What Bugs Me?

I walked into one of the opened office rooms where a small group had gathered around Julie.  They were all staring at her sweater’s sleeve.  I asked what was so intriguing on the sleeve.

“A bug,” came the response.

So, we had five people staring at the sleeve of the sixth person, contemplating the fate of this tiny, little bug that ended up in the wrong place…

After (what seemed to be) endless minutes, the conclusion was to take the bug outside and release it into nature, to be set free to enjoy its remaining days in sunlight — something us “office-folks” long for on a daily basis…

Watching this group from afar, I couldn’t help but think how sad it was that contemplating and guiding — if not controlling — this bug’s life on a sweater’s sleeve gave us more intellectual stimulation and life’s purpose than our jobs.

 That’s what bugs me…

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It’s Not Just Business

     

Do you remember when I reached out to a handful of local therapists last year — asking if they would have the time to give me some feedback on our “teen” book? 

Recently, I touched base with one of them and gave her an update on everything that was going on with us.  She was very excited about our progress and wanted to set up a meeting with us and her boss — to brainstorm on how their practice could help promote our books and give us feedback and test our stuff. 

I passed all of this news to Katherine.  It turned out that Katherine knew of this therapist through a mutual friend and was excited over the idea of collaborating with the group.

So, we set a time to meet with the therapist and her boss — thinking a brainstorming session of 4 would be beneficial.

Boy!  Were we surprised when we were ushered into their conference room and came face-to-face with about 10-12 people, sitting around a table, eating their lunch. 

Once they made room for us around the table and introduced themselves to us, they started interviewing us — with questions dealing from number of years we’ve been doing this, how much our type of work was worth, what our fee structure was for sessions and workshops, what education and certifications we had, what documentation and billing systems we had for workshops and presentations… and the questions went on and on…

Imagine how we felt when we’re expecting a 4-person interactive brainstorming session, and instead, we walk into a 12-person tag-team group interview!!

By the end of the interview, the group proposed that they promote a relationship workshop based on the book, for a maximum of 20 people (to be held in their conference room) — charging a fixed price per person and splitting the revenue.  They also wanted bios and pictures to post on their website, along with a date for the workshop.  They wanted to write up a contract for the workshop, with their fee breakdown for the use of their space and their promotional efforts.  After all, they are in the business to make money — as they reminded us. 

They were also very interested in working with Katherine regarding her solo business — which is separate from our joint writing ventures. 

As you can imagine, we left their office feeling a little dizzy and juggling mixed feelings.

The meeting was enlightening, to say the least.  It did make us think about things we hadn’t thought about before.  The business-like approach this therapist group took with us solidified our own desire to focus on the personal side of connecting with others — especially in the way we approach our work and how we partner with others.

For us, it’s not just business…

It’s all about… well, what it’s always been about… relationships.

I don’t understand why, but most people separate their business persona from their personal one.  They’ll conduct themselves differently at work than at home.  You hear it all the time:  “It’s not personal; it’s business,” — as if there’s a separation between the two… as if there are different rules to follow… as if we’re not relating with each other in both settings.

No… we shouldn’t separate the two.  All of us are in the business of relating — or at least we should be.  That’s the only way to do business. 

So, I’m not quite sure how the relationship with this therapist group will develop and grow.  Since presentations and workshops are Katherine’s domain, I’ll let her take the lead on this.  If she wants to pursue this avenue for our joint venture, I’m with her.  If she doesn’t want to do it, I’m with her.  If she just wants to deal with this group for her solo business, I’m with her.  If she wants do the relationship workshop to open an access to other network opportunities, I’m with her.  Whatever she wants to do, I’m with her.  

No.  For us, it’s not just business; it’s about relationships.

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Graphics Update

The other day, we met with the graphic artist at my house.  The meeting went well… I think. 

We’re all on the same page, again… I think. 

When it became clear that my words weren’t doing the job in explaining my vision for the cover, I attempted to sketch out what I was seeing in my mind’s eye.   

