Getting Back on Track…

Katherine was out of town when she texted me several days ago.

Basically, her text informed me that her way was the right way and I was wrong…

That would be fine, if it wasn’t the fact that she and I have been working on these joint projects together — for several years, now — and what she wrote totally disregarded and disrespected my position.  She implied that I was incapable of achieving her level of awesomeness...

So, yeah… I had an issue with what she wrote.  I'm funny like that.  

I wrote back, telling her as much… 

She never responded.

Since I thought we had a major issue to resolve between us, I was a bit tense when — days later — we were to meet over our projects.  If we couldn’t respect each other’s views, then I saw a need for an exit strategy.

As I walk in for our meeting, I see Katherine relaxed on the couch.  She realizes that I’m tense, but has no idea why.  She asks where I was in my cycle… wondering if I was PMS-ing or something.

I ask her to re-read her last text to me.

She does… and agrees that she could see how I could become upset with what she wrote.  

She would like me to forget about the text.  Pretend it never existed — that she never sent it.

She admits that it was a terribly worded text and it does not represent what she was trying to say. 

She explains what was going on and what she was feeling when she wrote it, and what she really meant to say…  The way it came out was not what she was meaning to say.

As she explains herself better, it reaffirms the wisdom behind giving her the role of speaker — and giving me the role of writer...

At the end of it all, we’re still on the same page; we’re still on track and ready to move forward. 

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The Relationship between Mental and Physical Health

My 87-year-old mother is in the hospital with congestive heart failure.  For years, the doctors have told her that she needs to replace the valve in her heart, but she doesn’t want the operation because she’s afraid of having a stroke on the table—which is a risk.

But we can’t talk about any type of surgery now…

All we’re concerned about at the moment is getting Mom’s meds managed, getting her back on her feet, and getting her strong enough to get her home.  To do that, she’ll have to go to a rehabilitation center to regain her strength.

And before she can do that, the doctors have to get her meds managed so she’s stable enough to be discharged from the hospital.

As each day passes and new symptoms (and consequences of past trial-and-error medicines) surface, an increasingly thick layer of depression and misery hangs around.

Doctors are giving Mom a mixture of meds, trying to stabilize her, but I’m as concerned about Mom’s mental attitude as much as her physical health.  One feeds the other and vice versa.  The mixture of meds, which are causing a chemical imbalance, is also creating an emotional imbalance which is affecting her moods, outlook, and her overall health.

I’ve given up trying to contribute in this situation.  My presence is met with criticism and rebuttal.  Her extended family has rallied around her, and nothing I say or suggest is credited with any value.  They all know better than I, and I’m dismissed as soon as I arrive.    

On one hand, I’m hurt by this; but on the other hand, I’m released from the responsibility.  There are doctors and nurses in our family who are more knowledgeable than I, in this particular area. 

I know that everything happens for a reason and will work out the way it is meant to work out. 

And, even though all we can do is take one day at a time, it's hard to convince the rest of them of this unchanging and natural law...

But then again, tomorrow is another day and brings with it another chance to do better…




.

Why Does Every Encounter Have to End As a Power Struggle?

Warning!!  Venting Zone Ahead!

Thank goodness I have Friday off.  It’s the beginning of the week, and I’m already fed up with the office for the week! 

My main frustration regarding the “professional" (?) work environment — in which I spend 50 hours a week — is the fact that those working there don’t respect each other.  They don’t have the attitude of working together… of collaboration… of supporting cooperation… of sustaining healthy relationships with one another.

Why does every encounter have to turn into a power struggle around here?  

Why can’t a person have a pleasant conversation with someone in the kitchen, without being reprimanded for it? 

Why are employees so focused on covering their butts, instead of focused on working together to come up with solutions?

Yeah… I’m frustrated…

All of this goes against my core value system.  I don’t like being a part of a company that has avoiding responsibility, bullying, and blaming others running freely through its vein-like corridors.  

People go around assuming the worst of others, jumping to negative conclusions, and accusing others instead of accepting the consequences of their own actions.  

This behavior is practiced and encouraged by the Head of the division; therefore, it’s understandable why this type of behavior permeates throughout the workplace. 

When I complain, they simply shrug.  If you don’t like the office politics, you’re welcome to leave.  You’re expendable… replaceable… disposable…

The saddest part is that if/when I do leave, I’ll find that the next place will be the same or even worse…

Yeah… Friday’s not coming soon enough for me…

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Safe People

I just ran into this term and its definition, and I really like it.

