Trying to Keep the Fires Burning…

I’m stuck doing the yucky, boring stuff, again—the stuff I hate doing.

I’ve become hoarse from working on the audio clips — doing and redoing them — and now, I’m sick of hearing my own voice talking at me.

I’m happy to say that there’s an impressive number of clips up — in my humble opinion — from both books, “Silhouette of a Friendship… From the Inside Out” and “Ready or Not — Life’s Coming at Ya”.

The two “Self Defense Against Fear” audio clips are getting the most attention, thus far.  I’m hoping people will stumble over the four “Bullying” clips, as well.

I still have more to do, but I’m burned out on recording, at the moment.  Like I said, I’m sick of hearing my own voice talking at me.

Katherine and I went over the third book in our series of children’s books. 

I’m not happy with it — not at all.  It flows well, moves the story along, and has lots of lessons in it (just like the other two books do), but there’s just not enough adventure in it to keep the reader wanting  to read more…

The most intense piece of the book — the piece I had hoped would bring the book to life — has been moved to the second book.  It fits well in the second, but renders the third book…. well, blah.

I’m putting that third book aside for a while… while I wait for my villains of conflict to come knocking on my imagination’s door.  Besides, there’s no pressure to finish the third book, until the first book is picked up by a publisher. 

In the meantime, I’m going back and searching for more publishers for Silhouette of a Friendship…  I’m sending out queries to the smaller “eclectic” publishers — the ones who aren’t mainstreamed.   Maybe we’ll have better luck with them.

After I've work down that list, I can jump over and start going down the list of children's book publishers.  I haven't made a dent on that list yet.

I’m  also continuing to reach out to local therapists to see if anyone has the time to give us feedback on the teen book.  Thus far, those responding back love the concept, but don’t have the time to review the material. 

I’ll just keep looking and asking…

So, yeah…  I’ve drained the creative parts of my brain and am now stuck doing the yucky, boring stuff, again — the stuff I hate doing.

Bummer!

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It’s Not Just What You Say, But How You Say It

I just experienced an interesting water aerobics class… but I need to tell you about it, rather than write about it, so…

If you would, please click on the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP6LMOOpvAY 

We'll Need More than 2 Minutes to Solve This Problem

I’ve been working on adding audio videos to our YouTube channel and have moved into recording more pieces from the teen book, Ready or Not—Life’s Coming at Ya.

I posted the first story from the Bullying section of the book (Part 3).  Of course, when I posted and reviewed it, YouTube pulls a list of other videos that deal with the subject of bullying.

Listed on the side were videos from sessions in Congress, discussing the issue.  There were sessions from various school boards discussing the issue.  There were videos on the Children’s Forum Debate.  There were various videos showing gameplays for bully online games.  

In the list of all of these, there was one video that was titled “How To Deal with Bullies”.  The video took less than 1 ½ minutes to view.  The video stated that the answer to dealing with bullies is to simply avoid the bully.

Just walk the other way, stay out of his way, or take a different route…

GOSH!  Let’s give ourselves a collective slap on our foreheads!  Why didn’t we think of that?!

If it was that easy, why has bullying become such an epidemic?  Why are kids committing suicide over it?

GOSH!  If it’s that easy, then what’s the problem?

The problem is that it’s NOT that easy.  Bullies exist everywhere.  We go to school with them; we work with them; some of us live with them and even worse, are forced to sleep with them. 

No.  It’s hard for me to openly admit this, but a bully has qualities that we, as a society, admire and reward.  The bully personifies the “survival-of-the-fittest” mentality that permeates our human psyche.

 

Notice how most people you meet have this drive to compete against you, to gain control, to gain the upper hand, to dominate a situation, to get the last word in a conversation, to win an argument, to possess another person, to fight for that competitive advantage, etc.  Our culture thrives on this facet of our human-ness.  There is this internal hunger in us to assert ourselves over everything and everyone around us.  It is in this way that we carry a bit of the bully in each one of us. 

