Thank Goodness for My Day Job

My day job is constantly feeding me the motivation necessary to keep my dream alive.

It’s truly a fertile and futile training ground for me. 

It allows me to practice the fine art of waiting — a skill that I’m finding crucial in keeping my sanity while keeping my dream alive. 

• I wait for others to get back to me. 
• I wait for phone calls and emails to be returned. 
• I wait for corrections to be made and processed. 
• I wait for co-workers to get back from vacations and lunch breaks. 
• I wait for answers to my questions. 
• I wait for approvals and authorizations. 
• I wait on clients.
• I wait for the day I can quit. 
• I wait… and wait… and wait.

While I’m doing all this waiting, I’m also learning lots from my co-workers, supervisors, and managers.  

• They’re teaching me to reduce my expectations so to reduce my disappointments.  
•  They’re illustrating the destructive forces ego and insecurities have on team spirit and productivity.
•  They constantly remind me how the "blame game" erodes a person’s integrity and credibility.

All these skills come in handy when trying to become a published author, so I’m grateful to my day job.
 
Yes, thank goodness for my day job.  If it wasn’t for it, I wouldn’t be pursuing my dream so diligently.



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Wait

Well, I’m back to playing the waiting game — waiting for feedback from those who agreed to review the children’s book, endlessly waiting for a publisher  to come through for us, and waiting for Katherine to have time to meet with me regarding our next move.

I have to admit, I am not a patient person.  I have this insatiable need to constantly be doing something to keep this dream going.  We call it “throwing spaghetti against the wall” — just hoping something sticks for us.

And yes, I know that things will happen… all in due time.  It’s just that… well, I am not a patient person.




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I’m Not Used to This

I told you that I was reaching out to various organizations and associations to see if they would help us with getting our children’s book picked up by publishers.

Well, the Florida Department of Education pointed me toward the 67 individual school board districts throughout Florida.  I contacted my district and a neighboring one as well.  My plan was to contact each of the 67 districts, one by one, and see who would respond to our request, if any.

Within a couple of hours, I received emails back from the school boards willing to discuss our projects.  Some back-and-forth emails later, those involved with elementary education and bullying prevention programs for the school districts, along with the district’s school’s social work supervisor have offered to review our manuscripts and give us their feedback.

Hopefully, our project strikes the right core with them.  If not, I’ve got 65 more districts to contact.

I’ve also reached out to Abundant Assets Alliance—which combines YMCA of the USA and Canada and Search Institute (three distinguishing organizations with proven success in building strong kids).  One person with Search Institute emailed me back to let me know that she was forwarding my email to her colleague.

I know all these people could come back and tell me that they can’t help us, but I’m just excited that each one of them took the time to reach out and make contact.

After months and months of reaching out to publishers and literary agents — only to receive cold silence from them — it’s a pleasant and welcoming change to have people actually respond back.

I guess I’m just not used to this.


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Shifting Gears

Since it seems that we’re changing direction with the relationship book, Katherine and I have to really sit down and think things through and make some decisions. 

This means I can’t go any further on this project until Katherine and I can meet.

So, to keep myself busy, I’ve turned my attention back to the children’s book. 

I’m pretty sure that we’ll run into the same hurdles with the publishers of children’s books as we have with the adult-nonfiction publishers — which is that we don’t have a following, a built-in audience, or formal and time-tested sales platform that would guarantee book sales for the publisher.

We could self-publish the children’s book, but we’ll need help with the funding of it.  Because of the discussion aid that goes along with the story, we’re talking about a two-book package, with illustrations for each chapter.  All of that takes more money than we have.

With that in mind, I’m brainstorming as to how I can generate some support for the book.  I’ve started sending out requests for help to various groups… hoping that someone would step in for us. 

I’ve sent letters to homeschool publishers, organizations, and associations. 

I’ve reached out to the National Homeschool Association, various parent/teacher associations, the Florida Department of Education, and the Florida School Board Association.

I’ve targeted Target® as well.  Their community outreach programs focus on reading and educational programs for children.  That gave me the idea to write to the president of Target® to see if he had some leads or contacts that would help us get published. 

I’ve even written to Mrs. Laura Bush to see if she would help us out.

