If It’s Such Good Advice, Why Not Follow It?

I’m awakened by the piercing ring of my phone.  I roll over, planning to let the answering machine deal with the caller, until I hear my friend’s upset voice being recorded.

I stumble to the phone and manage to pick it up before she slips away in the shadows of my sleepy haze. 

Rachel is unnerved.  She finds herself in the middle of a very volatile and emotional situation.  Before she acts upon her instincts, she wants to pass the plan by me — her logical, objective, and stable friend, who always gives her good advice.

She gives me the background of her situation, describes her dilemma, and outlines her plan of attack.  Once she blurts everything out, she asks what I think of her plan.

I try to calm her down, so she can clearly understand what I’m about to say.  I tell her that, if I were in her situation, I wouldn’t do what she’s planning to do.  I foresee that her current course of action would create more problems than solve them.  Instead, I would do ‘such-and-such’.

She listens, understands the reasoning, and agrees that her plan of action would aggravate the situation.  She thanks me for my advice and hangs up.

Thirty minutes later, the phone rings again.  It’s Rachel… in tears.  She admits that I was right.  She should have followed my advice, but she went with her plan, instead.  Doing it her way did, indeed, make things worse. 

Rachel:  “Now, what do I do?  I’m thinking of going to him and doing ‘this-and-that.’”

Me:  “No, I wouldn’t do ‘this-and-that’ if I were you.  I would do ‘such-and-such’ instead.  Neither of you are in the right emotional state to deal with this rationally at this time.  If you continue on this path of yours, you’ll make it even worse.”

Rachel:  “You’re right, of course.  You’ve given me great advice.  Let me hang up with you and do what you suggest.”

An hour later, the phone rings again.  It’s Rachel… in tears.  She, once again, admits that I was right.  She should have followed my advice, but she went with her plan, instead.  Doing it her way did, indeed, make things much worse. 

Rachel:  “Now, what do I do?  I’m thinking of going back and doing ‘this-and-that.’”

Me:  “No, I wouldn’t do ‘this-and that’ if I were you.  I would disengage at this point.  You need to step back and let things settle down.  Don’t do anything more to agitate the situation.  Neither of you are in the right emotional state to deal with this rationally at this time.  If you continue on this path of yours, you’ll make it even worse.”

Rachel:  “Yes, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing… I can’t let…”

Me:    “I know it’s hard for you, but you’ll going to have to step back and let things settle down.  You’ll have to let things 'just be'... for a while.”

Rachel:  “I see where you’re coming from.  Thanks for the advice.  I’ll let you get some rest.”

Another hour passes, and the phone rings.  It’s Rachel again.  She's set up a meeting with him, tonight.  She's leaving in a few minutes.  She wants to discuss the matter further— even though an hour ago, he was so angry, and she’s very afraid of what he might say or do when they meet…

Me:  “Rachel!  Why are you meeting him?!  I told you to disengage… that means to disconnect.  That means NOT to talk with him, NOT to meet with him, NOT to see him!  Stop all contact with him until things settle down!”

Rachel:  “I know, but I can’t let things sit.  It’s not in my nature.  I can’t just wait things out.  I know you’re right, but it’s too late.  I can’t turn back.”

Me:  “Rachel!  Don’t go!”

Rachel:  “I have to…”

And the phone line goes dead.

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