It’s this internal bully that scares me the most — and the fact that, as a society, we praise and reward the survival-of-the-fittest attitude over the virtues we pledge our allegiances to… truth, integrity, fairness, justice, kindness, generosity, apple pie, and the American Way…

Ironically, in preserving the human race in this manner — through the survival-of-the-fittest (a/k/a bullying) method — we lose what makes us human.  The very trait that has preserved our species has destroyed our humanity.  This survival-of-the-fittest theme prevents, if not totally destroys, the emotional survival of humanity.  It hinders the possibility of experiencing and cultivating quality relationships with friends and couples and within families and social groups.  It stands in the way of the most fundamental and vital element of a relationship.  It stands in the way of trust. 

I want this to change in our society. 

I want civility to come back into our civilization.

I want our human-ness to survive in humanity.  

These are the desires that feed my need to publish our books and create the audio videos.  This is what feeds my craving to get these bullying segments up.

I know what I want to share with others will take longer than 1 ½ minutes, but, if I can prevent someone from becoming another victim of bullying, it’ll be well worth the time.

Yeah.  We’ll need more than 2 minutes to solve this problem.

P.S. I was so "motivated" by this post that we've posted a number of YouTube audio clips/videos dealing with the bullying subject -- http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=2AspiringAuthors&aq=f. 

Please check them out and give us feedback.  Thanks.

In Search of Peace and Quiet

The annoyingly loud humming of the new “energy efficiency” refrigerator has stirred me from my sleep… again.

This refrigerator has taken over my life.  IT controls my movements in the house — when I eat, when I sleep, when I wake up, when I play the piano and practice, when and where I watch TV and talk on the phone, what I write about, etc.  I’m afraid to open the refrigerator when it’s quiet, for fear of waking the frigid monster from its slumber.  Once that happens, it roars back into action.

I can’t sit in silence — literally — so, I’ve complained about this phenomenon ever since I got the fridge — three days ago.

Everyone around me —from the salesman to my mother— tells me to suck it up.  “You’ll get use to the noise.  Your problem is that your house is too quiet and stress-free.  Get a couple of dogs, a couple of kids; turn on the TV and stereo, run the vacuum, run the A/C, dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer—then you won’t notice the noise coming from the refrigerator.”

Their answer is to add more noise… not to eliminate or reduce the noise pollution that already exists.

So, I feel like I’m being held hostage by my refrigerator, and no one cares to rescue me. 

I even offered to pay ransom for my freedom — to buy my peace and quiet back!  I went back to the store to exchange the fridge for a more expensive, but quieter model.  The salesman tells me that there is no such creature — a quiet refrigerator.

I searched online and found his statement to be true… at least a fridge in my price range.  If I had $5,000 in my budget to spend on one appliance, then I could get a quieter one… and that day will only come when I become a famous and published author.

I guess this is our own doing.  This noise pollution problem was actually instigated by us… well, by the people we voted into office — Congress. 

Due to Congress passing energy efficiency laws, manufacturers of refrigerators have replaced the high-powered, quiet compressor fans with lighter, noisier fans that have to run 75% of the time to keep the refrigerators at the requested temperature.  Because the motors run 75% of the time, this constant loud droning sound is ever-present.  If you live in a small house that has an open floor plan (like mine), the loud humming permeates throughout the house, around corners and seeps under closed doors. 

It’s during these times that I have to grab for the printout of the Serenity Prayer — because, in this state of mind (and lack of sleep), I can’t recite it from memory… or from my heart.

Yes, I’m in search of the Peace and Quiet that used to live in my home and my heart.  They do not live with me, anymore — not since the new refrigerator moved in.  They moved out when IT moved in.

Yes, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Since I haven’t been graced with such wisdom to know the difference, I’m still searching for a solution to my problem.

Can I change this for me?  Can I bring Peace and Quiet back into my home and soul? 

Through Internet searches and forums, I’ve learned that noisy refrigerators bother more people than just me.  One gentleman took a decibel meter with him and searched for two weeks — looking for a quiet refrigerator.  He only found a quieter one.

