearing Grandpa coming, she would scuttle off the chair and onto the floor.  She would pretend to be hard at work on her log cabin and would steal glances to see if he suspected.  He, in turn, would pretend not to notice her sudden fluster.  Grandpa would sit in his chair, start up a cigar and pick up his paper and glasses.  After a while, he'd put down the paper, lean over and suggest new ways of building the cabin. 

The house was quiet.  All that could be heard was the old clock and Grandpa's quiet coughing.  She loved it here.  She wanted it to stay this way forever.  But it couldn't.  Grandpa died--and so did the house.

.

Trying to Fit a Square Peg into a Round Hole?

After writing that last entry, I went to bed, trying to be positive about our future — but I kept coming back to what the acquisitions editor is saying.  People only buy friendship books that focus on repairing damaged friendships or dealing with toxic friends.

If that’s an accurate statement, then I’m screwed.  No publisher will pick us up.

The only way to be picked up by a publisher is to challenge that belief — that there’s no one interested in a book like ours.  How can no one want to develop healthy relationships from the start?  It just doesn’t make sense!

So, I wrote back to the editor and commented that we’re living in a pretty sad world if people would rather screw up their relationships than develop healthy ones from the start.   I admitted that I did understand the publisher's perspective, but I couldn't help but wish we could change his mind, somehow. If only we could talk to him and present our case. All we're looking for is a chance to change people's minds.

I’m not exactly sure what happened, but she opened the door for us again... to see if we can massage the friendship book to fit the publisher’s step-by-step approach to self-help products.

We may be trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, but we’re trying.  It all depends exactly how much we’re willing to chisel out of “our” book to fit “their” formula.

How far will we go to get published?

We’ll just have to wait and see…

.

We’re Still Encouraged!

Well, part of me is a bit — no, a lot — bummed out.

We received another encouraging letter of hope today.

But you know what?  In reading it, and working with this acquisitions editor, I really get the feeling that she is as disappointed with her company’s decision as we are.  NO, REALLY!

I'm not pulling your leg on this, and it's not my "Pollyanna" outlook on things.  I could tell that she really loved the book, and she put a lot of energy into pitching it to her publisher for us.  To sway things to our favor, she did market research and everything.

Unfortunately, all her diligence did us in.  As our acquisitions editor says, “It seems that people are mostly buying friendship books that focus on repairing damaged friendships or dealing with toxic friends.”

The problem is that people aren’t buying books like ours — positive books on friendship and relationships.  They aren’t looking at how to create long and lasting relationships from the start; only how to repair friendships after they’ve screwed it up so badly that there’s no hope in salvaging anything from it. People don't realize that, once trust and respect is gone, the relationship is dead.

Why aren’t people interested in developing healthy relationships from the start?  Why do people wait until it’s too late?  Then, after it’s too late, they look around and wonder, “What the hell happened?”

It’s all very sad… sad for us all…

Anyway, with the paying public against us, the acquisition editor couldn’t change her publisher’s mind. She truly wishes us the best in finding a home for our work.

We do understand.  When we started on this journey, we knew it was going to be an uphill battle.  What we are selling is not easy to sell.  Trust, caring, kindness, empathy, communication, appreciation, affirmation, ethics, generosity, attention, respect — all the things that support positive relationships — aren’t money makers in this world of ours. 

But, we refuse to give up.  I trust that one day, things will change; and I hope our books will become part of this change, if not the catalyst to change.  [And yes, I admit... that's the Pollyanna in me.]  

Anyway, on a brighter note:  I left the door open with this publisher, hoping that we can send the acquisitions editor our other books for her review. 

She said that she would be happy to look over whatever we send to her.  Hopefully, our next book will meet her company’s marketing criteria.

I’m grabbing on to that promise with both hands.

One more thing I do know — with all my heart — is that the acquisitions editor did enjoy reading our book.

Well, one more person has read our material.  Only 7,100,557,000 to go to reach the rest of the world.

We've got a lot of work ahead of us!

.

I Just Can’t Wait!

Katherine and I had one of our strategic meetings the other day, and I told her everything I just told you in the last blog entry. 

And she’s more than aware of my inability to wait and do nothing; so, we brainstormed some ways we could use our materials — without having to wait for a publisher to pick us up.  We concentrated on options that wouldn’t conflict with our goal of being picked up by a publisher, but would allow us to use our materials and support our personal goals.

Katherine brought up the workshop idea again, but this time for teens.  She thought, possibly, weekly discussion groups for teenagers would work — something informal, to go over the Ready or Not material.

Something similar could be promoted for the children’s book.  During the summer, we can set up a book club for children who would like to read and discuss our children’s book.  By then, we would have the discussion aid booklet completed to supplement the original story.

Since Katherine has connection with the homeschool community, it would be easy for her to generate some interest and promote these sessions to our target audience.

So, later this month, we may be adding these workshops to our ever-growing project list.

I’m really looking forward to this new phase.  It’s exciting to have a blank sheet in front of me and fill it with words that create a story, a feeling, a thought, and a different world.

