The Magic of Dreaming

 
Well, the first draft of the second children’s book is done.  The next time Katherine comes by, I’ll ask her to read it out loud for me and see how she likes the story.  From there, I’ll make changes.  I hope there are not too many changes to do.

Her son hasn’t gotten around to reading the first story, and I haven’t heard from my teacher-friend — well, I haven’t heard about how the kids like (or don't like) the story.


I have heard about the rough time the school’s administration is giving their teachers, regarding test scores and their A+ accreditation.  Even though they are the top school in the district, each year they have to increase their stats by some static percentage.  The problem is, once you’ve reached the top, how can you keep increasing by a static standard? 

So, the school is adding more and more administration and school study aids for the teachers and the students to keep up with — which takes away from teaching time with the students — which is supposed to work on raising a score that can’t really get any higher. 

It’s like adding more and more water to a healthy plant.  Like plants, imposing more
attention(?) ... to something that doesn't need any more... attention... will drown a productive and healthy system, and cause that healthy system to wilt and die.  As with anything, more is not always better.

Anyway, that’s what my teacher-friend is dealing with right now, so she may not have the freedom or time to share our story with her class… at least, not yet.

Since the bulk of the work for the second book is done, I’m antsy to get things moving again…in some direction… for one of our other projects or books in our unpublished inventory — whether it’s searching for publishers (YUCK!), working on presentations and promotional stuff (Katherine’s expertise), playing with audio recordings, or coming up with another concept for another book…

OH! This is funny.  I haven’t slept much while writing the second book — between work and the holidays and the story just flowing through me.  So, when the train of thoughts for this second story finally came to an end and I could put the book to bed, I thought I could do the same for myself.  I thought I could take a well-deserved and long nap.

Darn it if I didn’t wake up from a dream that outlined a subplot for another book!  I jotted the notes down, but told myself to let that plot just sit there for a while.  It’s only half baked and needs more time in the oven… and I needed more time to dream…




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Am I Mistaken or Did You Deceive Me?

The reason I wanted to discuss dishonesty is because it brings up a whole host of things with one flick of an illusionist’s magic wand — trust and lack of trust, acceptance, vulnerability, fear of rejection, deception, betrayal — and the list goes on.

I know we’ve recently talked about the importance of Trust and the Fear of Rejection (in Me and My Big Mouth).  I don’t want to rehash all of that again, although this dishonesty discussion has nowhere else to go… other than back to that earlier discussion about trust.  

In my last blog, I mentioned a group meeting that I had atteneded.  At that meeting, someone declared that if her partner was dishonest with her, then that would be the end of the relationship. 

Others found exception to such a direct and strong statement.  Some were quite vocal about it, reminding the speaker that she was far from perfect. 

Isn’t she holding others to a standard that isn’t achievable?  Is she setting her partner — and the relationship — up for failure?  Can anyone be honest every minute of the day? What about forgiveness?  Don’t people deserve second chances?

I’m all for forgiveness and second chances, because, yes, I am not perfect…

BUT, I agree with the initial speaker, because I see a distinction between dishonesty and misunderstandings or mistakes.

The difference is the intent behind the action.  There is an intent to deceive behind dishonesty that does not exist behind simple miscommunications, mistakes, and misunderstandings. 

In fact, intent to deceive is the accounting and legal distinction made between fraud and error.  If you can prove the intent to deceive, then the action in question is fraud and not a simple error.

And I’m pleased to report that the group came up with that same basic conclusion.

But the most interesting point in the discussion, at least for me, was made by the lady sitting at the end of my table.

She reasoned that people are open and honest with others when they feel unconditional acceptance from others.  No matter who they are or what they do, they are assured that they will be accepted.  There is no Fear of Rejection; therefore, no need for deception or dishonesty.

The only reason to be dishonest with others or yourself — to intentionally deceive — is to hide something that you don’t want others to see.  If IT — whatever IT is — is revealed, there is the fear of disapproval and rejection from others. 

