I’m Numb

I’m numb. 

For the past couple of years, I’ve been trying to contact a friend of mine.  We were really close years and years ago, but she moved out of state, and we've lost touch.

Over the years, I’ve called her; but after another move, the phone number I had for her no longer worked. 

Emailing her wasn’t an option, since she wasn’t comfortable with the computer and didn’t have an email address. 

The letters and cards I sent in the later years started to come back with no forwarding address. 

Knowing my friend’s hectic, constantly moving, and crazy life, I just assumed that she was happily busy with her family — and I, mentally, wished her well.

She’s such a beautiful person that I couldn’t wish her anything less.  She’s another exceptional person I’ve had the privilege to know.  Her loving spirit shines through every piece of her and brightens everyone and everything around her.  She is totally devoted to her family and “her family” includes everyone she meets.  Her presence makes such a difference to those she touches. 

So, I can understand how we fell out of touch, and I am so grateful that our paths crossed for as long as it did.

Two years ago, some internal need made me resurrect my search for her again.  I knew my friend wasn’t comfortable on the computer, but I thought, maybe, time had changed that and searching on Facebook was worth a shot.  It would be one way that she can keep in contact with her family — and I thought, maybe, her daughters would have set up an account for her. 

So, I took a shot.  Unfortunately, my friend’s name is pretty common, and I had to develop a hit-and-miss strategy to my Facebook search.  I thought I had found her and sent her a friend’s request… but got no response.

That didn’t stop me, though.  Each time her birthday rolled around, I would reach out again and again… with no response.

This year, when her birthday came around, I reached out again…

Then it struck me.  Her youngest daughter would be in her twenties now — and part of this Facebook generation.  If I can find her, I can ask her to wish her mom a happy birthday for me.  And that’s what I did.

Yesterday, the daughter messaged me back. 

Her mom — my friend — was killed in a car accident, by a drunk driver… two years ago.

I'm numb.

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Merry Christmas!

May the innocence that tickles children’s cheeks as they wake up on Christmas morning add to the wonderment of the season.   

Share in the abandonment in which they rush to the tree, gasp at all the gifts, and realize — with no doubt in their hearts or minds — that they are loved, they are special, and they are never alone. 

Time to Get Off the Merry-Go-Round

We received a very interesting “encouraging letter of hope” from a very kind and helpful literary agent.

She eloquently expressed her concern about our lack of a “well-developed platform” to support the marketing and promotional aspects of our project. 

She told us that:

“Publishers increasingly expect authors to have well-developed platforms prior to seeking publication so that they have a built-in audience when the book comes out.  If a publisher doesn’t believe that the author can personally sell many thousands of copies on their own (the big NY publishers expect to sell in the 20,000 to 50,000 copies at a minimum based on the author’s sole efforts), they are averse to taking a project on.”

Without an established audience, publishers — and, thus, literary agents — will not take on new authors.

If this was a rejection letter, it would have stopped there; but our encouraging letter of hope continued.

Although this literary agent could not take us on as a client, she advised us to look into other publishing models that have developed over the years. 

She has gone so far as to name a couple of non-traditional publishers and has offered to personally introduce us to her contacts in these companies. 

We really appreciate her offer because a personal reference really helps in this business.

So, we’re getting off of the merry-go-round we’ve been on for the last year and moving on to a different ride. 

Hopefully, this new ride will take us somewhere exciting, and not just round and round in a circle.

Hope’s Working Overtime

It’s hard not to daydream about this, but I can't help it.  It's constantly on my mind.

I’m trying my best not to get excited, because it hurts when I'm forced to wake up from the dream, but...

Another publisher found our proposal and sample passages intriguing, and would be interested in reviewing the full manuscript.

I can’t get over the word she used... “intriguing.”  

As silly as it sounds, that one word holds so much promise for me. 

Yes, Hope’s working overtime.

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Why Won’t Hope Just Leave Me Alone?

As I fall asleep each night, I’ve been listening to “positive-thinking hypnosis tapes” — to keep my spirits up.  

