What Does Your Invisible Footprint Look Like?

 

I googled my current employer — which I’ll call “ABC”— and was “surprised” to find a number of entries that gave the company negative reviews.

I already knew that turnover is 100% in many divisions within the company.  I already knew that employees in my division are not feeling appreciated or acknowledged. 

I didn’t know that these feelings were shared throughout the company.  I didn’t know that the Better Business Bureau gave the company a C-, due to the number of employee and customer complaints.

 

Let me share with you some of the reviews that are out there…

One person stated that:

“Intimidation and fear are the management styles for this company.  They have absolutely no consideration for their employees, and management takes lack of professionalism to a whole new level.

I quit a much better position for an opportunity with ABC, as I was hoping for something more challenging and rewarding.  The only challenge at ABC was learning to deal with the low level., unprofessional behavior from both staff and management.  Please do your due diligence and ask a lot of questions if considering a position with ABC.  There have been several others who experienced the same with ABC as I have, so please, take this as a warning.”

Another reports:  

“Dark, dingy work area. Communication is poor.  They do not encourage team work; they keep departments "at war" with each other, which is not conducive to helping a company grow.  Management does not appear to have any training and keeps more of a "high-school gossip" atmosphere.  They ask for the best in their field; however, they do not allow for people to demonstrate their skills.”

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I did find someone who said something positive:

“They provide a fridge and free coffee in the break room.”

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What’s interesting is that ABC is spending lots of money flooding the Internet — trying to brand themselves as a company of integrity and professionalism — while they are being blindsided by this “not-so-invisible” footprint that’s showing up on the Internet. 

And it’s their own doing. Their actions are sabotaging the success of their branding efforts. 

I mentioned these “reviews” to co-workers and supervisors, and asked if anyone in the company — perhaps Marketing, HR, or Top Management — ever google the company’s name to find out what negative press was out there.  If they wanted to grow a healthier company, they may want to find out — if not work on — some of the negative things that are being broadcasted to millions on the Internet.

Everyone seemed to just shrug it off — implying that it’s not surprising that ex-employees would say negative things about the company.  I mentioned the BBB rating, which includes customer complaints — but since the customer complaints weren’t about our specific division, the consensus was that there wasn't anything that "we" should do…

I just find it interesting that the company has this negative reputation imprinted on the Internet — which seems to be only invisible to the company.

So, why do I stay with a company that has such a negative footprint on the Internet?  

It’s because I’ve worked for worse companies in the past — and I’m not the only one.

For example, a new employee was just hired for our division.  I asked her how she liked working here.

She:    “I love it.”

Me:     “Oh, my gosh!  You used the “L” word!”

She:    “Yes, I did.  Compared to the last place I worked, this is great!”

Me:     “So, what you’re saying is, compared to Hell, this ain’t so bad?”

She:    “Yep.”

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Why Can't We Just All Get Along?

From Johnny Hart's classic strip, B.C.



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Calling in the Cavalry

Sunday night, I was sitting on the couch, staring into space… trying to hold back the tears…while wondering how to get myself out of the downward spiral I found myself slipping into.

I knew I couldn’t keep up the pretense of successful managing everything with Mom, her house’s flooding issues, the insurance claim due to the flooding, the remodeling of the damaged rooms because of the water damage (which should be done before Mom leaves rehab), the increasing number of doctors’ appointments for Mom, Mom’s financial concerns — oh, yeah… and my full-time job, my own house’s maintenance/financial issues, and my personal commitments that have nothing to do with what’s going on with Mom.

In a trance, I reached for the phone and dialed my sister’s number.  I had no idea what I was about to say to her, but I dialed her number, anyway.

It was a very short conversation.  I was too close to tears to say much.

I asked her if it was possible for her to come down this weekend. 

She didn’t ask anything of me.  She simply said that she’d make the plane reservations…

And we hung up from each other.

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College Expectations

I was at a network gathering the other day and overheard a conversation.  Someone had asked a young lady what her major was and that launched her into an epic tale of why—after five years—she wasn’t close to graduating. 

She started her story with, “Well, I started out studying to be an architect, but I really didn’t want to be an architect.  I was really interested in interior design, but the college didn’t have a program in interior design, so I decided to become a teacher.  When I got into that field, I had to decide what type of teacher—elementary or middle-school...”

She shrugged a bit and continued, “I couldn’t decide, so I changed my major to business and, then, accounting, but then decided that I rather go into behavior sciences and study physical therapy to help people — but the college didn’t have the program I wanted.” 

She shrugged again, “With all the time and money I spent taking all these courses, you would think I could graduate, but the college won’t let me.  I don’t care anymore; I just want to get out!”

