A Dying Spirit

I can’t say that I’m attached to any one church, because I’ve sung at various churches in my lifetime.

This weekend, a friend of mine visited me at one of these churches.  Our plan was for her to meet me at the church in time to hear me sing, and then we’d visit Mom in rehab and go out to dinner.

Our dinner conversation revolved around our afternoon’s activities — and she started to tell me about the nondenominational church she was attending.  At her church, there would be music and singing at the start, and then the minister would come in and start the “actual service.” 

She really doesn’t care for their music because it’s too loud for her taste, so she makes a point to slip in late — unseen — so, she can miss that part.

But she really, really likes the minister and how genuine and personable he is.  Even though she hasn’t been attending for very long and their congregation is HUGE, the minister greets her as if he has known her for all her life.

This welcoming nature of his makes her feel as if she’s a part of his family… as if he wants her there… as if this is her home and she belongs there.   This feeling makes her want to come back, week after week. 

She contrasted this warmth with the feeling she got from the church in which I sang.

To give you a bit of background:  The way the Mass is set up is that the songleader/choir (which is me for this particular service) will start off by leading the congregation in a gathering hymn, then the priest will lead the congregation in prayer, then the songleader/choir leads the congregation in community prayer/response and then hands the congregation’s attention back over to the priest… and we go back and forth like this throughout the service.

Singing is interspersed throughout the service and not just at the beginning.

My friend commented how she really enjoyed the music and the selections of songs.  She loved the way I sang, and how I lit up the place with my energy.  She enjoyed watching me interact with the congregation and the music director.  It made her happy to watch me because it was clear that I enjoyed what I was doing… and that I wanted to be there. 

She also pointed out that — without realizing it — that very energy spotlights what was lacking in the rest of the service.

Once a song was done and the 76-year-old priest took over, all the light and warmth went away — until I sang again. 

The priest’s monotone tone and mannerisms destroyed whatever was created before him.

He was just going through the motions… with no intent, no conviction… no joy...

It was apparent that he didn’t want to be there. 

Sadly, what she observed was true. 

 

When the presider shows up out of obligation — with no genuine spirit to share — it’s not surprising that the congregation is dwindling down to nothing. 

There’s no mystery why there are no young people in the congregation.  There’s no mystery why there are very few people in their 20s-30s-40s-50s attending. 

There’s no mystery. 

Once the pastor no longer supports his members’ spiritual growth, he loses his purpose and credibility.   Once his members no longer support his church, his church will no longer exist. 

A person with no spirit is nothing

More than a dark, abandoned shell of a person

Just like a church with no people is nothing

More than a dark, abandoned building

The two go hand-in-hand…

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Throw in the Kitchen Sink!

 

Well, I’m still juggling a lot of precious figurines — one being my mother, who is still at rehab.

This week, the plumbing under her kitchen sink busted and water started flooded her house.  Because Mom’s not at the house, we didn’t know of the problem until Mom’s caregiver went by to pick up the mail and check on the pool.

Now, we’re dealing with the insurance company, the cleaning/drying crew, the insurance adjuster, and Mom’s anxiety over all of this…

And what’s getting me through this is the fact that I’m not dealing with all of this on my own.

Mom’s sister-in-law and her family have stepped in and are helping us get through all of this.  Mom’s caregiver is also making herself available to let people in and out of the house as necessary.  My supervisor at work is allowing me to leave when I need to, to deal with this situation as well as all of Mom’s various doctors’ appointments.

People at work are giving me emotional support as well.  They let me vent.  They acknowledge that they can’t change anything for me, but they are on my side and they’ve been there.  They reassure me that I’ll get through this… one day at a time…

I know they’re right — but I really didn’t need the kitchen sink to be thrown in, on top of everything else…

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Why Does Every Encounter Have to End As a Power Struggle?

Warning!!  Venting Zone Ahead!

Thank goodness I have Friday off.  It’s the beginning of the week, and I’m already fed up with the office for the week! 

My main frustration regarding the “professional" (?) work environment — in which I spend 50 hours a week — is the fact that those working there don’t respect each other.  They don’t have the attitude of working together… of collaboration… of supporting cooperation… of sustaining healthy relationships with one another.

Why does every encounter have to turn into a power struggle around here?  

Why can’t a person have a pleasant conversation with someone in the kitchen, without being reprimanded for it? 

Why are employees so focused on covering their butts, instead of focused on working together to come up with solutions?

Yeah… I’m frustrated…

All of this goes against my core value system.  I don’t like being a part of a company that has avoiding responsibility, bullying, and blaming others running freely through its vein-like corridors.  

People go around assuming the worst of others, jumping to negative conclusions, and accusing others instead of accepting the consequences of their own actions.  

This behavior is practiced and encouraged by the Head of the division; therefore, it’s understandable why this type of behavior permeates throughout the workplace. 

When I complain, they simply shrug.  If you don’t like the office politics, you’re welcome to leave.  You’re expendable… replaceable… disposable…

The saddest part is that if/when I do leave, I’ll find that the next place will be the same or even worse…

Yeah… Friday’s not coming soon enough for me…

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Responsiveness in Healthy Relationships

Katherine came across this video that shows the role of responsiveness in healthily relationships. While this footage is of a mother and her baby, it's relevant to all relationships.  

Basically, the video reminds us, that no matter how old we are, we become hurt when those closest to us are non-responsive to our attempts in engaging them in a relationship.

What I find interesting is how quickly the baby responds back after being ignored by the mother.  There's no "holding a grudge" or "getting even" for the hurt inflicted.  The baby's just happy to have her mom interacting with her again.   

I think this is something we can learn from babies. 

Check out the link:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0&feature=player_embedded