Your Mission in Life

Mom has moved to the rehab facility to get her on her feet again.
 

She is not happy at rehab.  They are making her get up and do therapy that she doesn’t like doing.  They are making her follow a routine that is not her own.  They want her to get out of her darkened room and socialize with other patients. 

The facility is providing nutritional meals.  Friendly CNAs are coming by to check on her.  Whenever she rings for help, they come.

Extended family members are constantly calling and coming by to keep her spirits up.

In response to all of this, she keeps saying she wants to simply go to sleep and not wake up.

As I said before, we know how this story will end, but we’re not near the end…

There’s something more that Mom has to accomplish.  Exactly what that “thing” is, I’m not sure… but I know every life has a purpose… and has a mission to fulfill. 

Once our mission is completed, then we will move on from this life to the next.  To give up on a life before it has fulfilled its mission will affect and alter others left in this life.

That’s because everything on this planet is connected in some way.  Every action — every “thing” — has significance to someone.  Even if we don’t see the connection or significance, it doesn’t mean that the connection doesn’t exist.

What’s does Mom have left to do?  I have no idea.  I don’t know if this time is given to her to accomplish something for herself or for another.   For instance, her presence and interactions with others during this time may help them fulfill their own personal missions. 

I don’t know… and I don’t need to know for any of this to happen as it should.

I just believe that every life, every action, every word affects another; therefore, your whole life — from beginning to end — has purpose.  

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Why Does Every Encounter Have to End As a Power Struggle?

Warning!!  Venting Zone Ahead!

Thank goodness I have Friday off.  It’s the beginning of the week, and I’m already fed up with the office for the week! 

My main frustration regarding the “professional" (?) work environment — in which I spend 50 hours a week — is the fact that those working there don’t respect each other.  They don’t have the attitude of working together… of collaboration… of supporting cooperation… of sustaining healthy relationships with one another.

Why does every encounter have to turn into a power struggle around here?  

Why can’t a person have a pleasant conversation with someone in the kitchen, without being reprimanded for it? 

Why are employees so focused on covering their butts, instead of focused on working together to come up with solutions?

Yeah… I’m frustrated…

All of this goes against my core value system.  I don’t like being a part of a company that has avoiding responsibility, bullying, and blaming others running freely through its vein-like corridors.  

People go around assuming the worst of others, jumping to negative conclusions, and accusing others instead of accepting the consequences of their own actions.  

This behavior is practiced and encouraged by the Head of the division; therefore, it’s understandable why this type of behavior permeates throughout the workplace. 

When I complain, they simply shrug.  If you don’t like the office politics, you’re welcome to leave.  You’re expendable… replaceable… disposable…

The saddest part is that if/when I do leave, I’ll find that the next place will be the same or even worse…

Yeah… Friday’s not coming soon enough for me…

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Relating Over the Internet

I found myself in an awkward situation the other day.  I met a young man over the Internet, and we were conversing through email for 2 days. 

On the first day, he asked if I wanted a picture of his penis.  

Ummm... No, thank you. 

So, on the second day, he attached four pictures of his penis and asked what I thought.

Among other things, I thought that he placed himself in a very vulnerable position… in more ways than one… 

Ignoring the fact that he wasn’t respecting my wishes and wasn’t taking my feelings into consideration, he just sent a stranger compromising pictures of himself that could easily be used against him.  He has no idea what I would do with them.  Such private photos can have negative future effects for him in the hands of an unscrupulous or vindictive person. 

I also thought this young man was being rude, immature, insensitive, and thoughtless.  He opened both of us up to an embarrassing and hurtful situation.  No matter how I respond to this, feelings will be hurt. 

Since I had no idea how to respond to these unsolicited photos, I simply ignored them.  I hoped that this snapshot in time would soon evaporate into a distant memory and quietly dissolve into some invisible Internet cloud to float far, far away from me.

But that Internet cloud came back as a thunderstorm.

This “gentleman” told me how hurt he was.  He trusted me enough to send very private pictures of himself, and I ignored such a gift. 

I told him that I understood his feelings, and I apologized for not responding in the manner that he wanted.  Hurting his feelings was not my intent.  I felt like I was put in a lose/lose situation.  I just knew that whatever I would’ve said would’ve been wrong.  I just didn't know what he wanted from me.

His response to that was that I have low self-esteem and that I need therapy — professional help.  I'm obviously compensating for something missing in my life and am hiding that fact from myself — so that I don't have to deal with it.  He went on to tell me that he’s been with a couple of women and they never complained…

And that’s pretty much the direction the rest of his response took…

I realize this person is only 26 and has a lot to learn, but I am concerned for him, because I fear that he will be hurt more and more if he follows his current path.  There are consequences to one’s actions.  No matter how much you want to fault others — sooner or later — the consequences of your actions will catch up to you. 

Trust is built over a longer period of time than 2 days.  Using the word “trust” in describing a person you’ve only known from 3 or 4 emails will bring betrayal and hurt with it — and indiscriminately sending compromising pictures to strangers will damage your reputation and credibility.

This person may act differently with those he meets face to face, but I would think that the same consideration, precautions, and respect should be given to anyone you meet — no matter where you meet them. 

Am I wrong?

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Secure and at Peace

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this secure and at peace. 

I know this feeling won’t last for very long.  Things will churn up again; fires will need to be put out; something or someone will make me question my choices and intentions… 

I know this, but for today, I’m feeling secure and at peace.

What makes today different?

Well, yesterday, my new neighbor made it a point to let me know that I could call him and his wife whenever I needed help.  As a single woman, this assurance is worth more than a pot of gold.