"Safe People: People who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self."

Wouldn’t that be awesome — to be defined as a safe person by others?!

It makes me think about how lucky I am to have a number of safe people surrounding me.

Just think how different the world would be, if everyone was surrounded by safe people and was a safe person for others? 

I can't imagine anything better than that.  Can you? 

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It’s No Wonder!

My day job is with a company that publishes educational materials for professionals.  My division deals with accounting, auditing, business consultation, governmental accounting, and tax accounting — and a bunch of other boring subjects dealing with figures, regulations, and calculations.   

Today, we received an unusual customer complaint.  An accountant said that our forensic accounting supplemental video was offensive.

Two things surprised me: 
  

• First, someone actually watched one of our boring accounting videos.  
• Second, that person found the forensic accounting material offensive.

Because this accountant wasn’t specific in detailing the complaint, we couldn’t really address whatever the problem was.  All we could do was pass on the customer's comments to the forensic investigator who created and presented the material in the video. 

But the incident does remind us that we initially come to each other as strangers… with individual expectations and personal history.  We bring along our insecurities and fears, our bias and prejudices, our judgments and righteousness, and our preconceived notions and half-truths.

With all of this going on, it’s no wonder that it’s impossible to satisfy everyone and just as impossible not to offend someone along the way — no matter how hard we try... and no matter what subject we're discussing.  

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Abandonment of Wonderment

Have you ever walked into a room and been immediately drawn to a person?  I’m not just talking about being physically attracted to another person, but attracted to the person’s energy, ease of laughter, attentiveness, genuineness, caring, intelligence, etc.

I was drawn to such a person the other day.  His energy, enthusiasm, passion, openness, genuineness — all of him — filled me up. 

Although I didn’t have a chance to talk with him because he was working, he affected me, intimately, in the way he approached his “duties.”  

I’ve watched and listened to hundreds of men before him — all going through the same routines and rituals that he was performing — but those others didn’t have the same intensity as this fellow did.

He approached each activity with such focused attention… such conviction… such wonderment and awe. 

He reminded me of the innocence that tickles children’s cheeks as they wake up on Christmas morning — and the abandonment in which they rush to the Christmas tree, gasp at all the gifts, and realize — with no doubt in their hearts or minds — that they are loved, they are special, and they are never alone.  Santa does exist. 

That was the vision that this man conjured up.  It was breathtaking and over all too soon.  I wished I could have stayed with him longer and drink in his energy… but alas, I couldn’t.

Besides, he’s forbidden fruit. He’s a newly ordained priest — ordained a handful of years ago — who is currently stationed at a local church I visited the other day. 

Still, this constraint doesn’t prevent me from admiring his essence and the way he approaches life.   It’s a good reminder, too.

Most of the time, we’re weighed down by the stark reality of our day-to-day routines and obligations — so much so that we begin to feel like an old tube of toothpaste.  Our energy is squeezed out of us — used, abused, spit out, and splattered all over the bathroom sink…

It’s during these times that we need to brush off the caked-on paste, put ourselves to bed, and wake up like a child on Christmas morning… filled with limitless energy, wonderment, and awe over the enchanted life we hold within us…

And if we’ve forgotten how, there are people around us who will show us…

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She’s a Sly One, She is!

I’m still going over it in my head.  I’m not really sure exactly how she managed it…

We were sitting at Applebee’s, discussing the book.  I was telling her that I wasn’t prepared to wait another two months to get this new section — that she wanted— added into the book.

She agreed, but she didn’t have any free time for another couple of weeks, unless…

Katherine:  “Unless you come to the women’s retreat this weekend with me.  Then we can work on the section during the lunch break on Saturday… and again at the dinner break…”


Me:    “but…”


Katherine:  “OH!!! and if we can get a group of women to go through the book with us, and get their feedback and…  OH!! This would be wonderful.  Just think of it!!! I’m so excited about this idea!!!  I’ll bring the laptop and, this time, I’ll remember the manuscript with my notes…and…”

She went on and on… so excited that she was jumping up and down in her chair with every new thought she uttered. 

I met her excitement with growing dread.  I sat there shaking my head and pressing my lips closed tightly.  

She’s been inviting me to these weekend gatherings for a month now, and I haven’t had a weekend free to attend any of them. 