A friend of hers suggested that she should just major in History.  She only needs 15 credits to get a History degree and then she could graduate.

She shook her head at that idea.  “No, I don’t like to read, write, or do research, so I don’t want to study History.”    

She admitted that the college did, finally, offer a field in the Behavior Science area that she thought could be interesting, but, by this time, her GPA was too low to enter that program.

She concluded her story by blaming the college for her inability to graduate, and the group sympathized with her situation.

I do hope that she finds what she’s searching for… but I don’t think what she's searching for is in the college curriculum and course catalog. 

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Throw in the Kitchen Sink!

 

Well, I’m still juggling a lot of precious figurines — one being my mother, who is still at rehab.

This week, the plumbing under her kitchen sink busted and water started flooded her house.  Because Mom’s not at the house, we didn’t know of the problem until Mom’s caregiver went by to pick up the mail and check on the pool.

Now, we’re dealing with the insurance company, the cleaning/drying crew, the insurance adjuster, and Mom’s anxiety over all of this…

And what’s getting me through this is the fact that I’m not dealing with all of this on my own.

Mom’s sister-in-law and her family have stepped in and are helping us get through all of this.  Mom’s caregiver is also making herself available to let people in and out of the house as necessary.  My supervisor at work is allowing me to leave when I need to, to deal with this situation as well as all of Mom’s various doctors’ appointments.

People at work are giving me emotional support as well.  They let me vent.  They acknowledge that they can’t change anything for me, but they are on my side and they’ve been there.  They reassure me that I’ll get through this… one day at a time…

I know they’re right — but I really didn’t need the kitchen sink to be thrown in, on top of everything else…

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When You’re In Over Your Head

Guess what!  I’ve just been thrown another fragile porcelain figurine to juggle—adding to an already dangerous collection….

And you know what I told the person who was trying to push it into my hands?

I said I can’t handle another thing.  Could that person deal with it?

 

And you know what?

Although this person got irritated with me, she took hold of the problem and dealt with it!!

In the process, she learned that she was as competent as I was and didn’t really need me to handle the situation for her.

Halleluiah!!!

In Over My Head

 Have you ever felt like you’re in over your head? 

That’s where I am…

It’s like I’m expected to juggle all these fragile porcelain figurines — and no one has taught me how to juggle.

I have to keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and focus on the things I have control over…

And let the rest…

                         :

                         : ... fall.

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Your Mission in Life

Mom has moved to the rehab facility to get her on her feet again.
 

She is not happy at rehab.  They are making her get up and do therapy that she doesn’t like doing.  They are making her follow a routine that is not her own.  They want her to get out of her darkened room and socialize with other patients. 

The facility is providing nutritional meals.  Friendly CNAs are coming by to check on her.  Whenever she rings for help, they come.

Extended family members are constantly calling and coming by to keep her spirits up.

In response to all of this, she keeps saying she wants to simply go to sleep and not wake up.

As I said before, we know how this story will end, but we’re not near the end…

There’s something more that Mom has to accomplish.  Exactly what that “thing” is, I’m not sure… but I know every life has a purpose… and has a mission to fulfill. 

Once our mission is completed, then we will move on from this life to the next.  To give up on a life before it has fulfilled its mission will affect and alter others left in this life.

That’s because everything on this planet is connected in some way.  Every action — every “thing” — has significance to someone.  Even if we don’t see the connection or significance, it doesn’t mean that the connection doesn’t exist.

What’s does Mom have left to do?  I have no idea.  I don’t know if this time is given to her to accomplish something for herself or for another.   For instance, her presence and interactions with others during this time may help them fulfill their own personal missions. 

I don’t know… and I don’t need to know for any of this to happen as it should.

I just believe that every life, every action, every word affects another; therefore, your whole life — from beginning to end — has purpose.  

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Transitions

It’s getting harder and harder to keep my insecurities at bay these days. 

No… this has nothing to do with my dream of becoming a published author.

This has to do with Mom.  As I walk down the hall that leads to Mom’s hospital room, I’m afraid of how this story will end.

No…  That’s a lie.  I’m not wrestling with a fear…. but with a natural law.

I know how this will end.   

It’ll end the way each of our journey ends.

The Relationship between Mental and Physical Health

My 87-year-old mother is in the hospital with congestive heart failure.  For years, the doctors have told her that she needs to replace the valve in her heart, but she doesn’t want the operation because she’s afraid of having a stroke on the table—which is a risk.

