To Whom Much is Given, Much is Expected

Last month, in the blog post, “True Listening is Love in Action,” I introduced the book, The Road Less Traveled, by Dr. M. Scott Peck. 

In his book, Dr. Peck, discusses the attributes that — in his opinion — make for a fulfilled human being, based largely on his experiences as a psychiatrist and person.  He also encourages us to confront our problems which would enable us to reach a higher level of self-understanding.

He subdivides his “wisdom” into three parts:  discipline, love, and grace.  In the earlier post, I discussed the first three parts.

Something happened today that makes me want to talk about the last section… the section on grace.

And I guess it’s fitting that this revelation of mine happened in church…

I’ve sung in various choirs all my life.  Compared to its other choir members, I’m relatively new to this "current" choir — only singing with them for a couple of years, and I am one of the “younger” members in the group…

Today, our choir director put a quartette together — of which I was a member.  After Mass, the director received compliments on how well the quartette sung — comparing us to a professional group from New York, which was very gratifying and appreciated.  The choir director would like to do this more often.

Even with these glowing compliments, the choir director wanted to talk to me after everyone left.

She wanted to talk to me about my “stickiness.”

Me:  “Sticky?  I don’t understand.  What do you mean by stickiness?”

She:    “Well, when Jake started singing your part, I can feel you stiffening up.  You became “sticky.”  Because of that, the psalm didn’t come off as well as it did in practice.  It was still good, just not as good as I know it could have been.”

Me:     “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting Jake to start the psalm.  Cindy mentioned that I should cantor the start, so when Jake started, I was confused… wondering if Cindy said I should or if he should and I got distracted and…it became an ‘oops moment’ — not sure what I was to do.”

She:    “Overall it was good.  No one noticed, and we got compliments.  It’s just next time — and he’ll do it the next time…that’s just him — instead of stiffening up, bring Jake into you and let it all flow together.  It’ll be more connected and flow as one, instead of disconnected.  Your energy influences the group.  If you stiffen up, then it flows through the group and they’ll stiffen up as well, and everything becomes disconnected.  It all flows from you.”

Me:     “I understand how my energy influences the group, and I’m doing the best I can.  It’s hard when I’m surrounded by those who want to take control and others who want to stand out and be the center of attention. 

“It’s hard to bring all the different personalities together — to get that unity and flow within the group… Part of me just wants to disconnect from them, while at the same time connect for the flow — trying not to be distracted by them, but, at the same time, share with them.  It’s hard to balance the two…   

“Because it’s difficult, I end up concentrating on what I can do, which is reach out to the congregation and embrace them with my energy and bring them in.  I know I’m effective at that, because I see it in their faces when I sing to them.”

She:    “It is difficult to balance the disconnection with the connection.  Try thinking of bringing balance to the group by bringing them into you as you do the congregation.  When you sing, imagine your energy flowing over and surrounding everyone and everything.  Think of extending that energy beyond the congregation — pushing it further out and around… encompassing the singers around you, the instrumentalists behind you, and even those beyond the walls of the church.  Shoot for more…” 

Shoot for more...

Our conversation brought me back to what Dr. Peck said in his book—regarding grace and spiritual growth — along with the saying, “To whom much is given, much is expected.”

There is an expectation and responsibility to push ourselves to greater and greater wisdom… to greater and greater effectiveness. 

“To whom much is given, much is expected.”

The choir director didn’t go to Jake and ask him to become more of a team player and sing as part of the group. 

No.  She was asking me to do something that was far more difficult.  She was asking me to use my energy to influence the flow of the group —  not to change the individuals in the group but to balance the differences within the personalities to create a more cohesive sound. 

And all this is to be done without words… only through my presence, intent, and nonverbal movement and touch within the group…

Is this going to be hard for me?  YES!!!  So, why attempt it?  What if I fail?

There are so many people who live their lives unaware of others.  Why can’t I blend in with them and be one of them?  

Wouldn’t it be easier for me if I could just close myself off and only focus on my time in the spotlight?  Why should I put my energy out there to make the group sound better?  What’s in it for me?  Why extend myself in this manner? 

The answer is simple... but hard to achieve. 

It's because not to do so would display the unwillingness to extend myself to others. 

It would be a barrier to spiritual growth.  It would be the opposite of love.  

And that's not me...