Truthfully, I’m not much into large gatherings, retreats, etc.  They aren’t in my comfort zone.  I enjoy small, intimate gatherings with one or two people. 

Katherine knows that about me, and feels that interacting with larger groups would be good for me.  It will get me out of my comfort zone and expand my experiences.

I know she’s right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m uncomfortable with the thought of it.

It’s like telling me that I should eat more broccoli and spinach because they're good for my health.  Intellectually, I know that to be true, but it doesn’t stop me from going for the chocolate cake, instead.

So, the more she chats about the weekend, the more I dread my fate... because I know — in the end — I will surrender. 

Me:    “Katherine, you know what you’re doing?  Suggesting that we work on the book at the retreat is like dangling a carrot — no, dangling a piece of chocolate cake — in front of me.  You’re using the one thing that I can’t say “no” to…”


Katherine:  “I’m only doing it to you because I think it really will be good for you.  You’ll gain something from the retreat that you never knew you were missing.  Trust me…"


Me:    “And I’ll have my car, so I can leave anytime I want, if it becomes too much for me…”


Katherine:  “Yes, you will have your car and will be free to leave anytime you want… but you’ll enjoy the retreat… you’ll see!  It starts on Friday 3:00 and if you can get the day off, then we can…”

I sat there, just shaking my head…

Yes.  She’s a sly one, she is!

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What Have I Gotten Myself Into?!

 

I ask myself this question almost daily now…  

What have I gotten myself into?!

Katherine and I made lunch plans to work on — what I had hoped would be — the finishing touches of the final version of our book. 

Yes, I’m still trying to encourage Katherine — short of chaining her to a chair — to sit still long enough for us to put this first project to bed.  She still needs to read the book through — cover to cover — and give the OK for us to move on.  We can’t move forward until she does that.

You see, Katherine — lovely person that she is — suffers from two common, modern-day diseases. 

#1:    She’s a master “multitasker” — She doesn’t focus on one thing for any length of time.  She’s involved in three or four things at a time.  She’s late for most things because she over-commits.  She tends to cancel things at the last minute... because she over-promises from the start… 

#2:    She’s also a perfectionist — She’s never satisfied with what she has accomplished.  She always wants more… always striving for more.  Projects are never “completed” because they can always be better.

How does all this affect the progress of our book?  Well, the fact that she can’t devote 30 minutes at a time, to sit down and read the book, makes it difficult for her to get through the entire book…

And when she does sit down for a couple of minutes at a time, she thinks of all the things we don’t have in the book, instead of focusing on what we have tackled in the book.  I swear that she wants this first book to capture all the answers to every question uttered by every man and woman who lived on Planet Earth… starting with Adam and Eve.

Now, mix in my impatience with her tendencies toward multitasking and perfectionism — well, let’s just say that we’re getting nowhere fast on completing the final draft of our book together.

I was really hoping that our lunch meeting would move us leaps and bounds ahead; and I was encouraged when she pulled out her laptop and started booting it up. 

But those hopes were squashed when she mentioned that, in her haste to meet me, she forgot to bring the printed manuscript that contained all her notes.  Without that printed manuscript, we couldn’t discuss her changes…but she knew she wanted to add yet another section to the book, so it would encompass even more….

As I choked down my disappointment, I agreed to work on a new section with her, because it would add to the book… but she had to promise me that this was going to be the last time!!  This adding more and more stuff had to stop at some point!!  We can’t publish the book if we never finish writing it!!

Yes, yes… she agreed.

I asked when we could get together again to pull together that new section.

Katherine:  “Well, let me think.  It’ll have to wait for a couple of weeks, because I’ve got all this other stuff to do...”


Me:  “Katherine, I don’t want another two months to go by…”


Katherine:  “I know, I know… but… I don’t have any free time…. unless…OH!  unless…”

When she outlined her plan to me, all I could think of was….

Now what have I gotten myself into?!

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Row Your Own Boat…

Years and years ago, I ran across a PBS special with Dr. Wayne Dyer, an internationally best-selling author of more than 30 motivational books.  Something he said struck home with me, and it’s become my mantra of sorts.