By saying, “I am dishonest because I fear rejection by others, if I reveal my true self” sounds like I’m blaming others for my dishonesty. 

Because you won’t like me for who I am, I’m going to intentionally lie to you.  I’m blaming you for my deceitful actions.  

Something’s just not right about that, but what is it?

Am I being dishonest because of others or because of myself? 

Am I surrounding myself with people who won’t accept me for who I am… or am I embarrassed with whom I’ve become and am being dishonest with myself as well as with others? 

If I’m hiding my true self because I’m hanging around people who won’t accept me for who I am, then I need to disassociate myself from those people and surround myself with people who accept me for who I am. 

If I’m doing something against my core principles that makes me ashamed of who I am — something that makes me hide from myself… that makes me lie to myself — then I must take a long, hard, and honest look at myself and work toward returning to my core principles.

In either case, I can’t blame you for my actions — for my dishonesty.  I have to accept the consequences of my own deception and change things to right the wrongs I’ve inflected. 

If I’m being dishonest, I’m either hanging around the wrong people, or I’m going against my core principles.

If I’m dishonest, it’s because I’m doing something wrong. 

It’s as simple as that. 



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Paradox of Happiness

There’s nothing new on the publishing front, although we are starting to get some wonderfully encouraging letters of hope from the publishers who choose to respond back to us.  They simply love Silhouette of a Friendship…From the Inside Out, but they’ve already set and spent their budget on books for the upcoming year and regret that they have no room to add ours to their lists. 

So, we’ll just keep trying.


Anyway, let me tell you about this very interesting group of men and women to whom I was introduced.  They meet once a month to focus on relationships, communications, etc. — really cool stuff and the subjects our books center around…

At this particular meeting, they were discussing the importance of having a support system around you when you’re going through tough times — for example, when you’re breaking up from a meaningful relationship.

I’m not sure everyone realizes how a strong social support group or relationship is crucial to human survival.  It’s the connection and commitment to others that pulls you through the most devastating experiences.  Simply put, you cannot do it on your own; you need others to survive. 

Not only is this key to your survival, it’s key to your pursuit of happiness.
 

A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches strive to define happiness and identify its sources.  One dictionary defines happiness as a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.  Ordinary people like you and me have been searching for these components since the beginning of time.  Social psychologists and scientists have been monitoring and prodding their patients/subjects in the hopes of determining exactly which combination of ingredients produces happiness. 

What makes happiness so hard to pin down is that it’s different for each person, and it changes for each person, literally, every day.  What made me happy yesterday may not make me happy tomorrow, because I’ve adapted to a different level of happy.  What made me happy yesterday isn’t enough; I want more… and more… and more.

What social psychologists have been able to determine is that happiness is as contagious as a virus.  If you surround yourself with happy people, you will catch it and be more likely to stay content with what you have around you. 

Another factor is, when you become committed and connected to something that involves other people, your focus is no longer only on your “self” — and what you do or do not have — but on what you can do for others and what makes others happy.  A sense of accomplishment and appreciation accompanies the action of interacting with others.

You need to cultivate social connections and strong social relationships.  It’s imperative to your own survival and happiness.  If you don’t, you will be lost and devastated when adversity comes your way.  

It’s an interesting paradox that, to assure your own survival, you need to focus on other people. 

And it’s a lesson many people wait too long to learn. 

As you can imagine, this main discussion splintered into a host of different other conversations — all fascinating stuff.  I really enjoyed the meeting.

But the one other discussion that I’d like to share with you is the dialogue we had regarding dishonesty… but we’ll talk about that next time.


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It's All About ME!

No, I get it.  I understand why trains are scheduled to go through towns at the break of day.

What I don’t understand is why these faceless conductors find it necessary to blow their trains’ horns, (http://www.dieselairhorns.com/sounds/BM_RS-3B.mp3) nonstop, while doing so!  Don’t they know that I don’t have to be up for another three hours… AND it’s Saturday!

