Denial as a Defense Mechanism

Oh, gosh!  I’m ready to throw up my hands in surrender.

I know that denial is a useful coping mechanism for the short term.  Denial gives us the time we need to adjust to distressing situations.

Basically, we refuse to acknowledge that an event has occurred.  We simply act as if nothing has happened — behaving in ways that others may find bizarre.  

We’re being unrealistic about something that’s happening — something that might be obvious to those around us.  

These people can’t understand why we don’t see reality the same way they do — and we’re just as mystified by their behavior.

And — as I said —  in some cases, a little denial can be a good thing. It may give us the time we need to deal with some sort of change in our life.  As our mind absorbs things, we can approach things more rationally and take action by seeking help.

Still, denial has a dark side. Being in denial for too long can prevent us from effectively dealing with issues that require action — such as a health crisis or a financial situation. 

It’s in this way the denial becomes a barrier or roadblock. 

This is where we are with my mother.  Currently, she’s in denial about her health situation.  Although she'll need more help than in the past, she’s doing great; she’s progressing nicely with therapy; she’s getting stronger every day.

Yet, she closes her eyes to all of this and only sees what she no longer can do.

And I’m ready to throw up my hands in surrender.

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In Over My Head

 Have you ever felt like you’re in over your head? 

That’s where I am…

It’s like I’m expected to juggle all these fragile porcelain figurines — and no one has taught me how to juggle.

I have to keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and focus on the things I have control over…

And let the rest…

                         :

                         : ... fall.

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Unfulfilled Expectations

Well, the first deadline set by the graphic artist has passed, unceremoniously — with no email, call, or sign from him that we’re any closer to getting published.  When we email him to ask how he’s doing, we get no response…

So… yeah…. sadly, that means that there's nothing more to report on that front… other than growing frustration and diminishing patience on my part.

What’s our next step?  Waiting for the next deadline, I guess,… which is in a couple of weeks.

If that one passes without a sign of life from this graphic artist, I’ll suggest to Katherine that we’ll need to figure out another path to take—because doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of stupidity. 

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Just When I Started to Have Some Sense of Control…

Really!!  Come on!  You’ve got to be kidding me!!!  

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been making myself crazy by researching self-publishing companies and comparing rotten apples to green oranges…

It was just two days ago, when I figured out which self-publishing path I felt most comfortable with.  All of them had their advantages and disadvantages, but the one I picked gave us more control and more royalties, with less expense on our part.  Yes, it meant more work on my end, but I was OK with that.

So, now I’ve been in the experimenting mode — formatting the book on my own, researching how to create ebooks, book covers, etc.  The more I do, the less it will cost to produce the book and more we can spend on promotion and marketing… at least that’s the plan.

I’m feeling better about things because I feel that we are moving again… moving down the path of being published.  I’m no longer in a holding pattern.  I’m no longer waiting… waiting… waiting…

I feel more in control of things!  Yea!!!!

And tonight — as I’m researching and learning all about copyright registration and Library of Congress cataloging — up pops an email from the California independent publisher — the publisher that asked us to revamped the book to fit their marketing niche. 

And we did just that.  We revamped the whole book for them.  I resubmitted it to them months ago, with several follow-up emails to make sure they received the new rewrites.  When I didn’t hear back from them, I simply assumed they weren’t interested in the rewrite, and I simply moved on.

Turns out, the person I was working with at that publishing house recently left that publisher, and a new person has taken her place.  This woman hasn’t had a chance to look at our material yet, but wanted to assure me that they did receive it.

Great!  Now what do we do?

Do we put our self-publishing plans on hold, until this “real” publisher gets back to us? 

Everything that I’ve been researching, experimenting, and teaching myself would be… well, taken care of by the publisher.  The book would become their property and our royalties would be less, but…

A “real” publisher can get us into bookstores and libraries and open doors to promotional events that would be closed to self-publishers.  Our book would be more eligible to be cataloged in the Library of Congress, which makes us easier to find.  [I learned that on-demand and self-published works are out of the scope for the Cataloging in Publication (CIP) program for the Library of Congress.]

We also wouldn’t carry the “stigma” of the “vanity press” label that self-publishers have to deal with…

All this only happens if a publisher takes us on —and this new acquisitions editor still hasn’t looked at our new book proposal and revamped book.  She may pass on it as well.

So, what does all this mean?  It means I’m back waiting… waiting… waiting…

Waiting for her to either work with us or send us another “encouraging letter of hope.”

And all this happens just as I start to have some sense of control…

Really!!  Come on!  You’ve got to be kidding me!!!