He gave an interesting interpretation of the common poem, Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Now, whenever I’m stressing out, upset about someone telling me what I should be doing or what I’m doing wrong — or frustrated because others aren’t doing what I think they should be doing — I chant that poem to myself:

Row, row, row your boat — [Control your own actions instead of trying to control others]

Gently down the stream — [Take things as they come and don’t fret about what lies ahead]

Merrily, merrily, merrily — [Be happy with what you have]

Life is but a dream — [Life is too short; enjoy it while it lasts]

These lines have helped me through many frustrating encounters with family and friends alike.  I know they all mean well, and they want the best for me.  The problem lies in the fact that they really don’t know what’s best for me.  They only know what they would want, if they were in my situation. 

Repeating the poem to myself helps me acknowledge the simple fact that the only person I can control is myself and no one else.

And over the years, I’ve learned that that’s the toughest concept for most of us to accept and practice — to row our own boats.

For example, it’s so easy for us to see what’s going wrong in others' boats.  We’ll even yell across the stream, just to point out what’s wrong with the way others are rowing their boats — i.e., living their lives. 

In the meantime, we’re overlooking what’s happening in our own boats (i.e., lives).   There’s water splashing in as we fight the currents and waves from other boats; we lose track of our oars (e.g., obligations, promises, and commitments to others), because we’re not paying attention to what we’re doing; we’ve forgotten to bring along our life jackets (e.g., family and friends who support us emotionally), because we were too much in a hurry to chase after some stranger downstream.

So, yeah… we’re a bit of a mess… but that doesn’t stop us from telling others what they’re doing wrong…

I should know better!  Really, I should!

There are so many people in my life already telling me what to do, how I should do it, what I’ve been doing wrong, and what I will be doing wrong in the future… and I really don’t like it — not at all. 

So, why do I think it’s acceptable for me to do it to others?

If I want the freedom to row my own boat, gently down the stream, merrily — without confrontation, criticism, or obstruction — I should accept and defend others’ rights to do the same with their own lives.

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream 

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I’m Numb

I’m numb. 

For the past couple of years, I’ve been trying to contact a friend of mine.  We were really close years and years ago, but she moved out of state, and we've lost touch.

Over the years, I’ve called her; but after another move, the phone number I had for her no longer worked. 

Emailing her wasn’t an option, since she wasn’t comfortable with the computer and didn’t have an email address. 

The letters and cards I sent in the later years started to come back with no forwarding address. 

Knowing my friend’s hectic, constantly moving, and crazy life, I just assumed that she was happily busy with her family — and I, mentally, wished her well.

She’s such a beautiful person that I couldn’t wish her anything less.  She’s another exceptional person I’ve had the privilege to know.  Her loving spirit shines through every piece of her and brightens everyone and everything around her.  She is totally devoted to her family and “her family” includes everyone she meets.  Her presence makes such a difference to those she touches. 

So, I can understand how we fell out of touch, and I am so grateful that our paths crossed for as long as it did.

Two years ago, some internal need made me resurrect my search for her again.  I knew my friend wasn’t comfortable on the computer, but I thought, maybe, time had changed that and searching on Facebook was worth a shot.  It would be one way that she can keep in contact with her family — and I thought, maybe, her daughters would have set up an account for her. 

So, I took a shot.  Unfortunately, my friend’s name is pretty common, and I had to develop a hit-and-miss strategy to my Facebook search.  I thought I had found her and sent her a friend’s request… but got no response.

That didn’t stop me, though.  Each time her birthday rolled around, I would reach out again and again… with no response.

This year, when her birthday came around, I reached out again…

Then it struck me.  Her youngest daughter would be in her twenties now — and part of this Facebook generation.  If I can find her, I can ask her to wish her mom a happy birthday for me.  And that’s what I did.

Yesterday, the daughter messaged me back. 

Her mom — my friend — was killed in a car accident, by a drunk driver… two years ago.

I'm numb.

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Sleepless Nights

I’m in one of my introspective moods, tonight — and I’m very tired. 

I’ve been having a series of dreams these last couple of days, which have left me troubled.  The dreams deal with feelings of loss and brokenness.

One was about a chef preparing a fabulous meal for us.  It was delicious to those she served it to, but it wasn’t to her liking.  Because of that, she became upset and angry.  During her tantrum, she threw away all her pots and pans and gave up cooking.  She gave up her life-long pursuit, because that one meal wasn’t perfect… in her eyes. 