I’ve been preparing myself to weather more silence and rejection from this new wave of publisher queries.

Yep, I’ve been mentally preparing myself… by asking Hope to leave me alone for a while.  If I don’t expect publishers to respond back to me, then I won’t be disappointed when they don’t.

It’s ironic, isn’t it?  Night after night, I fall asleep to faceless strangers whispering to me that I make a difference and that I matter — while, during the day, I’m dealing with faceless publishers showing me that I’m invisible and have nothing to offer them — all because I want to publish books that encourage people to share themselves with others and make a difference to those around them… 

Yep… I’m just going through the motions right now, not getting my hopes up…

I thought I had it all under control… until one of the publishers had the audacity to write us a hand-written encouraging letter of hope, telling us how much she enjoyed our book and how we filled the pages with love and experience.  She wished her company could help us but the genre doesn’t fit their listing, at this time — but she hoped that we find a really good home for our book.

A publisher who is recognized as the leading publisher on autism and Asperger syndrome contacted us to let us know that she received our proposal and that she will read it, discuss it with her partners, and let us know if our children's book is right for them.  They will get back with me in about six weeks. 

In both cases, there were no promises of publication made, and yet…

These two contacts—as short and unpromising as they were — lit the flame of hope and optimism in me again.  (damn it...)

Why won’t Hope just leave me alone?

It's because Hope has made a permanent home in my heart.

Hope will never leave me.

Damn it!

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Giving It Another Try…and Another… and Another

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Well, since we’re revamping the relationship book again, Katherine wants to try reaching out to literary agents (again) to see if they can knock on the mega-publishers’ doors for us.

Early responses back from those inquiries are not helpful.  Many won't take new authors, only established authors recommended by other established authors.  Others only accept "full-length" books.

I asked the agent exactly what her definition of "full-length" books was...  since, in my mind, a book is as long as it needs to be to get your story told — no longer or shorter than that.   If it's shorter than that, then  it's not complete; if it's longer than that, then you're wasting your readers' valuable time with redundancy and unwanted rhetoric.

So, I’m back on the computer doing what I hate, Hate, HATE doing!!

And what’s my reward for doing it?  I’m positioned and posed for more and more “encouraging letters of hope” to fill my inbox.

Yeah, I hate, Hate, HATE this part!

But, I keep telling myself that at least this exercise — no matter what the outcome — will, ultimately, lead us in the right direction. 

[P.S. The literary agent did explain that there is a higher price break for books of 55,000 words or more, and she is only interested in pursuing higher page-count books.]

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Kick Start Your Life TODAY with Marlo Thomas

Go ahead and call me crazy; call me silly; call me a dreamer; call me whatever you like…

The Today Show is starting a new series.  It’s called Kick Start Your Life TODAY with Marlo Thomas.  They are looking for stories of people who are looking to get themselves out of ruts. If they select our story, experts may be able to help or suggest ways we can move forward on our projects.

What I really hope would happen is that they get excited about what we’ve done, ask to see the book, love the book, help us get it published, and promote the book on their show, having us as guests on their show… asking us back frequently…

Yeah… Go ahead and call me crazy; call me silly; call me a dreamer; call me whatever you like…

Marlo, just call me!

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Do Not Pass GO; Do Not Collect $200

Well, we’re working on (what I think is) the seventh revision of the friendship book.  We’re trying to get it onto a “self-help/how to” publisher’s shelf.

The acquisitions editor (for the publisher who is currently looking at our material) likes what we have, but doesn’t quite understand why she likes it.  The book hooked her the second she started reading it.  She likes the tone, the voice, the messages, the concept, and the feel to it... but after saying all that, she adds that she’s not sure she can sell the book to her publisher — because it doesn’t follow their cookie-cutter, self-help formula and format.

So, I’m challenged by someone telling me, “I love the book, now change it.” 

“We’re looking for something that has something new and unique to say and has the ability to grab its readers, but it needs to fit our standard vanilla, one-size-fits-all marketing box.”

Yes, statements like these make my head hurt and my eyes roll upward.