We’ll see if any of this bears fruit.  In the meantime, I’ll keep brainstorming…

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Can’t Judge a Book by Its Cover

We’ve had a couple of emails going back and forth from that “helpful literary agent.”  She’s very eager to introduce us to her contacts at the two non-traditional publishers she’s mentioned.

I’ve looked into both of the companies.  One is a hybrid publisher who requires us to buy 2,500 books from them, which would mean we would have to invest around $15,500 — a price tag that was way over our budget.

Once we hand over all that money, we would have to do all the marketing, promoting, distribution, and selling for this huge inventory.  For all of this, we would receive pennies in royalties for those books that are sold through their distribution channels.

The second option this “helpful literary agent” is promoting is a newly formed self-publishing arm of a huge traditional publisher (which dominates the self-help industry that we want to break into).  The literary agent tells us that the president of this huge publishing company personally reviews all the manuscripts that goes through the self-publishing division and the strongest titles are brought over and republished through the gigantic traditional publishing arm — which is a huge bonus for first-time authors like us.

This self-publishing arm also offers the same marketing opportunities that the traditional publishing company has created — another good bonus for authors who are not skilled in the art of marketing and distribution of books.

We thought this would be perfect for us.  Without this option, our materials would never be reviewed by anyone in one of the large traditional publishers — let alone the PRESIDENT of the company!!!  Our thought was that if we couldn’t get pass the bouncer at the front door, maybe we can slip in through this backdoor…

Yeah… This golden carrot that the literary agent is offering us is sooo bright that it’s blinding our senses.

We graciously accepted her kind offer of introduction — but accepted it in a vague and general manner.

This way we had time to decide what our next step should be.  Although an extremely important element, getting this book published is only one step in our master plan.

We really need to analyze this option to see if this new path is in line with our overarching goals.  We have very limited funds, and we don’t have the luxury of missteps.  We want to make sure that we are spending the money in the most effective way possible and in a manner that would propel us down the right path for us.

So, I’ve taken off my dreamer’s hat and have replaced it with an analytical one.  I’ve taken off my rose-colored glasses and replaced them with sunglasses that will protect me from the glitter of gold illuminating from this carrot that’s being dangled in front of us. 

And the more I look into the proposal, the more I’m convinced that this definitely IS a golden opportunity… for the publishing company, that is.

This self-publishing service is actually being outsourced to another self-publishing conglomerate, and the services are being marked up considerably through this “self-publishing arm” of the huge traditional publishing company. 

Also, the promise that the PRESIDENT reads every manuscript that comes through is an… exaggeration… to put it mildly.  The busy president of this huge successful publishing company doesn’t read the manuscripts that come through the front door of his main business, why would he waste his time to personally read every manuscript that comes through the backdoor of the self-publishing arm of the company — that is actually outsourced to another conglomerate? 

Why is our “helpful literary agent” pushing us in this direction?  Why is she advising us to spend money that we don’t have for a promise of a golden carrot that was made of fool’s gold?

This is a good reminder that everyone operates primarily out of self-interest.  At some point, another’s self-interest will get in the way of our self-interest.

This is why it’s always good to follow the basic rule… “If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

But I’m a person who always looks for a silver lining, and a good thing has come from all of this. 

It’s made Katherine and me seriously consider the self-publishing route… 

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Keep in Touch

I complimented a co-worker for a job well done and patted her on the shoulder.

She stopped for a moment and gave me a thoughtful look. 

It was then that I realized that I may have crossed into her personal space when I patted her on her shoulder.  In this crazy world that we live in, I guess I could be brought up on harassment charges in the workplace because I touched her.

I started backing away from her when she smiled and said, “You know, it’s really nice to be appreciated and be given a pat on the back every once in a while… well… a pat on the shoulder.”

I walked back to her chair and gave her another pat on her shoulder and then I gave her a pat on her back.  Then, I rubbed her back between her shoulders a bit.

She said, “Oh, wow!  I’ll give you 30 minutes to stop that.”

It’s just another reminder that we need to be told that we are appreciated.  We need to feel that we are appreciated. 

Everyone needs a good pat on the back… and if you follow it with a little back rub, all the better!

