The Self-Righteous Thief

I had one of my funny little dreams…

The dream begins with two detectives searching through my house.  I’m explaining to them that my cash, credit cards, identification, and jewelry have been stolen from me. 

They ask me a series of questions and I answer them the best I can…

• No, I wasn’t home at the time.  Whoever broke in must have known there was plenty of time.

• No.  I have no idea why the thief would spread religious prayer cards and pamphlets all around my place.

• No.  That’s not my bible.  Mine is on the bookshelf.  The thief must have left that one, along with all the other religious paraphernalia.

• No.  I have no idea why the thief would paint religious symbols all over the outdoor screens, windows, and glass door.

Shaking their heads in disbelief, the detectives bag all the prayer cards and bible as evidence — highly doubting that they will find fingerprints on the items.

They continue to take photos of the thief’s religious artwork, especially of the cross painted right next to the screen that was slashed open and the door that was busted in. 

One of the detectives points to the gaping hole in the screen and informs me that they believe that must be how the thief got in.  [Yes, Mr. Detective, I would have to agree…]

And that’s when I woke up.

**** 

It is easy to figure out from where the “inspiration” for this dream comes. 

 

It comes from a conversation I just had with my 86-year-old mother.  I called to see how she was doing and found her very upset.

She had just been visited by two of her sister-in-laws. 

I am sure that these two women meant well and were full of good intentions, but in their religious zealousness, they destroyed my mother’s self-worth, while heightening her guilt and anxieties.

Pray tell, how did they steal these precious things from her?

Ah… They did it by bringing over a number of prayer cards and pamphlets for my mother to read, digest, and recite now that she’s homebound.  

"After all," they inform my mother, "there is no greater service to mankind than to pray for the salvation of the world; and the elderly and homebound are the ones who have the time to do it."

When she’s assaulted in this manner, Mom tries to push back as much as she can but the guilt that fuels such pious rhetoric is difficult to fend off. 

How does one go about explaining that you don’t want to spend your days chanting prayers that hold no meaning to you?  How do you go about explaining that you’re not motivated by words that create only guilt and unworthiness within you? 

How do you explain these things to those who only hear their own self-righteous voice?

I consoled Mom the best I could by telling her that her sister-in-laws mean well, but they don’t realize that their way is not right for her.  If chanting prayers all day gives them purpose and a reason to get up each morning, then that is great for them — but that doesn’t give them the right to inflict their beliefs on her.  Just because they do those things do not make them “holier than thou.”

Mom:  Yes it does!


Me: No, it doesn’t.  They are only “holier than thou” because they are telling you that they are holier than you — and for no other reason than that. 


Mom:  Well, Beatrice goes to Daily Mass.


Me:  And Beatrice is a very social person.  With her husband passing away and her eight children being grown and out of the house, she finds going to Daily Mass a nice way of getting out, meeting her friends, and feeling useful.


Mom:    Well, I guess so… but she sits under a tree with a rosary and prays a special pray for each of the 50 states… and…


Me:  Mom, if those things give her purpose and meaning to her life, that great!  I’m happy for her, but that doesn’t give her the right to force her beliefs and routines on you or anyone else.  That doesn’t give her the right to judge you — or anyone else.

I thought I was making some headway, until Mom broke down in tears.  After the tears started flowing, there was no stopping them.

So, that’s how my aunts were able to take my mother’s self-worth, while heightening her guilt and anxieties — with religious prayer cards, pamphlets, and painting pictures of the religious devotion and piety… 

         … much like the self-righteous thief in my dream.

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