Submit vs. Surrender — The Difference is Intent

I ran into an acquaintance that I haven’t seen for about five years.  I asked how she’s been doing and asked about her three daughters and her mom.  Everyone was doing fine.  The youngest is a senior; the other two were in college — one going abroad, etc.

I, then, complimented her on her short haircut — telling her that I really liked that cut on her.  It looked very care-free and youthful on her.

She ran her hand over her hair, smiled, and nodded as she said, “Thanks!  I got it cut when I separated from my husband.  He wouldn’t let me cut my hair.”

Now, I know that most men like longer hair on women, but her choice of words was interesting. 

She didn’t say, “I kept my hair longer for him, because he liked it longer.”

No, she said, “He wouldn’t let me cut my hair.”


“He wouldn’t let me” gives the impression of submitting to another's control — as if your will is being taken from you.


On the other hand, when you keep your hair long because your partner likes it long, it’s your choice to keep it long.  You’re doing it because you like pleasing your partner.  You’re surrendering your preference to his… but it’s still your choice.  You’re giving to him.  He’s not taking anything away from you.


The result is the same — longer hair — but the intent behind the gesture is completely different.  It's the difference between feeling controlled by someone and caring for someone.

Not surprisingly, she kept smiling when she told me that things are better for her and for the girls — now that her husband and she are separated.  


Yeah.  The freedom behind that short haircut did wonders for her. 


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