Time to Get Off the Merry-Go-Round

We received a very interesting “encouraging letter of hope” from a very kind and helpful literary agent.

She eloquently expressed her concern about our lack of a “well-developed platform” to support the marketing and promotional aspects of our project. 

She told us that:

“Publishers increasingly expect authors to have well-developed platforms prior to seeking publication so that they have a built-in audience when the book comes out.  If a publisher doesn’t believe that the author can personally sell many thousands of copies on their own (the big NY publishers expect to sell in the 20,000 to 50,000 copies at a minimum based on the author’s sole efforts), they are averse to taking a project on.”

Without an established audience, publishers — and, thus, literary agents — will not take on new authors.

If this was a rejection letter, it would have stopped there; but our encouraging letter of hope continued.

Although this literary agent could not take us on as a client, she advised us to look into other publishing models that have developed over the years. 

She has gone so far as to name a couple of non-traditional publishers and has offered to personally introduce us to her contacts in these companies. 

We really appreciate her offer because a personal reference really helps in this business.

So, we’re getting off of the merry-go-round we’ve been on for the last year and moving on to a different ride. 

Hopefully, this new ride will take us somewhere exciting, and not just round and round in a circle.

That Didn’t Last Very Long…

Just got word from the “intrigued” publisher…

Although our work is interesting and intriguing, their listing is all booked for the next year and can’t place our book on it for now… She wishes us the best of luck…

That’s the catch in all of this…

The larger publishers won’t look at our work because we haven’t been published… and the smaller publishers who will look at us — and are moved by our stuff — don’t have the staff, resources, and publishing power to take on more than they already have.

Seems like an endless cycle for us.  I feel a bit like Don Quixote, fighting my own personal giants.

Like the song, Windmills of Your Mind, from the Thomas Crown Affair:

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Anyway, I’m trying to think of another strategy, while still sending out (pointless) queries and book proposals.

If only I can connect with some established authors in the field that we want to break into, maybe they could help us.  It’s worth a try. 

What’s the worst thing that can happen?  They ignore our request… and heaven knows, I’m used to that by now.

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Out of the Mouths of Children

That's when we all need the 

hugs and kisses the most.

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Trying to Chillax

I’m taking today off and am doing nothing…well, almost nothing.

The phone has stopped ringing; the laundry is done; the vacuuming and dusting can wait for another day.

The last two weeks have been full of ups and downs: counseling friends and confessing to friends; covering for vacations at work and dealing with unreasonable deadlines; contracting and coordinating contractors to help with home maintenance issues; trying to keep my head firmly planted in reality regarding our writing projects, etc.

Yes, it’s a great feeling to be (somewhat) successful in juggling the different facets of your life… but it is also draining.  If we don’t take time out for ourselves to rejuvenate, we’ll start to lose our balance and focus. We’ll start dropping things all over the place — which isn’t a good thing to do if you’re a master juggler…

So, I’m taking a day off and just chillaxing…

At first, I’d thought I’d go to the movies, but my legs and arms have a different plan.  They’re pulling me back to bed… for an early afternoon nap and a lazy day with the TV remote.

I won’t argue with such a luxurious and guilty pleasure.

I’ll be back juggling in the morning.  See you then.

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Hope’s Working Overtime

It’s hard not to daydream about this, but I can't help it.  It's constantly on my mind.

I’m trying my best not to get excited, because it hurts when I'm forced to wake up from the dream, but...

Another publisher found our proposal and sample passages intriguing, and would be interested in reviewing the full manuscript.

I can’t get over the word she used... “intriguing.”  

As silly as it sounds, that one word holds so much promise for me. 

Yes, Hope’s working overtime.

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Why Won’t Hope Just Leave Me Alone?

As I fall asleep each night, I’ve been listening to “positive-thinking hypnosis tapes” — to keep my spirits up.  

I’ve been preparing myself to weather more silence and rejection from this new wave of publisher queries.

Yep, I’ve been mentally preparing myself… by asking Hope to leave me alone for a while.  If I don’t expect publishers to respond back to me, then I won’t be disappointed when they don’t.