The penciled sketch was able to give a tangible image to the message we wanted, and Katherine shared this rough sketch with the graphic artist.  

To his credit, he didn’t laugh or scoff at it.   He actually said it was quite helpful, and what we wanted was “doable.”   

The graphic artist even asked if he could take a copy of the sketch with him. 

Without missing a beat, Katherine asked for a copy (signed and dated) for herself, so she could put it up at her home…

I’m now imagining my sketch tacked on her refrigerator — where, of course, all great artwork is displayed. 

It’ll sit amidst a number of colorful Picasso-like pictures her 7-year-old son has done for her — and with them sitting side-by-side, it’ll be hard to tell who drew which…

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Let’s Enjoy the Journey We’re On

I just woke up, and the first thing that struck me was a feeling of… happiness.

Usually, I wake up with my mind already racing with all the things I have to accomplish this day, this week, and this month.  I get to work and look at the calendar and lament about how quickly time flies and how much is still is left to do…

But today… Today’s different, somehow.

This morning, instead of racing through all the things I had to do, my mind filled itself with all that I’ve accomplished thus far.  My mind immediately jumped to our writing projects and how we’ve put our final touches to the book.  This weekend, we’re passing it along to the graphic designer for his layout and cover design. 

Katherine has read the last two scenes I’ve written and has dubbed the play complete.  Yea!!!  She’s planning to share it with her theatrical contacts and get some input as to how we proceed from here… Double Yea!!!

Another friend of mine — who has two very active boys — finally read her year-old posts on Facebook and is excited about giving me feedback on our children’s book, so I sent her a copy of the first of that series.

I did a quick inventory on our writing projects and we have about ten ongoing ventures in various stages — all of which have viable promotional potential and outlets.  

We’re in the process of filing for a fictitious trade name, moving toward creating a brand name and identifiable “home” for our various ventures.

So,  yeah... I know this is probably the last thing you expect coming from me (aka Ms. Impatience), but everything is falling into place and working out the way it should. 

Although, I’ve been wishing that all this would move along much faster than it has, these projects are taking the time needed to evolve into what they are meant to be.  I see that now.

Yeah… this morning was good for me.  It reminded me that I need to stop… appreciate what I have… and celebrate what I’ve accomplished, thus far.

I’m never going to stop for very long.  I’m always going to want to push to reach our goals, but every once in a while, it is important to take the time to appreciate where we are and how far we’ve come.  These little celebratory “pats on the backs” are important in this process, because they help motivate us to continue on our life-long journey.

I don’t think a lot of us do that anymore — stop… appreciate what we have… and celebrate what we’ve accomplished, thus far.  We’re so consumed with outlining our goals — and taking the appropriate steps to achieve them — that we forget to celebrate the milestones we reach along the way.

We’re so focused on getting to where we want to be that we forget to enjoy the journey along the way. 

So, this morning is a good reminder to enjoy the journey we’re on. 

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I Have to Be Careful What I Wish For…

I have to be careful what I wish for...


Katherine and I did finally meet to work on the book.

From that meeting, we’ve got three more sections to revise, another piece to add, and a 4-page checklist and timetable to follow if we want to finish up this project within the next month.

Katherine has also started sending out “feelers” for help with developing a website…

So, yeah… things are moving again…

And one of these days, I’m going to learn:  I have to be careful what I wish for…

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But Where’s My Piece of Cake?!

Yes, I enjoyed the women’s retreat.  I really did, but do you remember that little carrot — no, that piece of chocolate cake — that Katherine dangled in front of me to get me there?

We were supposed to have time together to work on our book.  We were supposed to finish the new section that Katherine wanted added.  This weekend was supposed to move us leaps and bounds ahead on this project.

Well, as you may have guessed, that didn’t quite happen. 

So, everything is postponed for a bit longer…

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You’ve Heard it All Before…

Here’s a quick update on our publishing pursuits:  I’m back to waiting… waiting… waiting.