She explains that her boss, the publisher, doesn’t understand the structure because it doesn’t have the usual “self-help/how to” feel to it.  Once I explain the reason the book is set up the way it is, she understands and likes the concept.

Her other comments — about her publisher — led me to believe that “her publisher” is focusing on the form and structure of things, and not the essence and substance of the material of the book. 

It became clear to me that, although our test readers love the book the way it is, “publishers” are only focused on how a book can fit their “tried-and-true” marketing and promoting methods to make money.

So, to be picked up by publishers, we have to change a book that people love, into a book that publishers can sell. 

I am struggling with this process, on several different levels.

On the Positive Side:

The book is definitely evolving into something more usable for workshops and presentations.  It’s definitely more marketable to “self-help/how to” publishers; and it’s more structured and easier to follow for readers.

Through the reflections, discussion points, and learning exercises, we're able to explain key concepts and the natural flow of relationship; thus, the book’s concepts and flow.  We’ve turned into tour guides for the readers, guiding them down a particular path, pointing out the nuances and important spots along the journey through the book.

Through these “self-discovery” sections, the book broadens its focus to encompass all types of relationships — not just friendship — so it should have a broader reach in the marketplace… we hope.

With this change in the book’s format and focus, I’ve changed the title.  With a new title, focus, and structure, the book can be pitched all over again — to publishers who've already sent “encouraging letters of hope” the first time around.

On the Negative Side:

I can’t help it.  I liked the smaller, more intimate version.  It was much more creative, artsy, unique, and personal.

The readers were free to infuse themselves into its pages, without someone whispering in their ear where to go, what to feel, or what to think.

The book allowed the readers to be themselves, without any interference, criticism, or judgment from the voice inside the pages of the book.  But now, with the self-discovery section, we’ve added another voice to the array of voices in their heads… telling them what they should do, what they should feel, what they should think... 

This was not my goal.  This is not my vision, but it seems that people are more comfortable being led down a specific path, than to explore the path on their own — at least that's what publishers believe.

If that is, indeed, the case, we’ll be happy to be their tour guides.  We’re just as good as the next guy.

And then it’s the thought of starting ALL OVER, AGAIN with publishers.  It’s going back to where my nightmares start and end… going back to the part I absolutely hate Hate, HATE!

Gosh!  To start all over again is my GO TO JAIL card. Do not pass GO; Do not collect $200.

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Trying to Fit a Square Peg into a Round Hole?

After writing that last entry, I went to bed, trying to be positive about our future — but I kept coming back to what the acquisitions editor is saying.  People only buy friendship books that focus on repairing damaged friendships or dealing with toxic friends.

If that’s an accurate statement, then I’m screwed.  No publisher will pick us up.

The only way to be picked up by a publisher is to challenge that belief — that there’s no one interested in a book like ours.  How can no one want to develop healthy relationships from the start?  It just doesn’t make sense!

So, I wrote back to the editor and commented that we’re living in a pretty sad world if people would rather screw up their relationships than develop healthy ones from the start.   I admitted that I did understand the publisher's perspective, but I couldn't help but wish we could change his mind, somehow. If only we could talk to him and present our case. All we're looking for is a chance to change people's minds.

I’m not exactly sure what happened, but she opened the door for us again... to see if we can massage the friendship book to fit the publisher’s step-by-step approach to self-help products.

We may be trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, but we’re trying.  It all depends exactly how much we’re willing to chisel out of “our” book to fit “their” formula.

How far will we go to get published?

We’ll just have to wait and see…

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We’re Still Encouraged!

Well, part of me is a bit — no, a lot — bummed out.

We received another encouraging letter of hope today.

But you know what?  In reading it, and working with this acquisitions editor, I really get the feeling that she is as disappointed with her company’s decision as we are.  NO, REALLY!

I'm not pulling your leg on this, and it's not my "Pollyanna" outlook on things.  I could tell that she really loved the book, and she put a lot of energy into pitching it to her publisher for us.  To sway things to our favor, she did market research and everything.