It’s ironic, isn’t it?  Night after night, I fall asleep to faceless strangers whispering to me that I make a difference and that I matter — while, during the day, I’m dealing with faceless publishers showing me that I’m invisible and have nothing to offer them — all because I want to publish books that encourage people to share themselves with others and make a difference to those around them… 

Yep… I’m just going through the motions right now, not getting my hopes up…

I thought I had it all under control… until one of the publishers had the audacity to write us a hand-written encouraging letter of hope, telling us how much she enjoyed our book and how we filled the pages with love and experience.  She wished her company could help us but the genre doesn’t fit their listing, at this time — but she hoped that we find a really good home for our book.

A publisher who is recognized as the leading publisher on autism and Asperger syndrome contacted us to let us know that she received our proposal and that she will read it, discuss it with her partners, and let us know if our children's book is right for them.  They will get back with me in about six weeks. 

In both cases, there were no promises of publication made, and yet…

These two contacts—as short and unpromising as they were — lit the flame of hope and optimism in me again.  (damn it...)

Why won’t Hope just leave me alone?

It's because Hope has made a permanent home in my heart.

Hope will never leave me.

Damn it!

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Expecting Nothing

I scanned another database of more than 250 publishers interested in some form of relational self-help books.

I checked out another library book that lists children’s publishers…

Many publishers are not accepting unsolicited manuscripts or queries.  They want to only deal with well-known literary agents…

But there are a few who will look at our stuff, so I sent out another load of queries for both the relationship book and the children’s book.  I’m just reaching out to as many publishers and agents as I can, all at once — just to get it over with…

I don’t expect anything to come from any of this… 

I’m just going through the motions…

I’m keeping my expectations low, so I won’t be disappointed when I don’t hear from anyone for a long time… if ever.

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Never Satisfied

I went bowling for the first time in more than two decades. I warned my friend that I was terrible, but she didn’t mind.  She bowls once a week in her boyfriend’s league, and she thought our outing would give her a fun way to practice.

I was true to my word.  I WAS terrible!  I bowled a “34” in the first game.  It’s amazing, I’m given 20 chances to hit the pins, and I only mange to knock down 34 pins in all that time.  As you can imagine, most of my rolls ended in the gutter.

It was fun, though; because we celebrated every time I actually managed to keep the ball on the lane and hit something. 

We paid for two games; so, with my chin held high, I tried again and again.  I was determined to beat “34” in this next game.  I was so bad the first time that I didn’t think I could get any worse.

It wasn’t until mid-game that I tried something unconventional… and managed to strike all the pins down in one throw. 

I tried it again and managed another strike… and then another… followed by spares and more strikes…

Both my friend and I were in disbelief, along with the people in the lane next to us.  They couldn’t believe it either!!!

I ended that game with “127.”  Unbelievable!!!

We both bowled our “personal best” in that second game, so thought we’d pick up a third game.

That was a mistake.  My fingers were getting tired, I was getting hungry, and my attention span was waning for this game — and all of this showed in the third game.  I was much better than the first game — hard not to be—but not as good as in the second.

But in the third game, if I got anything less than a strike or a spare, I was disappointed. 

The celebratory feel of the first game and the disbelief of the second game were missing in this last game.  In the first game, I was happy to hit ANYTHING.  In the second game, I was amazed at hitting so many. 

In the third game, I focused on what I missed and not what I had hit.  Instead of being happy with how much I improved from the first game, I ended the night disappointed.

Too many times, we do the same in life.  We focus on what we don’t have and not on all the things we do have.  

We'd enjoy our lives so much more if we would stop doing that.

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Responsiveness in Healthy Relationships

Katherine came across this video that shows the role of responsiveness in healthily relationships. While this footage is of a mother and her baby, it's relevant to all relationships.  

Basically, the video reminds us, that no matter how old we are, we become hurt when those closest to us are non-responsive to our attempts in engaging them in a relationship.

What I find interesting is how quickly the baby responds back after being ignored by the mother.  There's no "holding a grudge" or "getting even" for the hurt inflicted.  The baby's just happy to have her mom interacting with her again.   

I think this is something we can learn from babies. 

Check out the link:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0&feature=player_embedded