 

Yes, there was a lot of activity over the push to get the book published in time for Katherine’s debut with her other partner’s plan for regular workshops and presentations. 

We even met with another friend of Katherine’s — a graphic designer and illustrator.  We intended to hire him to create our book cover for us, but after our meeting, he not only wanted to do the book cover, but he wanted to do the interior design as well. 

Part of me was excited, while the other part was… disappointed.  I’ve been working sooooo hard on the interior look of the book.  I had put so much of myself into the page layouts and such… and now none of that will matter.  All my hard work will be discarded…all for naught. 

It's not that I don't trust him with the project.  I absolutely DO trust him to make the book the best that it can be.

It's just that... now my writing project is in the hands of others.  The graphic designer is going to take over the look of the book, and I'm still waiting for Katherine to finish reading through the final draft…

So, there’s nothing more that I can do but wait… wait… wait...

I REALLY HATE WAITING!!!

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Darn it! I Can’t Focus!

I’m trying to go through Dare to Be Contagious! yet another time, to catch more typos and grammatical errors.  I’m trying to clarify things here and there, while inserting artistic nuances I know no one (but me) will see…

Like I said, I’m trying to do all this, but I’m not being very successful at it.

My mind is too distracted with the news Katherine brought me the other night.  

As I understand it, she has connected with a couple of new friends, who are wanting to start up regular workshops and presentations.  They are successful in their business.  They simply want to expand their reach and want Katherine to be a part of their ensemble.  They want to start locally but plan to go national within the year. 

They already have an audience base; they have the venue and  a meeting/presentation hall.  They have an ambitious seminar schedule with various professional groups.  They are familiar with the business-side of things.  They will handle all the tedious stuff Katherine doesn’t want to deal with… and they want her to join them!  They have the financial backing for all of this.  They just want HER!

She’s excited because they are offering her everything she wants to do and nothing she doesn’t want to do.  FABULOUS!!!

Oh… and did I mention that they asked her if she had some written material that they could push through these workshops… and that they were overjoyed to learn about our book that happens to fit right into their theme — the human connection and connecting with each other?

And did I mention that Katherine mentioned her co-author, and their reply was something like:  Bring her in.  The more the merrier!

Now, all we need to do is get the %#$@* book finished, printed, produced, and on hand for these workshops that will probably start in a couple of months.

So, yeah… I’m really excited — in both a good and bad way.  I have to get the book as perfect as we can and get it self-published and printed in a short period of time.

I’ve never self-published before, so all of this is new, and I don’t have the luxury of screwing things up and starting over.  I need to figure out the interior design, get help with the book cover design, deal with the uploading specifications, setting up the account, ordering and reviewing proofs… and the list goes on…

It feels like I’ve just jumped feet first into an ice-cold pool of water. 

Yes, Father Time has pulled a fast one on me.  All that whining about waiting… waiting…  waiting… has come back to bite me in the butt…

Waiting for someone else is no longer the issue…

The problem now is… I can’t focus on the job at hand and everything I need to get done, because I’m too excited about what the future holds for us…

And what a FABULOUS problem to have!!!

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Shifting Gears

Since it seems that we’re changing direction with the relationship book, Katherine and I have to really sit down and think things through and make some decisions. 

This means I can’t go any further on this project until Katherine and I can meet.

So, to keep myself busy, I’ve turned my attention back to the children’s book. 

I’m pretty sure that we’ll run into the same hurdles with the publishers of children’s books as we have with the adult-nonfiction publishers — which is that we don’t have a following, a built-in audience, or formal and time-tested sales platform that would guarantee book sales for the publisher.

We could self-publish the children’s book, but we’ll need help with the funding of it.  Because of the discussion aid that goes along with the story, we’re talking about a two-book package, with illustrations for each chapter.  All of that takes more money than we have.

With that in mind, I’m brainstorming as to how I can generate some support for the book.  I’ve started sending out requests for help to various groups… hoping that someone would step in for us. 