Another lady has to wear earplugs to sleep at night.

One person has placed sound absorbing (fire-proof) material in the walls around and on the floor under his refrigerator to soak up the offensive noises his refrigerator makes.  He said that the sound absorbing material has eliminated most of the noise. 

So, that’s my next step.  I’m paying a guy to install sound absorbing installation around the fridge. 

If that doesn’t work, I guess I have to accept things I cannot change… but I’m not there yet…

What is very interesting about this experience is that, once I made the decision to do something about the noise — and not just sit and accept it, like everyone’s telling me to do — my friend, Peace, came back home.

So, together we sit, waiting for the day that Quiet returns home. 

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Sign of the Times?

I was reading a post from one of the various writers’ groups I’ve joined.

One fellow aspiring author tells us he has a literary agent.  This literary agent has written her first book and has decided to self-publish it.  Our fellow aspiring author adds no more details, other than his bewilderment.  This is understandable, since he has pinned all his hopes on this literary agent getting him signed with an established publisher.   

I find his news both ironic and telling…

Telling us what?  I’m not sure… 

I don't know if it's telling us how tough the publishing market is… or telling us how difficult it is for new authors to be picked up by publishers… or telling us how beneficial [or NOT] a literary agent is for first-time authors… 

Whichever it is, it's pretty depressing to think that your literary agent — who you’ve pinned your hopes on — can't get her own book picked up by an established publisher... using her contacts, influence, and skills.

Yes, of course there can be a number of reasons for the agent to choose to self-publish instead of marketing her book to a publishing firm. 

She may rather publish her book herself instead of giving 90 percent of the proceeds away to a publisher.  She may feel that she can do a better job and have more control over her book if she did it herself.  She may have the desire and the cash flow to start her own independent publishing firm.  What better way to test the waters than with her own book, before drawing on her established client base of unpublished authors?  Then again, she may have written a book that is not in the genre her publisher friends are interested in…

Logically, there are a host of reasons the literary agent has decided to go the self-publishing route herself, while promising her clients that she has the influence, connection, and skill to get publishers interested in their manuscripts—for a piece of their profits.

After all of that reasoning, it’s still funny to me that a literary agent has opted to self-publish her own book…

And I can also understand how our fellow aspiring author finds it more disturbing… than funny.


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A Cool Morning and Even Cooler Reception

I woke up early this Saturday morning—not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

You see, my fridge is on the fritz.

The refrigerator repairman had promised me he’d come by to check it out on Wednesday, but he didn’t.

He promised we’d get together on Friday, but he didn’t come by.

He promised he’d be here first thing this morning… early enough for breakfast…

I’m not sure what he’s expecting for breakfast, since my refrigerator is on the fritz.

In any case, I’m up early on a Saturday, waiting for my fridge-guy to show up at my front door, to fulfill all my wants, needs, and desires… as they pertain to the refrigerator, that is.

I’ve put everything else on hold for the day, so I can give this guy my full attention.  I’m willing to wait all day — well, a couple of more hours — before calling him, endlessly, until he picks up his phone to explain why he’s blowing me off, yet again!

Why am I letting this guy control my life, at least for today?  It’s because I need something from him.  It’s that self-interest thing again.

Unfortunately, it seems that I need him more than he needs me at the moment, which makes this relationship unbalanced.  He has all the power, which is why he’s holding all the cards and I’m waiting at the door for him, day after day...

So… this is my revelation of the day:  Relationships — and this goes for any type of relationship — is built on each participant needing something from the other. 

All you hard-core romantics may scoff at this, but a relationship — even an intimate, couple/partner relationship — only works if each gives something to the other and that “something” is actually what the other wants.  Once this give-and-take dynamic no longer exists, the relationship no longer exists.