Anyway, I’m up now, and I’ve got some time to kill.

And this has given me something to write about… and time to write about it...before my day "officially" starts.

Let’s talk about my “it’s all about me” mentality (i.e., the self-interest perspective) that we (all) carry around with us everywhere we go.  I contend that it's not just me that does this, but everyone does it. 


Case in point... At the office this week, I went to two word processors with a lost document problem.  Let’s call the word processors Jackie and Jill, because that’s not their names.

Jackie helps Jill help me retrieve the lost document.  At the end of it all, Jackie turns to me and announces that she thought that their help was worth some Baklava (a rich, sweet pastry).  I gladly agreed and told her I'll bring in some the next day.

Jill was adamant about me not bringing any in.  “Don’t you dare!  You’ll be in sooo much trouble if you do!”

Jackie responds, “But she lives for trouble!  What would make tomorrow different from any other day?”

I agreed, “Too true.”

Jill gets herself all worked up.  “I’m warning you!  You better not bring that stuff in!  I mean it!  You’ll be in so much trouble with me!!!”

Jackie gives me her pouting-lip look and, sadly, takes back her request for Baklava.

Let me clarify something here.  Jill didn’t want me to bring the sweets in, not because it was against the rules.  She just didn’t want them around because if they were there, she’d eat them.  She figured that if she can’t control herself, she’ll control the environment around her.  Yes, this would deny everyone else the treats as well — but, she wouldn’t be tempted.

Since "trouble" is my middle name and Jackie always brings treats for everyone else and Jackie was the one who figured out how to solve my problem and she really wanted the Baklava… I decided to bring it in for her.  It was going to be up to her whether she wanted to share it with the group or take it home with her.

So, with that rationalization, I brought the treats in the next morning and slid the tray onto Jackie's desk without anyone noticing.

Later, when I went into the word processing room, I was greeted by Jackie's thankful smile and Jill's screeching voice.  Jill started yelling at me for bringing in the Baklava after she specifically warned me NOT TO BRING IT IN!!!  I’m really in BIG, BIG trouble with her!!!

I have all the word processors staring at me, at this point.  They were all eager to see how I was going to handle the WRATH OF JILL!!!!

I turned to Jackie and said, “I brought the Baklava specifically for you, Jackie, not for Jill, because Jill specifically said she didn’t want it.  Jackie, you have the choice to share them with everyone, or you can keep them for yourself.  It’s your choice.”

Jackie pointed to the tray of treats that were already on the table, “I’m sharing them with everyone.”

Then I addressed Jill.  “Jackie is graciously sharing the treats with the group.  Now, Jill, you don’t have to have any, if you don’t want any.  It’s your choice.  It’s up to you.”

The rest of the group looked at me, then at Jill.  Jill’s eyes got so big... but she said nothing.  There was nothing left to say but concede.  Teasingly, she hangs her head down in shame.

We were all laughing at that because we knew we're all guilty of doing the same thing.  We all try to control the environment around us, instead of concentrating on controlling ourselves.

It's what we do.  We constantly overestimate our ability to change others and underestimate our ability to change ourselves.

But still... I don't think that trains should be allowed to wake me up early on a Saturday morning!!!


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Talk it Up!

I’m still checking in with those writers’ discussion groups.  A couple of members have either a radio show or a blog in which they need guests to speak or to be interviewed. 

I don’t know all the ins and outs of this, but I was intrigued enough to pass it on to Katherine, the speaker/presenter/interviewer of this pair — to see if she’s interested in looking into this further.

One person, S.R. Claridge, spotlights an author each week.  Now, I don’t know if the author has to, actually, be published or not….but it couldn’t hurt to tell her of our situation and let her decide.

Since her blog is titled Feeling the Fiction, I would assume she’s interested in fiction and not nonfiction.  The question is whether she’s interested in only adult fiction or would she be interested in talking about our children’s book… another minor detail that may close off that opportunity to us… but again, it couldn’t hurt to tell her of our situation and let her decide.  