I’ve sent letters to homeschool publishers, organizations, and associations. 

I’ve reached out to the National Homeschool Association, various parent/teacher associations, the Florida Department of Education, and the Florida School Board Association.

I’ve targeted Target® as well.  Their community outreach programs focus on reading and educational programs for children.  That gave me the idea to write to the president of Target® to see if he had some leads or contacts that would help us get published. 

I’ve even written to Mrs. Laura Bush to see if she would help us out.

We’ll see if any of this bears fruit.  In the meantime, I’ll keep brainstorming…

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Can’t Judge a Book by Its Cover

We’ve had a couple of emails going back and forth from that “helpful literary agent.”  She’s very eager to introduce us to her contacts at the two non-traditional publishers she’s mentioned.

I’ve looked into both of the companies.  One is a hybrid publisher who requires us to buy 2,500 books from them, which would mean we would have to invest around $15,500 — a price tag that was way over our budget.

Once we hand over all that money, we would have to do all the marketing, promoting, distribution, and selling for this huge inventory.  For all of this, we would receive pennies in royalties for those books that are sold through their distribution channels.

The second option this “helpful literary agent” is promoting is a newly formed self-publishing arm of a huge traditional publisher (which dominates the self-help industry that we want to break into).  The literary agent tells us that the president of this huge publishing company personally reviews all the manuscripts that goes through the self-publishing division and the strongest titles are brought over and republished through the gigantic traditional publishing arm — which is a huge bonus for first-time authors like us.

This self-publishing arm also offers the same marketing opportunities that the traditional publishing company has created — another good bonus for authors who are not skilled in the art of marketing and distribution of books.

We thought this would be perfect for us.  Without this option, our materials would never be reviewed by anyone in one of the large traditional publishers — let alone the PRESIDENT of the company!!!  Our thought was that if we couldn’t get pass the bouncer at the front door, maybe we can slip in through this backdoor…

Yeah… This golden carrot that the literary agent is offering us is sooo bright that it’s blinding our senses.

We graciously accepted her kind offer of introduction — but accepted it in a vague and general manner.

This way we had time to decide what our next step should be.  Although an extremely important element, getting this book published is only one step in our master plan.

We really need to analyze this option to see if this new path is in line with our overarching goals.  We have very limited funds, and we don’t have the luxury of missteps.  We want to make sure that we are spending the money in the most effective way possible and in a manner that would propel us down the right path for us.

So, I’ve taken off my dreamer’s hat and have replaced it with an analytical one.  I’ve taken off my rose-colored glasses and replaced them with sunglasses that will protect me from the glitter of gold illuminating from this carrot that’s being dangled in front of us. 

And the more I look into the proposal, the more I’m convinced that this definitely IS a golden opportunity… for the publishing company, that is.

This self-publishing service is actually being outsourced to another self-publishing conglomerate, and the services are being marked up considerably through this “self-publishing arm” of the huge traditional publishing company. 

Also, the promise that the PRESIDENT reads every manuscript that comes through is an… exaggeration… to put it mildly.  The busy president of this huge successful publishing company doesn’t read the manuscripts that come through the front door of his main business, why would he waste his time to personally read every manuscript that comes through the backdoor of the self-publishing arm of the company — that is actually outsourced to another conglomerate? 

Why is our “helpful literary agent” pushing us in this direction?  Why is she advising us to spend money that we don’t have for a promise of a golden carrot that was made of fool’s gold?

This is a good reminder that everyone operates primarily out of self-interest.  At some point, another’s self-interest will get in the way of our self-interest.

This is why it’s always good to follow the basic rule… “If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

But I’m a person who always looks for a silver lining, and a good thing has come from all of this. 

It’s made Katherine and me seriously consider the self-publishing route… 

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Never Satisfied

I went bowling for the first time in more than two decades. I warned my friend that I was terrible, but she didn’t mind.  She bowls once a week in her boyfriend’s league, and she thought our outing would give her a fun way to practice.

