It’s Not Just Business

     

Do you remember when I reached out to a handful of local therapists last year — asking if they would have the time to give me some feedback on our “teen” book? 

Recently, I touched base with one of them and gave her an update on everything that was going on with us.  She was very excited about our progress and wanted to set up a meeting with us and her boss — to brainstorm on how their practice could help promote our books and give us feedback and test our stuff. 

I passed all of this news to Katherine.  It turned out that Katherine knew of this therapist through a mutual friend and was excited over the idea of collaborating with the group.

So, we set a time to meet with the therapist and her boss — thinking a brainstorming session of 4 would be beneficial.

Boy!  Were we surprised when we were ushered into their conference room and came face-to-face with about 10-12 people, sitting around a table, eating their lunch. 

Once they made room for us around the table and introduced themselves to us, they started interviewing us — with questions dealing from number of years we’ve been doing this, how much our type of work was worth, what our fee structure was for sessions and workshops, what education and certifications we had, what documentation and billing systems we had for workshops and presentations… and the questions went on and on…

Imagine how we felt when we’re expecting a 4-person interactive brainstorming session, and instead, we walk into a 12-person tag-team group interview!!

By the end of the interview, the group proposed that they promote a relationship workshop based on the book, for a maximum of 20 people (to be held in their conference room) — charging a fixed price per person and splitting the revenue.  They also wanted bios and pictures to post on their website, along with a date for the workshop.  They wanted to write up a contract for the workshop, with their fee breakdown for the use of their space and their promotional efforts.  After all, they are in the business to make money — as they reminded us. 

They were also very interested in working with Katherine regarding her solo business — which is separate from our joint writing ventures. 

As you can imagine, we left their office feeling a little dizzy and juggling mixed feelings.

The meeting was enlightening, to say the least.  It did make us think about things we hadn’t thought about before.  The business-like approach this therapist group took with us solidified our own desire to focus on the personal side of connecting with others — especially in the way we approach our work and how we partner with others.

For us, it’s not just business…

It’s all about… well, what it’s always been about… relationships.

I don’t understand why, but most people separate their business persona from their personal one.  They’ll conduct themselves differently at work than at home.  You hear it all the time:  “It’s not personal; it’s business,” — as if there’s a separation between the two… as if there are different rules to follow… as if we’re not relating with each other in both settings.

No… we shouldn’t separate the two.  All of us are in the business of relating — or at least we should be.  That’s the only way to do business. 

So, I’m not quite sure how the relationship with this therapist group will develop and grow.  Since presentations and workshops are Katherine’s domain, I’ll let her take the lead on this.  If she wants to pursue this avenue for our joint venture, I’m with her.  If she doesn’t want to do it, I’m with her.  If she just wants to deal with this group for her solo business, I’m with her.  If she wants do the relationship workshop to open an access to other network opportunities, I’m with her.  Whatever she wants to do, I’m with her.  

No.  For us, it’s not just business; it’s about relationships.

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What Could Have Been

I woke up this morning from an uncomfortable dream—and its memory has been haunting me all day. 

It dealt with an unhealthy relationship that I broke off years ago. 

In the dream, I was still attached to that person.  The breakup never happened. 

In the dream, I was still being belittled in front of others by this person—trying to make me feel less than worthy.

In the dream, the person still pushed me around and expected me to jump when I was told to jump.

*****

I woke up disheveled and breathless — wondering why such feelings and scenes flooded my dreams and saturated my thoughts… and why now?

Maybe they were there to remind me of what could have been.

Maybe they were there to reassure me that I made the right decision — even if it was a hard decision to make… and even harder to follow through, once made.

Maybe they were there to reinforce the fact that I’m better on my own than with someone like that.

Maybe they were there to celebrate the person I’ve become...

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Row Your Own Boat…

Years and years ago, I ran across a PBS special with Dr. Wayne Dyer, an internationally best-selling author of more than 30 motivational books.  Something he said struck home with me, and it’s become my mantra of sorts.

He gave an interesting interpretation of the common poem, Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Now, whenever I’m stressing out, upset about someone telling me what I should be doing or what I’m doing wrong — or frustrated because others aren’t doing what I think they should be doing — I chant that poem to myself:

Row, row, row your boat — [Control your own actions instead of trying to control others]

Gently down the stream — [Take things as they come and don’t fret about what lies ahead]

Merrily, merrily, merrily — [Be happy with what you have]

Life is but a dream — [Life is too short; enjoy it while it lasts]

These lines have helped me through many frustrating encounters with family and friends alike.  I know they all mean well, and they want the best for me.  The problem lies in the fact that they really don’t know what’s best for me.  They only know what they would want, if they were in my situation. 

Repeating the poem to myself helps me acknowledge the simple fact that the only person I can control is myself and no one else.

And over the years, I’ve learned that that’s the toughest concept for most of us to accept and practice — to row our own boats.

For example, it’s so easy for us to see what’s going wrong in others' boats.  We’ll even yell across the stream, just to point out what’s wrong with the way others are rowing their boats — i.e., living their lives. 

In the meantime, we’re overlooking what’s happening in our own boats (i.e., lives).   There’s water splashing in as we fight the currents and waves from other boats; we lose track of our oars (e.g., obligations, promises, and commitments to others), because we’re not paying attention to what we’re doing; we’ve forgotten to bring along our life jackets (e.g., family and friends who support us emotionally), because we were too much in a hurry to chase after some stranger downstream.

So, yeah… we’re a bit of a mess… but that doesn’t stop us from telling others what they’re doing wrong…

I should know better!  Really, I should!

There are so many people in my life already telling me what to do, how I should do it, what I’ve been doing wrong, and what I will be doing wrong in the future… and I really don’t like it — not at all. 

So, why do I think it’s acceptable for me to do it to others?

If I want the freedom to row my own boat, gently down the stream, merrily — without confrontation, criticism, or obstruction — I should accept and defend others’ rights to do the same with their own lives.

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream 

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