What is Confidence?

This HARO (help a reporter out) queries are interesting.  This last query had a reporter asking what traits make up a confident person.

That’s an interesting question.  I know that skill and talent have nothing to do with a person’s level of confidence.  I know people who are extremely talented and skilled, but their lack of self-confidence stops them from succeeding. 

At the other end of the spectrum, I know plenty of self-confident people who display no skill or talent whatsoever, but that minor detail doesn’t stop these people one bit!

I remember one agitated person coming to me, complaining, “I thought you told me she can sing!”

“No… I never said she could sing.  I said that she was planning to sing a song for the program.  There’s a difference.”

The person responded, “Well, after her performance, I told her she sounded great, because I felt really bad for her…  But really!!!  Who told her she can sing!!!”

“Ummm… people like you, who go up after a performance and tell her she sounded great…”

Yes.  Confidence has little to do with talent or skill.  It has to do with how others react to us. 

Yes.  Self-confidence comes from within us, but first our self-confidence must be ignited by someone else.

Before I can believe in myself… before I can have confidence in my abilities… before I can like myself… I have to realize that there is something in me that is actually “likable” to others, that is admired by others, that is valued by another person.  Someone has to show me this fact.  Someone has to prove this to me before I can believe it to be true — before I can see it in myself.

Our self-image mirrors the reflections of those faces around us.  If your family and friends showered you with compliments as you grew up, they filled you with confidence.  Because you were shown early on that you were someone special, you are confident and comfortable with yourself today.

If positive influences have positive effects, then the opposite is true as well.  If those I respect and admire think I am great, then I must be great.  If they think I am worthless, then I must be worthless.

 If I am told every day that I’m not good enough or that I’m a failure, I will start to believe it.  I would lack confidence in my abilities. 

So, confidence has very little to do with talent and skill.  It has to do with our perception of ourselves; and our self-portrait of ourselves has to begin with what others tell us about ourselves.

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