I was true to my word.  I WAS terrible!  I bowled a “34” in the first game.  It’s amazing, I’m given 20 chances to hit the pins, and I only mange to knock down 34 pins in all that time.  As you can imagine, most of my rolls ended in the gutter.

It was fun, though; because we celebrated every time I actually managed to keep the ball on the lane and hit something. 

We paid for two games; so, with my chin held high, I tried again and again.  I was determined to beat “34” in this next game.  I was so bad the first time that I didn’t think I could get any worse.

It wasn’t until mid-game that I tried something unconventional… and managed to strike all the pins down in one throw. 

I tried it again and managed another strike… and then another… followed by spares and more strikes…

Both my friend and I were in disbelief, along with the people in the lane next to us.  They couldn’t believe it either!!!

I ended that game with “127.”  Unbelievable!!!

We both bowled our “personal best” in that second game, so thought we’d pick up a third game.

That was a mistake.  My fingers were getting tired, I was getting hungry, and my attention span was waning for this game — and all of this showed in the third game.  I was much better than the first game — hard not to be—but not as good as in the second.

But in the third game, if I got anything less than a strike or a spare, I was disappointed. 

The celebratory feel of the first game and the disbelief of the second game were missing in this last game.  In the first game, I was happy to hit ANYTHING.  In the second game, I was amazed at hitting so many. 

In the third game, I focused on what I missed and not what I had hit.  Instead of being happy with how much I improved from the first game, I ended the night disappointed.

Too many times, we do the same in life.  We focus on what we don’t have and not on all the things we do have.  

We'd enjoy our lives so much more if we would stop doing that.

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Held Hostage by the Garage

I packed the car and was ready to get on the road.  I pushed the button for the garage door to open and… nothing happened. 

I pushed it again… and still nothing.

I mumbled to myself that I didn’t have time for this.  I had to be at the church… NOW!

I got out of the car, pulled out the 4’ ladder to reach the manual release, so I can pull the garage door up, manually.  The door wouldn’t move.  It was locked in place.

I looked around, hoping that I was missing something.  I pulled the manual release again and again… only to get the same result over and over again… The door wouldn’t move.

It’s really irritating to be held hostage by a garage door — but this damsel in distress was determined to get out of the garage… hopefully, sooner than later.

It was early on a Sunday morning — not a good time to call friends for help — but I tried Katherine, since she had to be at the same place that I had to be.  Maybe, she could come by and pick me up, but she said that there wasn’t enough time for that…

So, I knocked on my neighbor’s door on an early Sunday morning, hoping he’ll come out to help. 

While I was waiting for him, I noticed — framed in the early morning sunrise — a handsome knight in shining armor on a silver steed, riding toward me.  Running by his side was his trusted sidekick.

Well… actually, it was a guy in shorts, riding a bicycle, with his son running beside him — but, still, they were a welcomed sight! 

While I was flagging that pair down, my neighbor came out in his mix-matched plaid pajamas and “bed hair.”   I really appreciated him coming out as soon as he could to help me.

I explained my situation to these three heroes and begged them to free me from my dungeon.

They were more than eager and capable of dealing with this villain of mine.

It was determined that the garage door’s spring had busted in half.  We were able to get the door up and hold it up long enough for me to get the car out of the garage, before it came slamming down again.

But I was freed!!  And I got to the church on time!!! 

This was amazing how this day turned around for me — all because of my neighbor and those two strangers who came to my aid.

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Fly-By Acts of Attention

I've had an intense couple of weeks at the office, which ended with a 3-hour meeting with my manager.  I would share with you what happened in that meeting, but I still need my job — and the fact that I still have one is a miracle in itself.

Even though the rest of the week was pretty quiet at the office — and I still have a job to go to — I thought it would be wise for me to take a 3-day weekend from the office, to let things settle down a bit between my manager and me.

This day off gave Katherine and me an opportunity to get together to discuss our next steps in our book publishing pursuits.  As you can imagine, the last couple of weeks at the office has added more motivation for me to get our book published — the sooner the better.