Before you call me a heretic and hang me from my thumbs so I can’t write, think of your various relationships — at home, at work, at the supermarket, at church, at the gym, at support meetings, in volunteer associations, etc.  Each person is there to get something out of one or more persons in those various relationships…

We can’t get around the fact that we all want something from others, even if what we want is friendship, understanding, acceptance, support, love, intimacy, affirmation, encouragement, etc. 

If we can’t get what we want from the people in our current relationships, we go looking for those things elsewhere.

Understanding the fundamental driving force behind your various relationships — and that once you stop supplying what your partner needs, the relationship will end — will help you sustain an ongoing relationship or explain why the last relationship ended.

So, yeah… I’m not sure how much longer I’ll pin my hopes on this particular fridge-guy to come save me from my current predicament.  I may have to end this relationship and find one that will fulfill my needs.

Wish me luck.

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Who Am I Kidding?

While I’m waiting for a therapist to get back to me, I’ve decided to live in the little world that I’ve created for myself. 

No, not the overly-optimist world most people believe that I’m living in — the one where I’m so close to becoming published.  No, not that one, but the little circus world that I’m creating for the children’s book series.

Yeah, I’ve started on the third book in the series — before we’ve gotten adequate feedback from the first one, and before Katherine has had a chance to read the second book in the series. 

The good news is this third book is keeping my brain busy… busy enough to control my obsessions. 

• I’m not sitting at the computer, emailing Ellen DeGeneres again… just to say, “Hi, remember us?”  I did think about doing that this morning, but I didn’t follow through with it.   I think that’s progress…
• I’m not emailing the same therapists over and over again, asking if they got my initial request for feedback on the teen book, Ready or Not…  I did that only a couple of times, but then I stopped.  I think that’s progress…
• I’m not inundating Katherine’s email box with off-the-wall ideas to help us get noticed by publishers.  I’ve just been going ahead and doing the off-the-wall ideas and then apologize to Katherine, afterwards.  I think that’s progress…
• I’m not beating myself up because I’m only two months ahead of schedule on the blog entries, when I use to be three months ahead.  That’s progress… 
• I’m not fixated on checking how many people view this blog or the YouTube channel… as much.  I only check it three times a day now.  That’s progress, right?

So, yeah…  Working on this third children’s book is controlling my obsessive tendencies…

Heck!  Who am I kidding?!




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I Need a Therapist!

 

The first step to a solution is admitting that you have a problem.


So… I'm admitting that I have a problem. 

Remember me telling you that I was unsure about the teen book (i.e., blog entry: Filled with Self-Doubt)?

Well, I’m still unsure and am still in search of someone to read it and give me feedback on it.

No, I take that back.  A friend at work has read it and loves it… but she’s not in my target audience.  I need a teenager or those dealing with teenagers to help me out.

In the darkness of my despair over this, I think I’ve stumbled over a solution to my problem. 

I’ve started emailing therapists who work with parenting and teen issues.  I’ve started contacting local therapists first, and then I’ll branch out from there.  I know therapists are very busy and their time is money… but I’m hoping that one or some of them will be able to take some time to give me feedback on the book.

So, yeah…at this point, I need a therapist…


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Keep Chasing That Dream...

As you can guess…

One of the toughest things to do is picking the right publishers to pitch your FABULOUS manuscript…

There are some publishers who want the luxury of three-to-six months to make their decision, without you asking any other publishers to look at your work.  These publishers want exclusive rights to say yes or no… without any pressure from other proposals.

Thinking that we would have publishers fighting over our materials, we made the conscious decision to put these “exclusive” publisher requests at the end of our lists.

Well, we’re at the end of our list for Silhouette of a Friendship…From the Inside Out.  It’s time to contact the “exclusive” publishers… one by one… with 3-6 months breaks between them…

BUT!!!!

My favorite publisher — the one I REALLY want to take us on!!... the one that would be PERFECT for us!!! — is on this exclusive list. 

We tried earlier… asking, begging, pleading… if they would bend the “exclusive submission” rule, but… well, you can guess their response… or rather… their non-response.