But we can’t talk about any type of surgery now…

All we’re concerned about at the moment is getting Mom’s meds managed, getting her back on her feet, and getting her strong enough to get her home.  To do that, she’ll have to go to a rehabilitation center to regain her strength.

And before she can do that, the doctors have to get her meds managed so she’s stable enough to be discharged from the hospital.

As each day passes and new symptoms (and consequences of past trial-and-error medicines) surface, an increasingly thick layer of depression and misery hangs around.

Doctors are giving Mom a mixture of meds, trying to stabilize her, but I’m as concerned about Mom’s mental attitude as much as her physical health.  One feeds the other and vice versa.  The mixture of meds, which are causing a chemical imbalance, is also creating an emotional imbalance which is affecting her moods, outlook, and her overall health.

I’ve given up trying to contribute in this situation.  My presence is met with criticism and rebuttal.  Her extended family has rallied around her, and nothing I say or suggest is credited with any value.  They all know better than I, and I’m dismissed as soon as I arrive.    

On one hand, I’m hurt by this; but on the other hand, I’m released from the responsibility.  There are doctors and nurses in our family who are more knowledgeable than I, in this particular area. 

I know that everything happens for a reason and will work out the way it is meant to work out. 

And, even though all we can do is take one day at a time, it's hard to convince the rest of them of this unchanging and natural law...

But then again, tomorrow is another day and brings with it another chance to do better…




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Time’s Teasing Me

If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that Time was playing tricks on me — and I’m not talking about how each moment of the workweek crawls by at a snail’s pace, while the weekend flies by in a blink of an eye.  I’ve gotten use to that particular injustice.   

No, I’m talking about, literary, stopping time….

For example, in the last couple of weeks, I reconnected with a two people that I hadn’t talked to for a while.  Both brought me back to uncomfortable incidents that happened three years ago.  Neither was ready to let the past go.  Neither wanted to move forward to experience the present and fantasize about the future. 

Time has stopped for them — holding them hostage to the demons that live within the unforgiving darkness of their psyche. 

But, on the other end of the spectrum…

I was part of a celebration this weekend, where a group of us sang for others.

Unfortunately, the “administration” of the organization was more concerned about Time than genuinely celebrating the spirit of the event. 

But Time played a trick on them — on all of us, in fact. Time stopped still, and our little world had to stop in response.

It happened during one of the last songs.  A solo singer sang — a cappélla — “How Great Thou Art.”  He sang all four verses… slowly… deliberately… and soulfully.  No one moved, no one made a sound, and no one complained.

Time stopped the world, so we could appreciate his gift.

Thank you, Time.  

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Narcissism

I’ve been thinking about narcissism ever since a close friend of mine mentioned that another friend of hers accused her of being a narcissist.

Well… my friend does have a heighten sense of self-awareness.  She knows what she wants and needs; and she focuses her energy toward getting those wants and needs met.  In short, she takes on the responsibility of taking care of herself.

And, to be a well-adjusted and healthy person, shouldn’t we all be aware of what we need and want?  If we don’t take care of ourselves, how would we have the energy and ability to take care of others?  And who should take on the responsibility of caring for ourselves, if it’s not us?  

Aren’t we responsible for our own happiness?

So, where do we draw the line between supporting a healthy self-image and being a narcissist?

In answering that question for myself, I came across the article, “How to Spot a Narcissist.” by Samuel López De Victoria, Ph.D.  In his article, he makes a definite distinction between a “healthy narcissist” and an “extreme narcissist.”  

As with everything else, we have to strike a balance.  We all have to have some amount of narcissism in our nature.  This is what defines our personal preferences, aspirations, and needs, and propels us to success — in however we define success. 

To support a healthy sense of self, we must respect and honor our needs as much as we respect and honor the needs of others.

In the case of an extreme narcissist, the healthy sense of self has morphed into an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one’s self — to the exclusion and detachment of others.  When this happens, the person is considered to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

In this personality disorder, narcissism takes on the form of “being totally absorbed in self.”  The person is the center of his or her own universe — eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. 

To an extreme narcissist, you are an object to be used.  Once he or she no longer has use for you, you are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.  The narcissist will cut you off — identifying you as an untrustworthy person who can harm the narcissist.

Although the causes of this disorder are largely unknown, some believe that they arise from children who were over-indulged and spoiled — and from children who experienced conditional love based on performance criteria (e.g., strict parents giving praise only for good grades will raise a child who learns not to trust anyone but himself for emotional soothing).

Dr. López De Victoria’s view is that Narcissistic Personality Disorder “usually starts with a significant emotional wound or series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment…. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood.”