Unfortunately, all her diligence did us in.  As our acquisitions editor says, “It seems that people are mostly buying friendship books that focus on repairing damaged friendships or dealing with toxic friends.”

The problem is that people aren’t buying books like ours — positive books on friendship and relationships.  They aren’t looking at how to create long and lasting relationships from the start; only how to repair friendships after they’ve screwed it up so badly that there’s no hope in salvaging anything from it. People don't realize that, once trust and respect is gone, the relationship is dead.

Why aren’t people interested in developing healthy relationships from the start?  Why do people wait until it’s too late?  Then, after it’s too late, they look around and wonder, “What the hell happened?”

It’s all very sad… sad for us all…

Anyway, with the paying public against us, the acquisition editor couldn’t change her publisher’s mind. She truly wishes us the best in finding a home for our work.

We do understand.  When we started on this journey, we knew it was going to be an uphill battle.  What we are selling is not easy to sell.  Trust, caring, kindness, empathy, communication, appreciation, affirmation, ethics, generosity, attention, respect — all the things that support positive relationships — aren’t money makers in this world of ours. 

But, we refuse to give up.  I trust that one day, things will change; and I hope our books will become part of this change, if not the catalyst to change.  [And yes, I admit... that's the Pollyanna in me.]  

Anyway, on a brighter note:  I left the door open with this publisher, hoping that we can send the acquisitions editor our other books for her review. 

She said that she would be happy to look over whatever we send to her.  Hopefully, our next book will meet her company’s marketing criteria.

I’m grabbing on to that promise with both hands.

One more thing I do know — with all my heart — is that the acquisitions editor did enjoy reading our book.

Well, one more person has read our material.  Only 7,100,557,000 to go to reach the rest of the world.

We've got a lot of work ahead of us!

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I Just Can’t Wait!

Katherine and I had one of our strategic meetings the other day, and I told her everything I just told you in the last blog entry. 

And she’s more than aware of my inability to wait and do nothing; so, we brainstormed some ways we could use our materials — without having to wait for a publisher to pick us up.  We concentrated on options that wouldn’t conflict with our goal of being picked up by a publisher, but would allow us to use our materials and support our personal goals.

Katherine brought up the workshop idea again, but this time for teens.  She thought, possibly, weekly discussion groups for teenagers would work — something informal, to go over the Ready or Not material.

Something similar could be promoted for the children’s book.  During the summer, we can set up a book club for children who would like to read and discuss our children’s book.  By then, we would have the discussion aid booklet completed to supplement the original story.

Since Katherine has connection with the homeschool community, it would be easy for her to generate some interest and promote these sessions to our target audience.

So, later this month, we may be adding these workshops to our ever-growing project list.

I’m really looking forward to this new phase.  It’s exciting to have a blank sheet in front of me and fill it with words that create a story, a feeling, a thought, and a different world.

It’s even more exciting to have someone breathe life into these words, and tell the story, experience the feelings, and conceptualize the thoughts…

Now add to all of that… the feeling of listening and discussing the different levels of meanings, feelings, and perspectives others will bring to these pages I’ve written.

They will bring their own stories, their own feelings, and their own worlds to share with us. 

I’m so excited!  I can’t wait!

I just can’t wait!     

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This Waiting is Driving Everyone Crazy!

Yeah.  Patience is not one of my virtues.  I need to be constantly moving forward on things.  Standing still and waiting for something to happen is not in my nature.

And this shortcoming of mine is driving everyone else around me crazy. 

Why?  Because I keep emailing, contacting, talking, searching, writing, and researching.  I keep jumping from one project to another, like a juggler.  I’m constantly doing something to keep this project moving and that project progressing and this other project going…

In my efforts to keep everything moving, I’ve expanded my circle of influence to include a number of other people, who find themselves in desperate need of a reprieve from my persistence.

Not to totally alienate myself from these new contacts, I’m trying to be patient.

I am managing to refrain myself from actually emailing anyone today, even though I’m continually checking my email account every hour for news from the publisher who is showing some interest in our Friendship book, for news from the therapists who have agreed to give us feedback on our teen book, or for news from parents who have offered to have their kids read and give us feedback on our children’s book.

