The book club will act as a focus group for the book, discussing what they like and don't like about it.
This book discussion group was a good idea when the book was authored by some stranger outside the group — but my heart and soul is in this particular book, and I’m not very good at taking criticism.
These two facts put together… I just don’t see myself enjoying the next series of book club meetings… and I can’t get out of them because the meetings are held at my house.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m afraid will happen. It’s just an irrational and uneasy feeling, like most fears. Basically, I’m imagining everyone telling me everything that’s wrong with the book. I’m afraid that the group will reject the book… and me along with it.I know, logically, that’s not going to happen, but Fear is not logical. Fear is Fantasized Experience Appearing Real.
Of course, there’s no law that says I have to put the book up for discussion, but that will only make things worse. If I withdraw the book from discussion, I would have let my fears win, and I can’t have that.
It doesn’t matter what our age is, at some point or another, we all meet up with the Fear of Rejection. Its power comes from the human need to be accepted, recognized, and affirmed by others, so we can feel good about ourselves. It’s natural. It’s part of life.
But if we let Fear of Rejection control us, it can prevent us from being authentic human beings.
We are so driven by the need for acceptance of others that we can lose our own identity in the process. We may want to be accepted so badly, that we mimic the ways in which others act, dress, talk, think, behave, and believe. As we do this, we lose our own identity (i.e., what makes us unique and special); we lose the ability to think for ourselves; and in the process, we lose the ability to be ourselves.
It's just that if we continue to allow this fear to control us, we will soon become confused as to our true identity, perpetually wearing masks to please others. We keep our personal feelings hidden. We become dishonest with ourselves, so much so that this dishonesty carries over into our interactions with others. In short, we become habitual liars — to ourselves and to others.
We do all of this because we are afraid of being rejected.
The sad part is that Fear of Rejection is one of those self-fulfilling prophesies. If I can’t accept “the real me,” how can I imagine anyone else wanting to accept who I am? If I pretend to be someone I'm not, how are others to come to know me and trust me?
In short, by allowing the Fear of Rejection to step in as a barrier for me, I end up feeling rejected by the very people with whom I want to connect.
What I perceive as rejection from others is really distrust… the distrust I created in myself and presented to them. I never gave them a chance to meet and come to know the real me.
I didn’t trust them enough to let them in.
I didn’t trust myself enough to let them in.
To break this cycle, I have to take the risk, take the mask off, and put myself out there for others to see.
So, I’ll have to have Ready or Not be the subject of our next book discussion, even though I’m uncomfortable about offering my heart and soul to the group.
I have to do it… like it or not…
Man! Me and my BIG mouth!!!
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