What I’ve Learned From My Friends

I’m fascinated and intrigued by relationships—all different types and in every stage.  

For example, I have three friends.  Each is involved in a relationship.

One friend is very happy in her new relationship.  She enjoys every moment she’s able to look into her lover’s eyes and be in his arms.  They take one day at a time and let each day flow into the next.  They spend their time together, discovering what makes the other happy and fulfills each other’s needs and wants.  Issues are ironed out with a caring hand and a caressing kiss.  There’s a delightful acceptance of each other’s differences that has been built into their relationship.

I have another friend who is about to get married.  She is busy strategically planning her life for the next 3-5 years — from wedding day, to a home purchase, to the birth of their first child, second child, and so on.  She has a rigorous and ambitious schedule laid out for the two of them.  The fiancé, on the other hand, has his own (and different) plans in mind.  Because they are dealing with so many life-changing and stressful issues, each disagreement challenges the relationship’s stability.

My third friend finds herself in a dead relationship with her ex-husband.  For financial and functional reasons, they maintain a house together, but it’s not a home.  They do not share things with each other.  They no longer talk to each other, and if they do exchange words, it is in a destructive manner.  They treat each other as roommates — hostile ones, at that. 

I listen to my three friends, as they share their lives with me.  Each person has a different personality and, therefore, addresses issues in different ways.  Each is in a different stage of her relationship.  One is at the very beginning, enjoying each day as it comes.  The second is looking past today and focusing on the future.  She’s making her plans based on the promise of marriage.  The third one is dealing with the broken promises that have cemented her to her marriage...

I sit here, thinking how much we can learn from each of them: 

• To enjoy the moments we have with each other, while planning for the days to come
• To embrace the desire to please each other
• To be accepting of the strengths and weaknesses of each person
• To always be open and available to listen and communicate with each other
• To constantly learn from one another
• To never lose respect for each other... nor for the partnership that is embedded in a healthy relationship
• To acknowledge and accept when a healthy relationship no longer exists

.