It seems harder, today, to be content with sitting and waiting, because last week was so full of activity.  

I couldn't believe it!  Suddenly, everything started moving in different directions... as if each project had a life of its own.  This is great news and exactly what we are hoping for; but when it happens all at once... well, it makes it more difficult to juggle everything.

 What happened last week?

• The publisher, who asked for sample chapters, has written back and asked for the rest of the Friendship book.
• The therapist who was impressed with an audio clip — enough to say she’ll buy several copies of the book if it was anything like the clip — emailed back, wanting to meet with us once she reads the book.  She’s also asking questions about how we’re promoting ourselves and the book, and is indicating her desire to keep in contact with us through this process. 
• Friends of friends who are teachers and have published their own children’s books have come forward with suggestions and ideas as to how to get our children’s book viewed by educational publishers, which would open the doors to schools and homeschoolers.   This has prompted me to create a discussion aid for teachers and parents.  This will help with the interactive discussion that the book thrives on.
• The audio clip, “Self Defense Against Fear” is getting regular hits on the YouTube site. 
• People keep returning to this blog to follow our progress —and thank you very much, for doing that! 

Toward the end of last week, I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed by all the attention.  So, I had to take a step back, to try to get my thoughts organized and my hands around the separate projects that were going in various directions…

I’m a visual person, so I had to set everything down in front of me, so I could see the whole picture.  To do that, I got a huge piece of paper (around 16” x 21”) and created three columns (i.e., one for each project).   In the separate columns, I wrote where we were on each project, as well as my concerns and pending issues. 

With this new person, possibly, coming into the mix — the excited therapist — I also wanted to protect my self-interest in all of this.  To do that, I needed to be able to actually identify, clarify, and communicate what my goals are. 

Why am I doing all of this?  I’m sure more things will come to me, but this is a start:

• To have the freedom to stretch my creativity and have the ability to write on subjects that most interest me
• To be able to get our messages out in a positive and supportive manner that can help others
• To make a difference — to be an intricate and important part of this “movement” and enjoy this journey that we’re on
• Not to be harmed (financially, emotionally, physically, reputation-wise, etc.) by this endeavor
• To be able to make enough money from this to support me during my retirement years… until death does me in

Now… all that’s left to do is wait… and wait… and wait…

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Persistence Pays

During this last week, I emailed a bunch of local therapists listed on the Therapy Directory of the Psychology Today website.

I hit the jackpot yesterday.  I sent out about 10 queries asking if someone would mind giving me feedback on our teen book.  Surprisingly, 4 of the 10 responded back before the day’s end, saying that they would be happy to help us out and review our materials.

Knowing how busy therapists are, I also gave them the link to the audio clips, suggesting that — if they were short on time — they could get a quick, mini-taste of what's in the book.

One therapist used this quick method and emailed back saying that she was pretty impressed with the clip she viewed; and if the book is similar to the clip, she sees herself buying copies of the book for her office, for her clients to read.

AWESOME!!!! And this little testimonial is from watching just one clip!

Gosh darn!  I wished I had the guts to ask her which clip she watched.  If I could, I’d send that clip along with every query letter I send from now on!

Something More Than an Encouraging Letter of Hope

Golly Gee!!!

We got an email from a publisher in California who just got around to reading our book proposal and is hoping that our manuscript is still available for review. 

She is interested in seeing two to three chapters of our work.

 I’ve learned not to get “overly” excited.  We’ve gotten this close before.  A single person (in this case the Acquisitions Assistant) may like it and then passes it on to the “committee” where it’s stoned to death...

So, yeah... I’ve learned not to get “overly” excited… only really, Really, REALLY HOPEFUL!

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Oh... and, of course, I've dropped Ellen DeGeneres an update on all of this.  She remains speechless...

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Trying to Keep the Fires Burning…

I’m stuck doing the yucky, boring stuff, again—the stuff I hate doing.

I’ve become hoarse from working on the audio clips — doing and redoing them — and now, I’m sick of hearing my own voice talking at me.

