Discussion Groups

I threw my name into the sea of other aspiring authors and joined a couple of aspiring writers' discussion groups within Facebook and LinkedIn.

One group on LinkedIn is very active and their members seem very knowledgeable and helpful.  Although it is a constant reminder that the journey we’re on is both crowded and rough, my heart is warmed by the online community’s care and the attention each gives to the other.

Granted, whenever you ask a question to a group of people, you’ll rarely get them to agree on anything, but you do receive a lot of information supporting various views and opinions.  It’s up to you to sort it out and come up with a solution that bests fits your situation.

And yes, there are some defensive, pompous know-it-all members who listen to no one…but we meet these people everywhere.  When I bump into one, I tend to just walk the other way.  Live and let live — and just leave me alone, while you’re living, is my motto.

Some actually enjoy the confrontations and hostile banter that come along with such personalities.  Others take on the challenge of calmly reasoning with the pompous person, in hopes of facilitating change within that person — to transform the creature into a more humane individual who can live in peace and harmony with others. 

Well… good luck with that. 

It’s like trying to move an immovable object.  You can put all your energy, knowledge, virtue, time, attention, etc. into that one goal — to move that object — and still fail.  It doesn’t matter how good you are at persuasive techniques; it doesn’t matter how strong you are; it doesn’t matter how sincere and determined you are in your mission. 

None of that matters.  Why?  …because the object is i-m-m-o-v-a-b-l-e!

Immovable is defined as “incapable of being moved; not capable of alterations; incapable of moment; unyielding…”

And while you’re spending all this time, attention, talent, and energy in trying to move an immovable object, those who would benefit from your love and attention are being ignored and are feeling abandoned.

Now, some people just can’t walk away from a challenge.  They ultimately find their satisfaction in breaking the object into pieces and, in essence, walking all over what used to be a solid, functioning source that held on to its own principles, purpose, and mission.  Those who choose that path haven’t really moved the object but have destroyed it.

I see people doing this to each other all the time.  In their loving attempts to change (i.e., control) their loved ones, they, inadvertently and unconsciously, destroy the uniqueness, the essence, and the brilliance that once existed in the individual and in — what once was — a loving relationship.

The bottom line is:  We overestimate our power to change others and underestimate our power to change ourselves.  We cannot change people without their openness to change (i.e., no longer an immovable object), their desire for the change, and their active participation in the ongoing process. 

Another thing:  If a person wants to change and puts effort in the transformation, we can’t take credit for the change — although so many of us do.  We may have been a catalyst and an unending, positive support and resource to that person — which are extremely important and we should be proud of our involvement in those areas — but it is to the other person's credit that a transformation occurred; we didn’t do it for him or her.

Gosh!  I have no idea how I got off on that tangent, but I tend to do that.  I’m sorry… but not sorry enough to change…

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