Another one dealt with me breaking my eye glasses — at the bridge of the nose.  I tried fixing the bridge with superglue, but I just managed to super-glue my fingers together instead, and the glue on the bridge of the nose irritated my eyes to tears…

The dream that started all this dealt with a friend with whom I’ve lost touch.  She’s as creative, intelligent, and confident as she is volatile — and her life has been very difficult because of these traits.  She cannot cultivate close friendships because of her strong and erratic mood swings. When she's in those moods, she simply pushes everyone away.

It’s been about six years, now, since she’s cut off contact with me.  I’ve tried calling her and have sent letters, emails, birthday wishes, and Facebook invitations to reconnect, but she hasn’t wanted to reconnect—and I have to respect her wishes.

This is one of the most difficult aspects of caring for others — respecting their freedom and independence, while dealing with the emotional connection that draws you into their pain.

I have to admit, my life has been more stable without her in it.  I’m not looking to opening myself up to the hurt that comes along with her friendship, and I wish I could leave well enough alone. 

And I would, if it wasn’t for these dreams…

The dream that started it all was about her.  In the dream, she was at some social event.  Something disturbed her, and she became very upset and angry.  She started throwing things and yelling.  No one could reach her to calm her down, so she continued to spiral out of control.  She threw things and disrupted the whole evening for everyone.

I know it sounds weird to most people, but the last time I ignored something like this, I learned later that the person I was thinking about had committed suicide.  No one could reach her, either…

I don’t want that to happen again.  I don’t want to learn later that I should have reached out when I had the chance. 

So, the dilemma — how do I not intrude, if all is fine with her and she doesn’t want to reconnect with me — but still be able to sleep at night, without the fear that I didn’t reach out when I should have?

How do I mend the bridge without getting stuck — like in the dream about my broken glasses and the superglue? 

After a couple of sleepless nights, I’ve decided to send a simple “thinking of you” note to her mother — figuring that reaching out to the family, as a whole, would be a safer way of connecting… while respecting my friend’s wishes.

At this point, I think that is all I can do and hope that it’s enough.

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Darn it! I Can’t Focus!

I’m trying to go through Dare to Be Contagious! yet another time, to catch more typos and grammatical errors.  I’m trying to clarify things here and there, while inserting artistic nuances I know no one (but me) will see…

Like I said, I’m trying to do all this, but I’m not being very successful at it.

My mind is too distracted with the news Katherine brought me the other night.  

As I understand it, she has connected with a couple of new friends, who are wanting to start up regular workshops and presentations.  They are successful in their business.  They simply want to expand their reach and want Katherine to be a part of their ensemble.  They want to start locally but plan to go national within the year. 

They already have an audience base; they have the venue and  a meeting/presentation hall.  They have an ambitious seminar schedule with various professional groups.  They are familiar with the business-side of things.  They will handle all the tedious stuff Katherine doesn’t want to deal with… and they want her to join them!  They have the financial backing for all of this.  They just want HER!

She’s excited because they are offering her everything she wants to do and nothing she doesn’t want to do.  FABULOUS!!!

Oh… and did I mention that they asked her if she had some written material that they could push through these workshops… and that they were overjoyed to learn about our book that happens to fit right into their theme — the human connection and connecting with each other?

And did I mention that Katherine mentioned her co-author, and their reply was something like:  Bring her in.  The more the merrier!

Now, all we need to do is get the %#$@* book finished, printed, produced, and on hand for these workshops that will probably start in a couple of months.

So, yeah… I’m really excited — in both a good and bad way.  I have to get the book as perfect as we can and get it self-published and printed in a short period of time.

I’ve never self-published before, so all of this is new, and I don’t have the luxury of screwing things up and starting over.  I need to figure out the interior design, get help with the book cover design, deal with the uploading specifications, setting up the account, ordering and reviewing proofs… and the list goes on…

It feels like I’ve just jumped feet first into an ice-cold pool of water. 

Yes, Father Time has pulled a fast one on me.  All that whining about waiting… waiting…  waiting… has come back to bite me in the butt…

Waiting for someone else is no longer the issue…

The problem now is… I can’t focus on the job at hand and everything I need to get done, because I’m too excited about what the future holds for us…

And what a FABULOUS problem to have!!!

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Listen to That Little Voice Inside…

I cross paths with an acquaintance at work.  We’re not particularly close, but we’re friendly when we pass each other in the halls.  We exchange hellos and goodbyes, but that’s the extent of our conversations.  A nod and a wave… and that’s about it.

Yesterday, we followed our same ritual, but a little voice inside me told me to look deeper into Pam’s face — so I did. 