I’m happy to say that there’s an impressive number of clips up — in my humble opinion — from both books, “Silhouette of a Friendship… From the Inside Out” and “Ready or Not — Life’s Coming at Ya”.

The two “Self Defense Against Fear” audio clips are getting the most attention, thus far.  I’m hoping people will stumble over the four “Bullying” clips, as well.

I still have more to do, but I’m burned out on recording, at the moment.  Like I said, I’m sick of hearing my own voice talking at me.

Katherine and I went over the third book in our series of children’s books. 

I’m not happy with it — not at all.  It flows well, moves the story along, and has lots of lessons in it (just like the other two books do), but there’s just not enough adventure in it to keep the reader wanting  to read more…

The most intense piece of the book — the piece I had hoped would bring the book to life — has been moved to the second book.  It fits well in the second, but renders the third book…. well, blah.

I’m putting that third book aside for a while… while I wait for my villains of conflict to come knocking on my imagination’s door.  Besides, there’s no pressure to finish the third book, until the first book is picked up by a publisher. 

In the meantime, I’m going back and searching for more publishers for Silhouette of a Friendship…  I’m sending out queries to the smaller “eclectic” publishers — the ones who aren’t mainstreamed.   Maybe we’ll have better luck with them.

After I've work down that list, I can jump over and start going down the list of children's book publishers.  I haven't made a dent on that list yet.

I’m  also continuing to reach out to local therapists to see if anyone has the time to give us feedback on the teen book.  Thus far, those responding back love the concept, but don’t have the time to review the material. 

I’ll just keep looking and asking…

So, yeah…  I’ve drained the creative parts of my brain and am now stuck doing the yucky, boring stuff, again — the stuff I hate doing.

Bummer!

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We'll Need More than 2 Minutes to Solve This Problem

I’ve been working on adding audio videos to our YouTube channel and have moved into recording more pieces from the teen book, Ready or Not—Life’s Coming at Ya.

I posted the first story from the Bullying section of the book (Part 3).  Of course, when I posted and reviewed it, YouTube pulls a list of other videos that deal with the subject of bullying.

Listed on the side were videos from sessions in Congress, discussing the issue.  There were sessions from various school boards discussing the issue.  There were videos on the Children’s Forum Debate.  There were various videos showing gameplays for bully online games.  

In the list of all of these, there was one video that was titled “How To Deal with Bullies”.  The video took less than 1 ½ minutes to view.  The video stated that the answer to dealing with bullies is to simply avoid the bully.

Just walk the other way, stay out of his way, or take a different route…

GOSH!  Let’s give ourselves a collective slap on our foreheads!  Why didn’t we think of that?!

If it was that easy, why has bullying become such an epidemic?  Why are kids committing suicide over it?

GOSH!  If it’s that easy, then what’s the problem?

The problem is that it’s NOT that easy.  Bullies exist everywhere.  We go to school with them; we work with them; some of us live with them and even worse, are forced to sleep with them. 

No.  It’s hard for me to openly admit this, but a bully has qualities that we, as a society, admire and reward.  The bully personifies the “survival-of-the-fittest” mentality that permeates our human psyche.

 

Notice how most people you meet have this drive to compete against you, to gain control, to gain the upper hand, to dominate a situation, to get the last word in a conversation, to win an argument, to possess another person, to fight for that competitive advantage, etc.  Our culture thrives on this facet of our human-ness.  There is this internal hunger in us to assert ourselves over everything and everyone around us.  It is in this way that we carry a bit of the bully in each one of us. 

It’s this internal bully that scares me the most — and the fact that, as a society, we praise and reward the survival-of-the-fittest attitude over the virtues we pledge our allegiances to… truth, integrity, fairness, justice, kindness, generosity, apple pie, and the American Way…

Ironically, in preserving the human race in this manner — through the survival-of-the-fittest (a/k/a bullying) method — we lose what makes us human.  The very trait that has preserved our species has destroyed our humanity.  This survival-of-the-fittest theme prevents, if not totally destroys, the emotional survival of humanity.  It hinders the possibility of experiencing and cultivating quality relationships with friends and couples and within families and social groups.  It stands in the way of the most fundamental and vital element of a relationship.  It stands in the way of trust. 