It’s even more exciting to have someone breathe life into these words, and tell the story, experience the feelings, and conceptualize the thoughts…

Now add to all of that… the feeling of listening and discussing the different levels of meanings, feelings, and perspectives others will bring to these pages I’ve written.

They will bring their own stories, their own feelings, and their own worlds to share with us. 

I’m so excited!  I can’t wait!

I just can’t wait!     

.

This Waiting is Driving Everyone Crazy!

Yeah.  Patience is not one of my virtues.  I need to be constantly moving forward on things.  Standing still and waiting for something to happen is not in my nature.

And this shortcoming of mine is driving everyone else around me crazy. 

Why?  Because I keep emailing, contacting, talking, searching, writing, and researching.  I keep jumping from one project to another, like a juggler.  I’m constantly doing something to keep this project moving and that project progressing and this other project going…

In my efforts to keep everything moving, I’ve expanded my circle of influence to include a number of other people, who find themselves in desperate need of a reprieve from my persistence.

Not to totally alienate myself from these new contacts, I’m trying to be patient.

I am managing to refrain myself from actually emailing anyone today, even though I’m continually checking my email account every hour for news from the publisher who is showing some interest in our Friendship book, for news from the therapists who have agreed to give us feedback on our teen book, or for news from parents who have offered to have their kids read and give us feedback on our children’s book.

It seems harder, today, to be content with sitting and waiting, because last week was so full of activity.  

I couldn't believe it!  Suddenly, everything started moving in different directions... as if each project had a life of its own.  This is great news and exactly what we are hoping for; but when it happens all at once... well, it makes it more difficult to juggle everything.

 What happened last week?

• The publisher, who asked for sample chapters, has written back and asked for the rest of the Friendship book.
• The therapist who was impressed with an audio clip — enough to say she’ll buy several copies of the book if it was anything like the clip — emailed back, wanting to meet with us once she reads the book.  She’s also asking questions about how we’re promoting ourselves and the book, and is indicating her desire to keep in contact with us through this process. 
• Friends of friends who are teachers and have published their own children’s books have come forward with suggestions and ideas as to how to get our children’s book viewed by educational publishers, which would open the doors to schools and homeschoolers.   This has prompted me to create a discussion aid for teachers and parents.  This will help with the interactive discussion that the book thrives on.
• The audio clip, “Self Defense Against Fear” is getting regular hits on the YouTube site. 
• People keep returning to this blog to follow our progress —and thank you very much, for doing that! 

Toward the end of last week, I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed by all the attention.  So, I had to take a step back, to try to get my thoughts organized and my hands around the separate projects that were going in various directions…

I’m a visual person, so I had to set everything down in front of me, so I could see the whole picture.  To do that, I got a huge piece of paper (around 16” x 21”) and created three columns (i.e., one for each project).   In the separate columns, I wrote where we were on each project, as well as my concerns and pending issues. 

With this new person, possibly, coming into the mix — the excited therapist — I also wanted to protect my self-interest in all of this.  To do that, I needed to be able to actually identify, clarify, and communicate what my goals are. 

Why am I doing all of this?  I’m sure more things will come to me, but this is a start:

• To have the freedom to stretch my creativity and have the ability to write on subjects that most interest me
• To be able to get our messages out in a positive and supportive manner that can help others
• To make a difference — to be an intricate and important part of this “movement” and enjoy this journey that we’re on
• Not to be harmed (financially, emotionally, physically, reputation-wise, etc.) by this endeavor
• To be able to make enough money from this to support me during my retirement years… until death does me in

Now… all that’s left to do is wait… and wait… and wait…

.

Persistence Pays

During this last week, I emailed a bunch of local therapists listed on the Therapy Directory of the Psychology Today website.

I hit the jackpot yesterday.  I sent out about 10 queries asking if someone would mind giving me feedback on our teen book.  Surprisingly, 4 of the 10 responded back before the day’s end, saying that they would be happy to help us out and review our materials.

Knowing how busy therapists are, I also gave them the link to the audio clips, suggesting that — if they were short on time — they could get a quick, mini-taste of what's in the book.

One therapist used this quick method and emailed back saying that she was pretty impressed with the clip she viewed; and if the book is similar to the clip, she sees herself buying copies of the book for her office, for her clients to read.

AWESOME!!!! And this little testimonial is from watching just one clip!

Gosh darn!  I wished I had the guts to ask her which clip she watched.  If I could, I’d send that clip along with every query letter I send from now on!

Something More Than an Encouraging Letter of Hope

Golly Gee!!!

We got an email from a publisher in California who just got around to reading our book proposal and is hoping that our manuscript is still available for review. 

She is interested in seeing two to three chapters of our work.

 I’ve learned not to get “overly” excited.  We’ve gotten this close before.  A single person (in this case the Acquisitions Assistant) may like it and then passes it on to the “committee” where it’s stoned to death...

So, yeah... I’ve learned not to get “overly” excited… only really, Really, REALLY HOPEFUL!

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Oh... and, of course, I've dropped Ellen DeGeneres an update on all of this.  She remains speechless...

.