If Katherine is interested enough to check it out, at the very least, Katherine could reach out to Ms. Claridge and make another contact for us.

Another person has a radio talk show and is also looking for guests.  Her interests are much broader than just fiction authors.  The host is looking for authors, artists, vocalists, musicians, directors, etc.—so, if Katherine is interested in something like that, she could have her pick of subject matters…

I know I’ve said before, we’re fearless when we’re invisible — but if Katherine thinks this is something she/we could do, hopefully, we won’t be soooo invisible…

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Big Cat Rescue

I found out the coolest thing while researching for our next children’s book!  There’s a 45-acre, wildlife sanctuary here, in Tampa, Florida.  It is home to around 140 cats representing 23 species of wild cat.  Big Cat Rescue (formally, Wildlife on Easy Street), isn’t a zoo.  The animals’ peace and tranquility comes first.  The cats are either endangered or in danger of becoming so. 

Big Cat Rescue is located only 10 minutes from Tampa International Airport and 9 miles from Bush Gardens.  It is staffed by volunteers, and donations are appreciated and tax deductible. 

You can take day tours if you’re interested.

I just thought it was pretty cool!



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Conflict Resolution — A Theory

Last time, we tried to answer the complicated question regarding how to handle agitated or irate individuals.

Last time, we talked about one of the natural laws of being human:  We, as humans, operate primarily out of our own self-interest — and how our separate perspectives and feeling of “rightness” create barriers to communication and, ultimately, prevents an equitable solution for both parties. 

We are concentrating so hard on getting our individual point of view and needs met, that we ignore the other side’s point of view or needs.  Neither side is willing to listen to the other, which creates the agitation, frustration, and anger.

So, now that we know what DOESN’T work… what should we be doing, instead?

Well, another natural law of being human is the fact that everyone has an internal need to feel understood, validated, appreciated, seen, and heard.  We are social beings; therefore, we need to connect with others.

Logically, if we have this need to be understood, to be validated, to be appreciated, to be seen, to be heard — to be connected to another human being — there has to be another human being out there willing to understand, willing to validate, willing to appreciate, willing to see, willing to  listen.

So, by understanding those two basic principles — that is, everyone operates primarily out of self-interest; and everyone needs to feel understood, validated, appreciated, seen, and heard— we can handle any conflict and agitated people.  Well, that’s the theory…

How does this work?

Well, one of the best ways to calm agitated people down is to let them talk, let them get it all out, and really listen to what they are saying — and I mean really listen.

It’s common for people to think they’re listening to you, but they aren’t.  Instead of listening, their heads are busy formulating their next response to you, thinking to themselves how wrong you are, or doing things other than trying to understand what your perspective is.  They also become so defensive and entrenched in their own perspective that they, literally, can’t hear your point of view.

Now, you know that you don’t have the power to change that other person — no matter how long and loud you yell at them.  The only way to break the cycle is for you to change the way you react and the way you listen to others. 

Simply, don’t do what others do to you.  Resist the urge to interrupt and just let them get it all out. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they are saying so they know you’re hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling.  Keep the focus on them until they calm down and feel better. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel understood.

By doing this, you took the time to understand, validate, and appreciate another human being.  The person feels seen and heard.  Now that their basic need is met, they are able to focus on something else… and hopefully, that something else is you.

Once you’ve taken care of their need to be heard and understood, it’s your turn to let your feelings be known.  Communicating your feelings and needs clearly is an important aspect of conflict resolution. 

If you’ve ever said the wrong thing in the heat of the moment, you know that saying the wrong thing can add fuel to the volcano and make a conflict worse.  It is important to remember to say what’s on your mind in a way that is clear and assertive, without being aggressive or putting the other person back on the defensive.  You don’t want to do that, because you’ve just worked so hard to tear down that defensive barrier between the two of you. 

