I guess it’s appropriate that
our last contact is through this portal. After all, this is where we
first met.
When I look back, I can see
how our relationship was created by this game.
We were strangers coming
together in a fantasy world — pretending to be people we were not. I purposely
picked an avatar that was strong and self-confident, but was also innocent and
submissive under the right protector.
When I was new to the game,
you took notice of me. You took me under your wing. You were my
guide, my protector, my companion. You stood tall and
masculine. You held confidence in your hands like the Excalibur sword you
wielded. Little did I know that, one day, that sword would be turned
against me… to tear into my heart.
But in the beginning, I
didn’t foresee that. It was too easy to keep the fantasy going, where we
can pretend to be more than we were — more accomplished… more understanding…
more caring… more confident… more mature… more intimate… more stable.
I surrendered myself to your
world — to a world full of action, speed, and strategy. Every day, we
purposefully risked our lives in the game and never had to pay the consequences
of those actions. We could be reckless with our lives, daring death to take
us; and when it did, we simply lost counterfeit materials. There was no
physical pain, no emotional grief, and no loss of life. When we died, we
simply resurrected from our own ashes.
When things became too
overwhelming between us, we simply logged off. When we didn’t have the
energy to interact with each other, we simple zoned out… into the game.
Yes. It was too easy to
keep the fantasy going. It was too easy to fall in love with the
characters we’ve created; and that’s what we did. We fell in love with
the characters and not the real persons that we are.
You were a master at the
game… so good at living your lies… so good at shielding your “self” from
others… and from me.
And I needed so badly to
believe in you. I wanted you to dominate my senses… dominate my
being…dominate me. I wanted to believe in your virtues. I wanted to
believe in your stories. I wanted to believe in your lies. I wanted to
believe in you… I wanted to believe…
.
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