The day before that, I met a very nice couple, who was starting their lawn maintenance business.  Even though our relationship is based on business, it's still comforting to know that I can call them for help with the house.

The day before that, I let a stranger disorient me a bit — and not in a good way.  He contacted me through one of those online dating sites.  His profile stated that he was a Christian counselor, and he reached out to me because he felt that he and I had a lot in common. I wrote him back and answered his questions.

In his second email, he confessed and apologized for his initial thoughts about me.  At first, he didn’t believe I was who I said I was.  He thought I wasn’t a real person, but someone who created an open and positive profile for the sole purpose of baiting and using people.  After I responded to his inquiry, he realized his mistake and apologized for his initial thoughts.

What is it in my openness that this counselor finds intimidating — intimidating to the point that he felt compelled to attack my genuineness?  I also wonder how many other “professional counselors” would question my sincerity and motives.

Do you know how painful it is to open yourself up to others and have them tell you they don’t believe you?

So... yeah... that day didn’t start out so good for me.

But, later that afternoon, I shared the Christian counselor’s confession and my self-doubts with Katherine.  She made an interesting observation.  She wondered how effective he was as a counselor, if he uses the same techniques on his patients.  How open and comfortable will people be with him?

As for my doubts about what we’re doing, Katherine has no doubts.  This experience just reveals that we have something to share with others that professional counselors may not be able to envision…

So, yeah… it’s because of these wonderful and supportive people surrounding me, that I feel so secure and at peace, today.

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Abandonment of Wonderment

Have you ever walked into a room and been immediately drawn to a person?  I’m not just talking about being physically attracted to another person, but attracted to the person’s energy, ease of laughter, attentiveness, genuineness, caring, intelligence, etc.

I was drawn to such a person the other day.  His energy, enthusiasm, passion, openness, genuineness — all of him — filled me up. 

Although I didn’t have a chance to talk with him because he was working, he affected me, intimately, in the way he approached his “duties.”  

I’ve watched and listened to hundreds of men before him — all going through the same routines and rituals that he was performing — but those others didn’t have the same intensity as this fellow did.

He approached each activity with such focused attention… such conviction… such wonderment and awe. 

He reminded me of the innocence that tickles children’s cheeks as they wake up on Christmas morning — and the abandonment in which they rush to the Christmas tree, gasp at all the gifts, and realize — with no doubt in their hearts or minds — that they are loved, they are special, and they are never alone.  Santa does exist. 

That was the vision that this man conjured up.  It was breathtaking and over all too soon.  I wished I could have stayed with him longer and drink in his energy… but alas, I couldn’t.

Besides, he’s forbidden fruit. He’s a newly ordained priest — ordained a handful of years ago — who is currently stationed at a local church I visited the other day. 

Still, this constraint doesn’t prevent me from admiring his essence and the way he approaches life.   It’s a good reminder, too.

Most of the time, we’re weighed down by the stark reality of our day-to-day routines and obligations — so much so that we begin to feel like an old tube of toothpaste.  Our energy is squeezed out of us — used, abused, spit out, and splattered all over the bathroom sink…

It’s during these times that we need to brush off the caked-on paste, put ourselves to bed, and wake up like a child on Christmas morning… filled with limitless energy, wonderment, and awe over the enchanted life we hold within us…

And if we’ve forgotten how, there are people around us who will show us…

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Merry Christmas!

May the innocence that tickles children’s cheeks as they wake up on Christmas morning add to the wonderment of the season.   

Share in the abandonment in which they rush to the tree, gasp at all the gifts, and realize — with no doubt in their hearts or minds — that they are loved, they are special, and they are never alone. 

There’s No Place Like Home

I’m not sure what’s going on but I find myself surrounded by a number of friends and acquaintances who are transitioning from one phase of their lives to another.  These shifts involve moving physically from one place to another. 

Several young people I know are trying to escape from their parents’ homes.  One was eager to move in with her boyfriend… only to find that the boyfriend was living in his grandmother’s basement.  Another moved in with three roommates… only to find that the roommates were not able to pay their portion of the rent, and they were evicted. 

One friend is returning to the Bay Area, to be with her daughter and grandchildren.  For the past couple of years, she’s been traveling back and forth between where she lives and where her daughter and grandchildren live.  The drive is becoming too much for her, so she’s decided to move back here and, hopefully, find a job near her daughter.

Another acquaintance has relocated to another state, due to her husband’s job.  They can’t afford to buy a “real home,” until they are able to unload their other house.  Because of this, they can’t move on with their family plans. They are living in their personal Purgatory — living in a small apartment in a dangerous neighborhood — waiting to resume their lives again.  As it is now, they feel that they have no home, even though they are surrounded by their personal possessions.

Another friend of mine has been separated from her husband for a number of years.  They continue to support a household and raise their boys together.  Although her possessions are in the house with the boys and their father, she doesn’t consider that place to be her home.  Her heart has found a home with a different partner, and it’s his place that she calls home, even though she doesn’t own anything there.

I have another friend who is constantly redecorating her house… never happy with how it looks or feels. There’s always some massive project going on, and the house is in constant turmoil and upheaval.

These examples reinforce my belief that the building in which you reside does not define your “home.” Home is more than your residence.  Home is where your heart lives… where you're loved… where you go for peace and security.  It’s not a physical place but an emotional and mental place of refuge and strength.

Some find their home — their stabilizing force — to be within a healthy primary relationship with another.  Others find their life source within their inner “self” — anchored by their core principles and supported by spiritual beliefs. 

Whoever or whatever supplies you with that positive source of well-being and security, keep it close to you… respect it… and protect it, because…

There’s no place like home.

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