I didn’t notice anything different.  She smiled and nodded her hello and goodbye as usual. 

Today, Pam walked pass my opened door.  That little voice inside me told me to follow her back to her office and check on her — so I did.

I knocked on her closed door.  She called for me to come in, smiled when she saw me, and waited for me to tell her why was I there…

I wasn’t sure exactly what to say.  Why was I there? 

All I could say was that I wanted to come by and check on her… I just wanted to make sure she was alright.

She stopped for a second, deciding how to answer.  Then she began to tell me of her current struggles — at work, at home, with her ex, and with her kids — and how she felt so all alone… bottling everything in… pretending how everything was fine…

I couldn’t change her circumstance.  I couldn’t change her ex-husband or her kids.  I couldn’t relieve her from her struggles. 

All I could do was listen… but that was enough. 

Talking it all out helped her put things in perspective.  Having a sounding board helped her organize her thoughts.  Simply giving her my attention and listening helped. 

Listening helped.  

It helps…

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If It’s Such Good Advice, Why Not Follow It?

I’m awakened by the piercing ring of my phone.  I roll over, planning to let the answering machine deal with the caller, until I hear my friend’s upset voice being recorded.

I stumble to the phone and manage to pick it up before she slips away in the shadows of my sleepy haze. 

Rachel is unnerved.  She finds herself in the middle of a very volatile and emotional situation.  Before she acts upon her instincts, she wants to pass the plan by me — her logical, objective, and stable friend, who always gives her good advice.

She gives me the background of her situation, describes her dilemma, and outlines her plan of attack.  Once she blurts everything out, she asks what I think of her plan.

I try to calm her down, so she can clearly understand what I’m about to say.  I tell her that, if I were in her situation, I wouldn’t do what she’s planning to do.  I foresee that her current course of action would create more problems than solve them.  Instead, I would do ‘such-and-such’.

She listens, understands the reasoning, and agrees that her plan of action would aggravate the situation.  She thanks me for my advice and hangs up.

Thirty minutes later, the phone rings again.  It’s Rachel… in tears.  She admits that I was right.  She should have followed my advice, but she went with her plan, instead.  Doing it her way did, indeed, make things worse. 

Rachel:  “Now, what do I do?  I’m thinking of going to him and doing ‘this-and-that.’”

Me:  “No, I wouldn’t do ‘this-and-that’ if I were you.  I would do ‘such-and-such’ instead.  Neither of you are in the right emotional state to deal with this rationally at this time.  If you continue on this path of yours, you’ll make it even worse.”

Rachel:  “You’re right, of course.  You’ve given me great advice.  Let me hang up with you and do what you suggest.”

An hour later, the phone rings again.  It’s Rachel… in tears.  She, once again, admits that I was right.  She should have followed my advice, but she went with her plan, instead.  Doing it her way did, indeed, make things much worse. 

Rachel:  “Now, what do I do?  I’m thinking of going back and doing ‘this-and-that.’”

Me:  “No, I wouldn’t do ‘this-and that’ if I were you.  I would disengage at this point.  You need to step back and let things settle down.  Don’t do anything more to agitate the situation.  Neither of you are in the right emotional state to deal with this rationally at this time.  If you continue on this path of yours, you’ll make it even worse.”

Rachel:  “Yes, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing… I can’t let…”

Me:    “I know it’s hard for you, but you’ll going to have to step back and let things settle down.  You’ll have to let things 'just be'... for a while.”

Rachel:  “I see where you’re coming from.  Thanks for the advice.  I’ll let you get some rest.”

Another hour passes, and the phone rings.  It’s Rachel again.  She's set up a meeting with him, tonight.  She's leaving in a few minutes.  She wants to discuss the matter further— even though an hour ago, he was so angry, and she’s very afraid of what he might say or do when they meet…

Me:  “Rachel!  Why are you meeting him?!  I told you to disengage… that means to disconnect.  That means NOT to talk with him, NOT to meet with him, NOT to see him!  Stop all contact with him until things settle down!”

Rachel:  “I know, but I can’t let things sit.  It’s not in my nature.  I can’t just wait things out.  I know you’re right, but it’s too late.  I can’t turn back.”

Me:  “Rachel!  Don’t go!”

Rachel:  “I have to…”

And the phone line goes dead.

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Out of the Mouths of Children

That's when we all need the 

hugs and kisses the most.

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