[One effective conflict resolution strategy is to put things in terms of how you feel — using “I feel” statements — rather than what you think the other person is doing wrong.]

Once all the feelings and needs are out in the open, it is time to brainstorm a solution to the conflict. Sometimes the solution is quite clear; other times, it’s more difficult. If a compromise or middle ground cannot be found, then sometimes you can agree to disagree. The important thing in conflict resolution is to come to a place of understanding and try to work things out in a way that’s respectful to all involved.

By the end of that, the person will see that you really tried to help come up with a solution. The person will feel understood, validated, appreciated, seen, and heard—and the person will no longer be agitated…

Well, that’s the theory, anyway.   It’s definitely something that takes lots of practice — but then again, the other way wasn’t working for us, so…

What do we have to lose?  Let’s try it.

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Plug for Icouldbe.org

I don’t know if I’ve shared this with you or not, but I volunteer with an e-mentoring program, http://www.icouldbe.org/   It’s a way to help hundreds/thousands of students as they transition from junior high to high school and out into the adult world.  All you have to do is give a bit of your time to help guide these students in the direction they want to go, focusing on educational planning, community service, financial literacy, and career exploration.   It’s a pretty cool program, and it gives you a chance to tell teenagers what you wished adults had told you when you were their age… to make the transition between adolescence to adulthood easier.

It’s not a perfect system.  Because this is a funded program, there are “forbidden, taboo subjects”  that, we as mentors, cannot discuss with the students, even if the students ask us about them.  Our correspondence is restricted and reviewed by the administration before reaching the students.  Personal information and predetermined key words are automatically deleted from correspondence. 

Granted, all are necessary precautions, but they do censor the inquisitiveness out of the teenagers.  The students are not allowed to ask the questions they most want to ask — but are too afraid to ask their parents or teachers…

This is one reason that I am so determined in getting the Ready or Not… book out there, to address some of the subjects that cannot be addressed in conventional forums. 

But, something is better than nothing; and icouldbe.org is certainly filling an important need. 

And I’m enjoying meeting the students and answering their questions about different career paths, college fears and expectations, and their questions, in general. 

One student emailed an interesting question.  He asked:  In your particular field, do you have to deal with agitated people, and if so, how do you deal with them?

 Gosh!  It’s embarrassing to admit that, not only have I had to deal with agitated people, but I have been an agitated person that others have had to deal with — which, I guess, makes me an expert on the subject and allows me to comment on both sides of the issue. 

I really feel that all of us, at one time or another, have dealt with both irritated and irritating individuals — and have been irritating to others, as well.  [I can’t be the only one!] 

It’s really an interesting phenomenon to experience, if you stop and think about it.

When I have to deal with an irate and defensive individual, my instinct is to protect myself by putting up barriers against this emotional and unstable person who is displaying irrational and aggressive behaviors. 

On the other hand, when I turn out to be that irrational and irate individual, I see myself as a righteous person, standing up for myself, not allowing others to stomp all over me!

Which perspective is correct?  Which reflection in the mirror is real? 

What’s really going on here?

Well, the basic problem is that we’re all human; and because of that, we operate primarily out of our own self-interest.   Logically, at some point in time, my self-interest is going to get in the way of your self-interest.  Sooner or later, one of us is going to step on the other's toes and get in the other’s way — because our expectation of the other is not being met.  It’s inevitable.

Conflicts occur when you don’t give me what I want (or vice versa).  When this happens, we each try, desperately, to cling on to our “rightness” in the situation, ignoring how this “righteousness” stands in the way of communication and, ultimately, an equitable solution for both parties.

If the situation isn’t handled properly, by the end of the interaction, we both end up frustrated and hurt because neither got what we wanted from the other.  No one’s happy and everyone is agitated. 

By the end of the encounter, we see our own reflection in the eyes of the angry person standing before us.

Well, my student-friend did ask me how I handled agitated people.  A better question would have been…How should we handle agitated people?