“To whom much is given, much is expected.”

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The Relationship between Mental and Physical Health

My 87-year-old mother is in the hospital with congestive heart failure.  For years, the doctors have told her that she needs to replace the valve in her heart, but she doesn’t want the operation because she’s afraid of having a stroke on the table—which is a risk.

But we can’t talk about any type of surgery now…

All we’re concerned about at the moment is getting Mom’s meds managed, getting her back on her feet, and getting her strong enough to get her home.  To do that, she’ll have to go to a rehabilitation center to regain her strength.

And before she can do that, the doctors have to get her meds managed so she’s stable enough to be discharged from the hospital.

As each day passes and new symptoms (and consequences of past trial-and-error medicines) surface, an increasingly thick layer of depression and misery hangs around.

Doctors are giving Mom a mixture of meds, trying to stabilize her, but I’m as concerned about Mom’s mental attitude as much as her physical health.  One feeds the other and vice versa.  The mixture of meds, which are causing a chemical imbalance, is also creating an emotional imbalance which is affecting her moods, outlook, and her overall health.

I’ve given up trying to contribute in this situation.  My presence is met with criticism and rebuttal.  Her extended family has rallied around her, and nothing I say or suggest is credited with any value.  They all know better than I, and I’m dismissed as soon as I arrive.    

On one hand, I’m hurt by this; but on the other hand, I’m released from the responsibility.  There are doctors and nurses in our family who are more knowledgeable than I, in this particular area. 

I know that everything happens for a reason and will work out the way it is meant to work out. 

And, even though all we can do is take one day at a time, it's hard to convince the rest of them of this unchanging and natural law...

But then again, tomorrow is another day and brings with it another chance to do better…




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Why Does Every Encounter Have to End As a Power Struggle?

Warning!!  Venting Zone Ahead!

Thank goodness I have Friday off.  It’s the beginning of the week, and I’m already fed up with the office for the week! 

My main frustration regarding the “professional" (?) work environment — in which I spend 50 hours a week — is the fact that those working there don’t respect each other.  They don’t have the attitude of working together… of collaboration… of supporting cooperation… of sustaining healthy relationships with one another.

Why does every encounter have to turn into a power struggle around here?  

Why can’t a person have a pleasant conversation with someone in the kitchen, without being reprimanded for it? 

Why are employees so focused on covering their butts, instead of focused on working together to come up with solutions?

Yeah… I’m frustrated…

All of this goes against my core value system.  I don’t like being a part of a company that has avoiding responsibility, bullying, and blaming others running freely through its vein-like corridors.  

People go around assuming the worst of others, jumping to negative conclusions, and accusing others instead of accepting the consequences of their own actions.  

This behavior is practiced and encouraged by the Head of the division; therefore, it’s understandable why this type of behavior permeates throughout the workplace. 

When I complain, they simply shrug.  If you don’t like the office politics, you’re welcome to leave.  You’re expendable… replaceable… disposable…

The saddest part is that if/when I do leave, I’ll find that the next place will be the same or even worse…

Yeah… Friday’s not coming soon enough for me…

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Peer Pressure Works Both Ways

The first year on the job, I was told of the company’s fancy Holiday Party.   I was warned that there would be a lot of loud music, a lot of drinking, and a lot of embarrassing — boarding on blackmail-worthy — behavior at the party.  I was also told that — to make sure employees attended — the company made important HR announcements at this company function. 

I don’t drink nor am I comfortable in large, loud, and fancy social gatherings like this one — so, there’s nothing at this party that was appealing to me—but I felt pressured to go… because it was expected of me. 

Because I didn’t want to go — but felt pressured to go — an internal conflict was created within me.  I was full of anxiety and angst about this event.  I was in a panic about what to wear, what to do at the party, how to act, who to sit with, how long to stay… and the list went on and on. 

Yes, the first year with the company, I went to its fancy Holiday Party.  I did not have a good time.

The second year with the company, I did the same thing.  I let my co-workers and supervisors pressure me into going to the Holiday Party, spending hours of my free time wishing that I was someplace else other than “at work.”  I felt the same anxiety and angst over the event as before—and, as before, I did not have a good time.

Luckily, in the third year, the company party fell on a night that I couldn’t attend, and I sent my regrets, instead.  There was no anxiety or angst!  I simply couldn’t go — and I felt so free! 