As we were heading out of the restaurant where we met, Katherine noticed a lone gentleman ahead of us at the cashier register.  She complimented him on his hair and asked what products he uses.  They chatted about hair products, as he finished paying his bill.  He left with the biggest grin on his face.

A simple conversation about the guy’s hair made his evening.

It’s that easy.  Really, it’s that easy!

I don’t think people realize how important their presence is to another human being.  We don’t realize how, even as strangers, we can reach out to others — through a smile, an understanding nod, an encouraging compliment — and share our light with them, even if it’s only for a brief moment.

But, ironically, the mere act of sharing yourself with others — in these short bursts of focused attention — actually recharges your own batteries.  These quick, positive interactions — these “fly-by acts of attention” — actually rejuvenate you, like a summer rain.

This requires us to change our focus from ourselves to others.  We need to intentionally switch from an internal, self-center focus to an outward, attentive focus.  By focusing outside of ourselves and placing our intent on another person, our light intuitively reaches the target of our focused attention.  We affect them in that brief moment, by just being there with them — for that brief moment.

It takes just a moment of our time, but that moment has the power to change people’s days, weeks — and quite possibly — their lives.  We’ll never know…

If only we knew the power we held within us…

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Giving It Another Try…and Another… and Another

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Well, since we’re revamping the relationship book again, Katherine wants to try reaching out to literary agents (again) to see if they can knock on the mega-publishers’ doors for us.

Early responses back from those inquiries are not helpful.  Many won't take new authors, only established authors recommended by other established authors.  Others only accept "full-length" books.

I asked the agent exactly what her definition of "full-length" books was...  since, in my mind, a book is as long as it needs to be to get your story told — no longer or shorter than that.   If it's shorter than that, then  it's not complete; if it's longer than that, then you're wasting your readers' valuable time with redundancy and unwanted rhetoric.

So, I’m back on the computer doing what I hate, Hate, HATE doing!!

And what’s my reward for doing it?  I’m positioned and posed for more and more “encouraging letters of hope” to fill my inbox.

Yeah, I hate, Hate, HATE this part!

But, I keep telling myself that at least this exercise — no matter what the outcome — will, ultimately, lead us in the right direction. 

[P.S. The literary agent did explain that there is a higher price break for books of 55,000 words or more, and she is only interested in pursuing higher page-count books.]

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What Can You Get For A Dollar?

I know this is hard to fathom, but something at work really excited me today!

It’s not hard to guess that this “something” had nothing to do with work…

This “something” was able to lift my spirits, put an extra skip in my step, and encouraged me to look to the future with optimism and hope — and I had simply stumbled upon it, without knowing.

I walked into the opened word processing area, as Julie was collecting dollars from her co-workers.  She looked at me and asked, “You want to put a dollar into the Powerball pool?”  

 

“Oh, OH!!!  Yeah!  I’ll be right back!”

I skipped to my office and pulled out a crisp new dollar bill, skipped back, and handed it over.

“Thank you for asking me to join you guys.  How much are we going to win?”
 

“$171 million, but, now, I guess I have to ask everyone else if they want to join, too.”  

As Julie went off asking the rest of the department if they wanted to participate, I started calculating how much I would get, once taxes were taken out and the pot was split.

What seemed like minutes later, the tickets were purchased and copies were handed out.  After that, there was nothing left to do but dream about what we were going to do with the money — and we had three days to dream! 

Another co-worker commented that she had to put in the dollar, because how stupid would she feel if we won and she wasn’t part of the pool?  After all, someone has to win…

Just as she said this, a very adamant voice from around the corner yells out, “No!  That’s not true.  No one has to win!”

“I guess you didn’t enter the pool.”

“No, I didn’t.  Why waste the dollar?!”

I just sat back, thinking that the dollar wasn’t wasted.  Even if we didn’t win, this single dollar gave me something fun to think about; it gave my co-workers and me something in common… something to smile about…and something to dream about.  It made the day go faster at work.