Anyway… that was then, and now is now. 

I feel that we’ve waited an appropriate time of mourning for the other publishers and are ready to pursue this new suitor!

I’m heading off to the post office now.  Wish us luck!



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Sunday Morning Thoughts...

I’m having a great weekend!  Friday night I went out with some friends and made a fool of myself on the dance floor — line dancing for the first time.  Then Saturday morning I went to water aerobics, just to get to go to lunch with the water aerobics gang. Then, I came home to find a voice message waiting for me.  My teacher friend was in town for the weekend and wanted to get together for the rest of the day. 

I just got up today and who knows what this sunny Sunday will bring…

So, yeah!  I’m having a great weekend, thus far—which got me thinking of a conversation Katherine and I had just the other day.

She brought up the Myers Briggs Type Indicator—which is a series of multiple choice questions that are designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions.

The questions are very basic and unobtrusive.  If you want to read more about Myers Briggs, simply google “Myers Briggs personality tests” or something close to that.  If you want a quick overview of the 16 basic personality types, you can check out this link: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/high-level.html

Anyway, since then, Katherine has been looking for the 16 basic personality traits in people she meets.  She’s a very social and outgoing person, so she meets a lot of people, and this helps her identify with each person quickly.

So, she had me take the test and it wasn’t a surprise that one of my traits is that I am an introvert.

I think most writers fall into that category — where our thoughts are focused internally.

What’s interesting is that most people think introverts are antisocial… anti-social… against society.  I don’t agree with that belief — not at all.

I think there is a difference between the two.  Just because my inner world takes on a more dominate role in my behavior (e.g., I think first before acting; I need some private time for myself; and I prefer one-to-one communication and relationships), doesn’t mean that I shun social interaction.

Antisocial is defined as shunning the society of others; not sociable; hostile to the established social order; engaged in behavior that violates accepted mores…

So…yeah… there’s a difference between a person whose thoughts are directed inward and a person who is against society.

Oops… look at the time… This introvert has to get ready for another “social” day on her calendar… 




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Publish America

I ran into a Christian publisher on the Internet and thought it wouldn’t hurt to pitch our material to them.

As I was doing so, I had this really creepy, uneasy feeling running through me… but I didn’t listen to it.

The website for Publish America looked official with lots of happy testimonials from their authors… and they made it super easy to submit your pitch.  They stated that they “adhere to the traditional publishing concept”. 

The website said that they would get back to you in 24 hours; and for an impatient person like me, 24 hours sounded like a reasonable time to wait for an answer.

But, as I was doing all of this, I had this really creepy, uneasy feeling running through me… but I didn’t listen to it.

I prepared the submission and hit the submit button.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I started listening to the really creepy, uneasy feeling running through me.

So, I googled Publish America and the word SCAM came up in the headline search.

Oops!

In reading the material on the Internet, I can’t say that Publish America is scamming their authors, but neither are they helping their authors.  The term scam deals with deceit, fraud, swindling, trickery, etc.

I can’t say this publisher is scamming their authors… although they are not providing the services that are expected from a truly “traditional” publisher — which is what is causing the complaints.

They seem to be a hybrid mix between self-publishing and traditional publishing.  The authors don’t have to pay to get their books published, but nor does the publisher help promote, distribute, or market the books either.  Past clients have complained that this publisher jacks up the cover price past a reasonable selling point and doesn’t pay royalties as promised.  The publisher will accept any manuscript submitted, will do minimum editing, if any, and will push out a product that some bookstores refuse to place on their shelves.

As I’m reading all of this — instead of hitting myself on the head for not listening to the really creepy, uneasy feeling running through me — I tell myself that when they come back and say they’d love to publish our book, I’ll end it there.

To be fair, this publisher has a right to make a profit and be in business.  They may be a good fit for some authors, but I’d rather pass at this time.