The trauma was so shattering that it essentially killed these people emotionally.  To protect themselves from any further hurt, extreme narcissists will isolate themselves from emotional and relational contact. They’ll construct protective barriers that’ll keep the external world of people away from them.  They believe that all people are harmful and untrustworthy. 

What causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder may be unclear, but its symptoms are pretty clear.  They include:

• Reacting to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
• Taking advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
• Having excessive feelings of self-importance and obsessive self-interest
• Exaggerating achievements and talents
• Being preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, intelligence, or ideal love
• Needing constant attention and admiration
• Disregarding the feelings of others and having little ability to feel empathy
• Pursuing mainly selfish goals

After reviewing this list, it becomes clear to me where the line is drawn between supporting a healthy self-image and being an extreme narcissist.

It’s how we view and treat others.  Do we respect and honor others as much as we do ourselves?

If the answer is, No — then we’ve crossed that line.

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Why Does Every Encounter Have to End As a Power Struggle?

Warning!!  Venting Zone Ahead!

Thank goodness I have Friday off.  It’s the beginning of the week, and I’m already fed up with the office for the week! 

My main frustration regarding the “professional" (?) work environment — in which I spend 50 hours a week — is the fact that those working there don’t respect each other.  They don’t have the attitude of working together… of collaboration… of supporting cooperation… of sustaining healthy relationships with one another.

Why does every encounter have to turn into a power struggle around here?  

Why can’t a person have a pleasant conversation with someone in the kitchen, without being reprimanded for it? 

Why are employees so focused on covering their butts, instead of focused on working together to come up with solutions?

Yeah… I’m frustrated…

All of this goes against my core value system.  I don’t like being a part of a company that has avoiding responsibility, bullying, and blaming others running freely through its vein-like corridors.  

People go around assuming the worst of others, jumping to negative conclusions, and accusing others instead of accepting the consequences of their own actions.  

This behavior is practiced and encouraged by the Head of the division; therefore, it’s understandable why this type of behavior permeates throughout the workplace. 

When I complain, they simply shrug.  If you don’t like the office politics, you’re welcome to leave.  You’re expendable… replaceable… disposable…

The saddest part is that if/when I do leave, I’ll find that the next place will be the same or even worse…

Yeah… Friday’s not coming soon enough for me…

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Wake-up Call

I was in the break room, in the early morning hours, when one of the supervisors came in.  I can’t say that she’s the most pleasant person on the floor, but she did manage to mumble, “Good Morning.” 

I mumbled back something very positive — something like:  “I’d rather be anywhere but here.”

Now, that comment — this early in the morning — usually brings agreement and a light chuckle from the other person.  Let’s face it.  Most of us would rather be ANYWHERE else but at work, so early in the morning…

Today, I learned that “most of us” is not “all of us.”

Nope.  This supervisor’s response was:  “Well, I’d thought all your outside activities created enough distractions for you.”

What she said (and the way she said it) was a bit odd — as if she believed that the main purpose of life is to live and breathe for the company… and “the other stuff” people do “away from the office” are simply fluffy distractions…

At first, I was slightly irritated.  I don’t feel any part of my life to be a distraction.  Every part has purpose… even the mundane part that is spent at the office.  I go to work and provide a service, for which I get paid, so I can live my life comfortably and completely.  Simply put:  I work to live and not live to work.

That’s when I had to remind myself of the difference between this supervisor and me.  Definitely, her existence revolves around her job.  She is defined — and sealed in — by her position.  She spends her days in her office, not interacting with others.  She feels that the more work she generates, the more valuable she is to her boss.  With this in mind, she designs more work for herself — and everyone working for her — than is needed to get the original task completed.  Because of that, she finds it necessary to take work home every night and weekend.  Even working these extra hours, she finds herself behind in her work — missing deadlines and making mistakes.  Her reward for all of this is to be disrespected and discounted by her boss. 

It’s sad to watch, because it’s obvious that she puts her heart and soul into her job, and none of it is appreciated… if noticed at all.  This causes her to walk around in a constant state of… numbness.

Yeah, I can see how — to her — my outside activities can be seen as distractions — and even interference — to her disciplined definition of existence. 

And, I guess she’s right.  If I lived to work, I’d probably be more like her…and be satisfied with simply existing.

But I don’t see that happening any time soon.  I’m having too much fun exploring the art of living…

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Safe People

I just ran into this term and its definition, and I really like it.

"Safe People: People who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self."

Wouldn’t that be awesome — to be defined as a safe person by others?!

It makes me think about how lucky I am to have a number of safe people surrounding me.

Just think how different the world would be, if everyone was surrounded by safe people and was a safe person for others? 

I can't imagine anything better than that.  Can you? 

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