I’ll try to answer that the next time we're together…



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Best Laid Plans

Do you remember when I told you that I have a good friend who teaches elementary school, who is excited about sharing the children’s story with her first graders but that I’d like Katherine’s son to read it first, before sending it out to other kids — all because I’d like to be able to tell him that he was the first kid to read our book? 

Well, Katherine’s son has had the manuscript to read for a while now, but he’s been sick and add the holidays to that, he’s just hasn’t had the energy or inclination to pick it up — and I don’t blame him.

My teacher-friend has asked me — a couple of times — to send her the revised version to share with her first graders, because she’d like to read this book to them.  She has the availability in her schedule now and not later.

I don’t want to hurt Katherine’s or her son’s feelings, but I don’t want to hurt my other friend’s feelings either, especially if she’s going out of her way to help us out… nor do I want to lose the window of opportunity to get the book read by a classroom full of children…

I’m sure Katherine will want me to send the newest version to my friend, but she’s out of town and I can’t ask her permission to clear my conscience about this. 

I reason to myself that her son did receive the manuscript before the class did; he has the freedom and ability to read it whenever he wants; and I can’t force the universe to align precisely to my whims….

So, yeah… I think I’ve convinced myself that all will be fine with this decision… and if not, I’ll deal with the consequences... later...




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The Right Decision

 

Yep.  It was the right decision to revamp the book.  In doing so, I think it will make the book even better.  It forces me to add more detail to the emotions that the characters are feeling as they are interacting with each other. 

Of course, I know what the characters are feeling all the time.  They live inside my head, but that fact doesn’t really help the readers, does it?

Of course, I could read the dialogue the way I hear the characters speaking in my head, but I’m not the one who will, ultimately, be doing the audio version. 

Of course, the additions are taking longer than I expected, but I’m glad I’m going back through and redoing so much of it.

Yep.  It was the right decision to revamp the book.  In doing so, I think it will make the book even better. 




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Testing…Testing….1… 2… 3…

One of my co-workers came back with her feedback on the children’s book. 

She really likes the story, the characters, and the message of the book.  The only issue she had was with the dialogue’s format.  Once I explained the idea, she’s fine with it.  She encourages me to keep on writing.

I’m glad she brought up the format issue.  Even if it didn’t have anything to do with the story, her comment did make me stop and rethink the issue. 

Initially, I formatted the dialogue that way to save myself time but, in the long run, did it?

Do I have the resources to go around to all the publishers, agents, potential readers and explain away a formatting issue of the book?  Can I afford to have a formatting issue, potentially, ruin my chances of being published?

Of course not!  It’s much easier to rework the book and eliminate the confusion from the start.

And… come to think about it… I ran into the same type of problem when I was laying down audio tracks for the book.  Again, the story was fine.  It all had to do with the format of the dialogue — the way it was laid out.  It would work well, if we had voices for each of the 15 characters, but not if one person was reading the story aloud. 

Yep.  I’m glad I had my friend read the book, and I’m glad that I experimented with the audio tracks, even though it means that I have to revamp the book to add more descriptive lead-ins for the dialogues and start all over again with the audio version.  At least I found out these problems now, before sending it out to publishers.

So, back to the drawing board…

OH!  Drawing boards reminded me… Katherine has a friend who is a graphics artist.  He may be interested in helping us illustrate the book.  I’m wondering… would he be interested in creating illustrative slides for the audio version as well?

It never hurts to ask...




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Reaching Out

Well, I’m still in search of that one person who believes in the Pay It Forward concept — who will bestow her or his grace upon us and jump-start our writing careers. 

I did a quick search on friendship books and came across Kelly Valen’s “The Twisted Sisterhood:  Unraveling The Dark Legacy of Female Friendships”.  Her book caused me to visit her website (http://www.kellyvalen.com/); and it was her genuineness that encouraged me to reach out to her for her guidance.

It’s always a risk when I reach out to someone for help.  I never know if the person will be receptive or not.   I never know if the person will take the time to respond or not.  I understand that going into it, but I think… what do I have to lose? 