I want this to change in our society. 

I want civility to come back into our civilization.

I want our human-ness to survive in humanity.  

These are the desires that feed my need to publish our books and create the audio videos.  This is what feeds my craving to get these bullying segments up.

I know what I want to share with others will take longer than 1 ½ minutes, but, if I can prevent someone from becoming another victim of bullying, it’ll be well worth the time.

Yeah.  We’ll need more than 2 minutes to solve this problem.

P.S. I was so "motivated" by this post that we've posted a number of YouTube audio clips/videos dealing with the bullying subject -- http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=2AspiringAuthors&aq=f. 

Please check them out and give us feedback.  Thanks.

In Search of Peace and Quiet

The annoyingly loud humming of the new “energy efficiency” refrigerator has stirred me from my sleep… again.

This refrigerator has taken over my life.  IT controls my movements in the house — when I eat, when I sleep, when I wake up, when I play the piano and practice, when and where I watch TV and talk on the phone, what I write about, etc.  I’m afraid to open the refrigerator when it’s quiet, for fear of waking the frigid monster from its slumber.  Once that happens, it roars back into action.

I can’t sit in silence — literally — so, I’ve complained about this phenomenon ever since I got the fridge — three days ago.

Everyone around me —from the salesman to my mother— tells me to suck it up.  “You’ll get use to the noise.  Your problem is that your house is too quiet and stress-free.  Get a couple of dogs, a couple of kids; turn on the TV and stereo, run the vacuum, run the A/C, dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer—then you won’t notice the noise coming from the refrigerator.”

Their answer is to add more noise… not to eliminate or reduce the noise pollution that already exists.

So, I feel like I’m being held hostage by my refrigerator, and no one cares to rescue me. 

I even offered to pay ransom for my freedom — to buy my peace and quiet back!  I went back to the store to exchange the fridge for a more expensive, but quieter model.  The salesman tells me that there is no such creature — a quiet refrigerator.

I searched online and found his statement to be true… at least a fridge in my price range.  If I had $5,000 in my budget to spend on one appliance, then I could get a quieter one… and that day will only come when I become a famous and published author.

I guess this is our own doing.  This noise pollution problem was actually instigated by us… well, by the people we voted into office — Congress. 

Due to Congress passing energy efficiency laws, manufacturers of refrigerators have replaced the high-powered, quiet compressor fans with lighter, noisier fans that have to run 75% of the time to keep the refrigerators at the requested temperature.  Because the motors run 75% of the time, this constant loud droning sound is ever-present.  If you live in a small house that has an open floor plan (like mine), the loud humming permeates throughout the house, around corners and seeps under closed doors. 

It’s during these times that I have to grab for the printout of the Serenity Prayer — because, in this state of mind (and lack of sleep), I can’t recite it from memory… or from my heart.

Yes, I’m in search of the Peace and Quiet that used to live in my home and my heart.  They do not live with me, anymore — not since the new refrigerator moved in.  They moved out when IT moved in.

Yes, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Since I haven’t been graced with such wisdom to know the difference, I’m still searching for a solution to my problem.

Can I change this for me?  Can I bring Peace and Quiet back into my home and soul? 

Through Internet searches and forums, I’ve learned that noisy refrigerators bother more people than just me.  One gentleman took a decibel meter with him and searched for two weeks — looking for a quiet refrigerator.  He only found a quieter one.

Another lady has to wear earplugs to sleep at night.

One person has placed sound absorbing (fire-proof) material in the walls around and on the floor under his refrigerator to soak up the offensive noises his refrigerator makes.  He said that the sound absorbing material has eliminated most of the noise. 

So, that’s my next step.  I’m paying a guy to install sound absorbing installation around the fridge. 

If that doesn’t work, I guess I have to accept things I cannot change… but I’m not there yet…

What is very interesting about this experience is that, once I made the decision to do something about the noise — and not just sit and accept it, like everyone’s telling me to do — my friend, Peace, came back home.