No… the dollar wasn’t wasted. 

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I Wish I Took the Risk

I was walking back from the bank to my office.  It was a hot, sunny day; and I was crossing an open field next to a hotel that allowed dog owners to bring their dogs.

While I was crossing the field, I heard a woman’s voice yelling for Bella. 

I turned around and saw a cute little black dog running around — and away from her owner — just happy to be free.  Trailing behind her was her leash along with her tired and irritated owner. 

I stood there, quietly, waiting for the dog to notice me.  I patted my leg for her to come visit me.  She ran as fast as she could, and we greeted each other.  As I petted her, I picked up her leash, untangled her legs from it, and waited for Bella’s owner to retrieve her.

The woman came over slowly — still irritated.  I smiled and handed over the leash.  The woman didn’t return the smile, nor did she get close enough or extend her arm out far enough to grab the leash.

I had to lean up and over Bella to reach the owner's hand, who wasn't helping matter.  I was definitely feeling her need for more space between us.  

At some point, she appeared to have the leash, but just to make sure I asked.

“Are you OK? You have it?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure you’re OK?”

“Yeah.”

And with that, she turned around to take Bella back to the hotel.

There was no “Thank you” or any other niceties from her to allow me into her world. 

I think back to that encounter and wonder... if I had tried harder to break down her barrier, what would I have found there?  I have no idea what her struggles are, but could sharing her frustrations for a moment ease her day?  Would simply knowing that someone noticed — and wanted to help — have made her feel better?

There’s a fine line between reaching out to people and intruding into their private space — and with strangers, you have no idea where that line falls.   Some people are just not comfortable letting others in… let alone, letting strangers in.

I think back and remember how her behavior told me that she wasn’t comfortable with the help I had already given.  Reaching even deeper into her space would have pushed her farther away.

But part of me still wishes that I had taken the risk.  What if I was wrong, and I could have made her feel better — even if for that one moment?

Yeah.  Next time, I'll take the risk.

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I Failed Miserably Today

I can't believe that I fell for it!

One of those emailed newsletters came to my box, today.  The subject line read:  Are Your Co-Workers Driving You Crazy?

Of course, I had to open the email, because my co-workers are driving me crazy.  I wanted to see if this newsletter had any useful hints to keep me sane in the midst of all this insanity.

And, of course, the newsletter had no helpful hints.  In fact, it had nothing to do with co-workers driving you crazy.  Instead, it was advertizing some accounting website promoting online seminars having to do with taxes — which is something else that would drive me insane.

So, I guess I should count myself among the lucky that I only have to deal with co-workers driving me crazy. 

Case in point:

I had an… encounter… with a co-worker this afternoon that I wished had gone better.  

It was my own fault.  I had forgotten the natural law that I cannot change another person;  I can only change myself. 

This co-worker, "Jack," is relatively new to our division, although not new to the company. 

In his previous position, he had worked on one project — actually, the same project…year after year after year.  As you can imagine, after he reworked that project to his heart’s content and made it “his own,” all the challenge was squeezed out of it.  He became bored and wanted to transfer out of that division and into ours.

That was a year ago.  Over that time, I’ve come to know him as a very conscientious and detailed-oriented employee. Coming from a military background, he is very regimental and unyielding in his opinions — and he is a perfectionist… a very regimental and unyielding perfectionist.

Now, unlike Jack’s previous division, our division — which is now his division — deals with more than 400 different projects and we’re adding more every period.  We don’t have the luxury of unlimited time and resources to work and rework each project to perfection.  We need to do the best we can to spread our limited time and resources over the 400 projects and release them within the deadlines assigned.  By focusing on what’s important — and eliminating what’s unimportant — we can produce high quality products, effectively and efficiently.

Jack is having a difficult time grasping this cost-benefit concept, which is ironic, since he is a CPA (i.e., an accountant). 