In this case, I had nothing to worry about.  Kelly Valen emailed me back immediately.  She was very personable, friendly, open, encouraging, inviting, and helpful.

Kelly admits that her path to becoming published was somewhat unconventional.  She was very lucky that, once her piece was published in the New York Times, things started falling into place for her. 

She’s in a similar category as us.  She’s not a psychologist or a celebrity.  She wasn’t a known-author or blogger.  She’s a mom who had a few publishing credits to her name… and that’s about it.

She suggested that we look into getting an essay or excerpt published somewhere — whether it is in a magazine, newspaper, or wherever.  Something like that may just kick-start things for us, as it did for her. 

I like that idea a lot, simply because it’s something that I can actually work on accomplishing!

So, I’ve picked up another little project to add to the others… all to reach our ultimate goal of becoming published authors. 

I really appreciate Kelly taking the time to write us back and give us her opinions and suggestions to help us on our journey. 

What I appreciate the most is her request for us to keep her posted on our progress.  It makes me feel like we have picked up a supportive ally on this journey of ours. 

Thank you, Kelly!


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Trusting Balance

We had an interesting choir practice last night.

I haven’t figured out how I’m going to tie all this into our journey of becoming published, but I wanted to share it with you, and figured… who’s going to stop me?

Let me give you some background first.

Katherine is also our choir director at church.  She has the group — a mix of teens and adults — do a type of lead-and-follow exercise at the start of our practice.  There are two stated points to the exercise. 

The first point is to demonstrate that, as part of a group, you must master the art of focusing your attention in the direction that it needs to be.  You must maintain this focus no matter what you’re dealing with or what other distractions are around you — crying babies, people talking, people moving around/leaving early, etc.

The second point of the exercise is to demonstrate that there is a constant give-and-take, lead-and-follow exchange that must permeate throughout the community that encompasses the director, musicians, choir members, clergy, and congregation. This exchange of energy and switches between the lead and follow roles happens continually among all the people involved (i.e., choir members, musicians, director, clergy, and the congregation).   We are all connected.

It was an interesting exercise.  Some members were more comfortable following, while others were more comfortable leading. The "leaders" had a hard time relinquishing control when it was their turn to follow, while the "followers" lacked the presence to lead.  The leaders lacked the trust needed to follow, and the followers lacked the confidence to lead.   

At the conclusion of this exercise, Katherine reveals that one must be a good follower to be a good leader, and vice versa.  As a leader, you need to understand what your followers need from you.  As a follower, you need to understand what a leader needs from you.  To be able to move easily between both roles, you need to be comfortable, confident in your roles, and trust in each other.

I find this lead-and-follow, give-and-take, yin-and-yang balance important… not only in choir work but in life.  This balance between the feminine energy and the masculine energy lives within each one of us — whether you’re male or female.  

There’s this constant dance between the creative, nurturing, receptive side that follows where the path leads and the directive, action-oriented side that propels the movement forward.

I think every start of a New Year tends to focus more on the yang of things… with its focus on New Year's resolutions and what needs to be accomplished — taking control of one’s direction and destiny. 

I wish I had more opportunity to yang through 2011… but I don't.   I have to yin most of it, instead.  

I have to trust that everything is connected and will work itself out, somehow.  I have to trust in the lead and follow, give and take, yin and yang of life.

This is not easy to do.  For example, the more I push in the direction of becoming a published author, the more I realize that I have to sit back and let things unfold.  It’s teaching me to take each moment as it comes.  It's teaching me patience.  There’s no rushing through this process, no matter how hard I try.

To sum all this up in one thought:  We have to keep everything in balance and in perspective; and to do that, we need to trust in ourselves and each other.

A good reminder for the New Year... and Happy New Year!


OH!   Don't forget to wish Ellen DeGeneres (http://ellen.warnerbros.com/show/respond/?PlugID=10) a Happy New Year from us!

Thanks!



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