What was the fallout for not attending a company function of this magnitude?  Nothing, really…

Yes, there was talk about what I missed at the party the next day, and my supervisor updated me on the HR announcements, but that was about it.  There was no Act of God that destroyed my little piece of the world.  The world didn’t stop revolving on its axis.  I was still employed.    

Freedom tasted so good that year that for the fourth year — and every year thereafter — I simply sent in my regrets that I wasn’t attending.   

When asked why I wasn’t attending, I’d answer truthfully.  I went a couple a times and simply didn’t enjoy myself.  That response always got an interesting reaction.  Those asking would agree with me.  They didn’t like going either, but they felt pressured to go…  They never felt that they could say, “No thanks,” without dealing with negative consequences from their superiors. 

But the next year, they joined me in sending their regrets... and guess what?

There was no Act of God that destroyed their little piece of the world.  The world didn’t stop revolving on its axis.  They were still employed. 

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What Bugs Me?

I walked into one of the opened office rooms where a small group had gathered around Julie.  They were all staring at her sweater’s sleeve.  I asked what was so intriguing on the sleeve.

“A bug,” came the response.

So, we had five people staring at the sleeve of the sixth person, contemplating the fate of this tiny, little bug that ended up in the wrong place…

After (what seemed to be) endless minutes, the conclusion was to take the bug outside and release it into nature, to be set free to enjoy its remaining days in sunlight — something us “office-folks” long for on a daily basis…

Watching this group from afar, I couldn’t help but think how sad it was that contemplating and guiding — if not controlling — this bug’s life on a sweater’s sleeve gave us more intellectual stimulation and life’s purpose than our jobs.

 That’s what bugs me…

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Graphics Update

The other day, we met with the graphic artist at my house.  The meeting went well… I think. 

We’re all on the same page, again… I think. 

When it became clear that my words weren’t doing the job in explaining my vision for the cover, I attempted to sketch out what I was seeing in my mind’s eye.   

The penciled sketch was able to give a tangible image to the message we wanted, and Katherine shared this rough sketch with the graphic artist.  

To his credit, he didn’t laugh or scoff at it.   He actually said it was quite helpful, and what we wanted was “doable.”   

The graphic artist even asked if he could take a copy of the sketch with him. 

Without missing a beat, Katherine asked for a copy (signed and dated) for herself, so she could put it up at her home…

I’m now imagining my sketch tacked on her refrigerator — where, of course, all great artwork is displayed. 

It’ll sit amidst a number of colorful Picasso-like pictures her 7-year-old son has done for her — and with them sitting side-by-side, it’ll be hard to tell who drew which…

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Team Spirit

I just received an agitated call from a friend.  She was upset because she was just told by her boss that she was not a team player. 

She had a departmental meeting earlier today.  During the meeting, she made the mistake of bringing up her frustrations regarding inefficiencies in the way they did things.  She outlined several processes that were adding costs to their production without adding any value to their customers.  She asked why couldn’t they eliminate those activities and save the company money.  Their limited resources and employees could be directed toward products that were generating income for the company.

Her manager was greatly moved by such suggestions — moved to the point of being insulted and angry with her.  He felt that she was threatening him and giving him ultimatums…

That’s when he said that he was very disappointed in the fact that she was not a team player.

She tried to explain that if he could show sales figures or analysis or customer surveys that supported the current process, she wouldn’t be so frustrated with being asked to support the process.

He had neither the need nor time to find out which products are making a profit for their division and which are not.  Even if she was right about the ineffective and inefficient processes, it didn’t matter.  It didn’t matter if their division loses money.  As long as the company (as a whole) makes money, he’ll get his increases. 

She was told not to concern herself with such things.  Just do what she is told — no questions asked.   

And start being a team player or find another place of employment.

The ironic part of this story is that it’s the manager, and not my friend, who lacks the team spirit.

The saddest part of this story is that this “management style” permeates through corporate America like freshly popped popcorn.  Intelligent, competent employees are not seen as valued assets — but replaceable, bothersome pieces. 

A word to the wise:  We all have the desire to be seen, to be heard, and to be appreciated — but, rarely, do we get these needs fulfilled on the job site.  Make sure you develop a support group outside the workplace to fill these needs for you.

The workplace is simply that — the workplace.  It’s not your home.

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