So, together we sit, waiting for the day that Quiet returns home. 

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Sign of the Times?

I was reading a post from one of the various writers’ groups I’ve joined.

One fellow aspiring author tells us he has a literary agent.  This literary agent has written her first book and has decided to self-publish it.  Our fellow aspiring author adds no more details, other than his bewilderment.  This is understandable, since he has pinned all his hopes on this literary agent getting him signed with an established publisher.   

I find his news both ironic and telling…

Telling us what?  I’m not sure… 

I don't know if it's telling us how tough the publishing market is… or telling us how difficult it is for new authors to be picked up by publishers… or telling us how beneficial [or NOT] a literary agent is for first-time authors… 

Whichever it is, it's pretty depressing to think that your literary agent — who you’ve pinned your hopes on — can't get her own book picked up by an established publisher... using her contacts, influence, and skills.

Yes, of course there can be a number of reasons for the agent to choose to self-publish instead of marketing her book to a publishing firm. 

She may rather publish her book herself instead of giving 90 percent of the proceeds away to a publisher.  She may feel that she can do a better job and have more control over her book if she did it herself.  She may have the desire and the cash flow to start her own independent publishing firm.  What better way to test the waters than with her own book, before drawing on her established client base of unpublished authors?  Then again, she may have written a book that is not in the genre her publisher friends are interested in…

Logically, there are a host of reasons the literary agent has decided to go the self-publishing route herself, while promising her clients that she has the influence, connection, and skill to get publishers interested in their manuscripts—for a piece of their profits.

After all of that reasoning, it’s still funny to me that a literary agent has opted to self-publish her own book…

And I can also understand how our fellow aspiring author finds it more disturbing… than funny.


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Who Am I Kidding?

While I’m waiting for a therapist to get back to me, I’ve decided to live in the little world that I’ve created for myself. 

No, not the overly-optimist world most people believe that I’m living in — the one where I’m so close to becoming published.  No, not that one, but the little circus world that I’m creating for the children’s book series.

Yeah, I’ve started on the third book in the series — before we’ve gotten adequate feedback from the first one, and before Katherine has had a chance to read the second book in the series. 

The good news is this third book is keeping my brain busy… busy enough to control my obsessions. 

• I’m not sitting at the computer, emailing Ellen DeGeneres again… just to say, “Hi, remember us?”  I did think about doing that this morning, but I didn’t follow through with it.   I think that’s progress…
• I’m not emailing the same therapists over and over again, asking if they got my initial request for feedback on the teen book, Ready or Not…  I did that only a couple of times, but then I stopped.  I think that’s progress…
• I’m not inundating Katherine’s email box with off-the-wall ideas to help us get noticed by publishers.  I’ve just been going ahead and doing the off-the-wall ideas and then apologize to Katherine, afterwards.  I think that’s progress…
• I’m not beating myself up because I’m only two months ahead of schedule on the blog entries, when I use to be three months ahead.  That’s progress… 
• I’m not fixated on checking how many people view this blog or the YouTube channel… as much.  I only check it three times a day now.  That’s progress, right?

So, yeah…  Working on this third children’s book is controlling my obsessive tendencies…

Heck!  Who am I kidding?!




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I Need a Therapist!

 

The first step to a solution is admitting that you have a problem.


So… I'm admitting that I have a problem. 

Remember me telling you that I was unsure about the teen book (i.e., blog entry: Filled with Self-Doubt)?

Well, I’m still unsure and am still in search of someone to read it and give me feedback on it.

No, I take that back.  A friend at work has read it and loves it… but she’s not in my target audience.  I need a teenager or those dealing with teenagers to help me out.

In the darkness of my despair over this, I think I’ve stumbled over a solution to my problem. 

I’ve started emailing therapists who work with parenting and teen issues.  I’ve started contacting local therapists first, and then I’ll branch out from there.  I know therapists are very busy and their time is money… but I’m hoping that one or some of them will be able to take some time to give me feedback on the book.

So, yeah…at this point, I need a therapist…


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