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Time To Change My Password

You know my propensity for picking passwords to positively propel our publishing pursuits…

Well, for the last couple of months, I had the name of the most promising publisher as my password — the publisher who actually read the sample chapters, asked for the rest of the book, and then asked us to complete a new author media questionnaire…

With fingers crossed, eyes closed, and hopes uplifted, I’ve been holding my breath for their decision.

It came yesterday.  The UK publisher had another friendship book coming out later this year, and didn’t want to have our book compete with their current client who was already signed with them. 

Even though I was hoping… really hoping… but … it’s OK…. 

If I was the publisher and had a friendship book already in the mix… in the UK…. why would I go out on a limb for two new/unknown authors from the US?  They made the easier decision.  It may not have been the best one for them or us, but it was the easier of the two… and I understand it…

In the back of my mind, I really think that the children’s book is what’s going to get us “discovered” – and once we are, then these other books will be in more demand….

So, it’s time to change the password again… to something more general…something that I’m really wishing for… something desperate… maybe pleading…maybe determined… or demanding…

Something that portrays my true desire… something like… MAKE IT HAPPEN, NOW!


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Work Friendships

A friend of mine from work has decided to resign from our place of employment.  She’s in her mid-20s and is preparing for a new and exciting phase of her life — a phase in which our current place of employment no longer fits.

She’s been unhappy with our work environment for quite some time now and has been planning to leave… but this week, she actually stamped a date on this plan. 

When she announced the date— while it brought her relief, liberation, and closure on something she has been struggling with for a long time — it brought me to tears. 

Although I am very happy for her — because she has her whole life in front of her, which is full of new adventures and challenges — I am sad for myself.  I am sad, not because I’m left behind, but because I will miss my work-buddy.

I’ve learned over the years that work relationships are difficult to maintain outside of the work environment. 

Workplace friendships are so amazing!  We spend so much confined and concentrated time with our work-buddies that we can’t help but discover the good and bad behaviors of each individual — including the good and bad behaviors within ourselves.

Where else can we find an eclectic group of individuals forced to spend at least a third (if not more) of their lives together in the pursuit of making enough money to support the other two-thirds of their lives? 

These individuals do not “choose” their work-partners.  The working relationship is forged simply to supply some type of good or service to a paying public.  Most of the co-workers never knew each other before being corralled into their office cubicles and meeting rooms.

Because their sole purpose for being together is to make enough money to enjoy the rest of their lives, the friendships made here are mostly functional and somewhat superficial.  Although they call each other friends, they are merely business associates. 

Don’t get me wrong.  Some work acquaintances can develop into meaningful relationships, although not many follow that path.  The true test is when either I or one of my work buddies leaves the workplace.  Do we stay in touch?  Does the friendship survive after one of us is released from the corporate confinement of the cubicle?

My friend and I are soon to find out the answer to that question.  I think we have a better chance than most, because we value our friendship to each other… but life tends to get in the way of even the best-made plans and best of intentions…

What makes it so difficult to keep work friendships alive is that the ties that had bound the relationship together are no longer enforced.  There is no longer a common goal, a common code of conduct, or a common enemy.  Once a person is released from the chain-gang, rarely is there mention of the former cellmate.

This abandonment is devastating for most.  For so many people, their job defines who they are.  When I first meet a person, I introduce myself as what I do: I am an auditor, an editor, a housewife, a teacher, a student, a web designer, a performer, etc.  Take that identifier away from me and who am I?

When a person leaves a job, s/he not only leaves the income but the prestige — the title or identifier that came with the position.  If that is not depressing enough, add to that, when s/he loses the job, s/he also loses office friends — the people with whom s/he shared her/his work-life.  For a couple of weeks, there may be some emails going back and forth, but after that, silence — out of sight, out of mind.  It is sad to see how leaving a job translates to losing friends and losing your identity. 

I hope this doesn’t happen with my friend and me, because our friendship has become very addictive.  When my friend isn’t around, I feel an emptiness in me.  It hurts to lose contact with a true friend.  It isn’t easy to replace. 

So, yeah, although I’m happy for her, I’m sad for myself…



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