He’s not embracing the necessity for “balance” between quality and time/resource constraints.   When he is given a project, he feels it necessary to make it his own.  In doing so, he revamps every page, every line, and every period and semicolon — ignoring whatever was done before him.  Every minute detail — important and unimportant — is dissected.  He works and reworks the project to his heart’s content, taking more and more time and resources for his one project… leaving the rest of us juggling the other 399+ projects.

So, today, since our supervisor was out of the office, Jack came to me, asking for guidance and my opinion on the one new project he was assigned. 

The project he was given was one that just needed a quick review to be released.  It didn’t need anything more than that.  Our supervisor had explained all of this to him, but he didn’t agree with her assessment (even though she’s been doing this for more than 15 years).  He wanted to revamp the whole project… rework every page, every line, and every period and semicolon… to make it his own. 

He asked my opinion… and I gave it to him.  I had hoped that possibly… maybe… perhaps… hopefully… I could help Jack embrace the idea of increasing his productivity by embracing the idea of focusing on the important things instead of wasting valuable time and resources on striving for perfection on unimportant things.

There’s actually a principle at work here.  It’s called the 80/20 Rule, also known as the Pareto Principle or the Law of the Vital Few.

If Jack would relax his regimental and unyielding perfectionism, he can actually produce five high quality projects in the same amount of time he’s spending to revamp one project.

I tried explaining this to Jack, but I failed miserably. 

Although he admits that no matter how much time he spends on a project, he never feels that it’s “perfect.”  Even knowing this, he refuses to give up on that unattainable goal — no matter what it costs. 

Sadly, he doesn’t see the total cost of his behavior.  He doesn’t see how his individual actions affect the rest of the team… how the rest of us have to pick up the slack for his...well, his ego.

Yep... I tried my best today and failed miserably.

And I failed because I expected my co-worker to change...

Yet another reminder that:  We constantly overestimate our abilities to change others, just as much as we underestimate our abilities to change ourselves.

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I Messed Up!

I was jolted out of bed this morning, realizing that I royally messed up!

I had prepared those @#$@#$ book proposals the other night and just screwed things up.

Maybe it’s because I hate, Hate, HATE doing this part of the process…

Maybe it’s because I am so tired and burned out with this…

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to receive any more “encouraging letters of hope”…

WHATEVER the reason, in the early morning hours — long before the sun woke up — it struck me that I had addressed the SASE (self-addressed stamped envelopes) backwards.  If used the way I addressed them, the encouraging letters of hope would simply end up back on the publishers’ doorsteps.

I feel like such an idiot!!!

If only I could right my wrong, myself… then no one would know my stupidity, but I can’t.

I had already handed over the packages to Katherine to be mailed.  I’ll have to call her — at some more reasonable hour (but before she starts her errands and mails these packages) — to confess my stupidity and have her right my wrong for me.

I hate, Hate, HATE this part of the process.  Have I told you that before?

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I Want to Scream!

This afternoon, Katherine and I finished finalizing the query letter and book proposal for the rewrite of the relationship book along with selecting the sample chapters to send to the publishers.

This process is so hard — trying to convince publishers to take a chance on first-time authors.

Yes, we knew from the start that we had huge hurdles to jump.  In these hard economic times, publishers are not picking up new authors because they want assurance that their efforts will produce profits for them.  As first-time authors, we have no wide media access, no history, no literary following, no marketable credentials, and no funds.  We are no-bodies to the world of publishing.

If only we can convince a publisher to take a chance on us… but how can we accomplish that?

So, as we start sending out query letters out again, I’m back, asking the same questions I did months and months and months ago…

How do you persuade another person to listen to you
When that person isn’t interested in what you have to say?

How do you give yourself to another person
When that person isn’t aware of what you have to give?

How do you show another person your passion
When that person doesn’t see you standing there?

How do you open another person’s mind
When that person’s mind is locked from the inside?

How do you touch another person’s heart
When that heart is full of material things?

How do you convince another person of your value
When that person values money over relationships?

How do you reach people like these
When you can’t even get their attention?

How?

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